When you're in the valley...

Today was a really great day. I mean, really great.

But some days don't give me the same mountain-top euphoria as this one did. Some days are long, monotonous, routine, boring, inspiration-less, painful, and just plain yucky. I've learned a thing or two to get me through those kind of days and I thought I would share it with you all.

Don't focus on the million things that need to be accomplished in the near future (i.e. plan your best friend's party, prepare for a speech or test in a month, make sure your toddler learns her letters before kindergarten, etc...) It will often make you feel overwhelmed, helpless, and even more depressed.

Instead, make a list on paper or in your head of things that are most important for that day. Your list might look something like this:

* Wake up by 7:30 am
* Make the bed
* Read the Bible for at least 10 minutes
* Do 2 loads of laundry
* Do the dishes
* Make a healthy lunch/dinner for the children
* Brainstorm ideas for planning upcoming party
* Study at least 20 minutes for upcoming test
* Read to the children before bedtime

See how this list isn't too overwhelming? Sure we all could put on the list "reorganize the pantry"... but a task like that can sometimes be a bit daunting for a woman who is feeling particularly depressed and unmotivated.

Honestly, on some of my bad days, I wake up and look out my kitchen window (and for those of you who have seen that view, you understand how depressing it is) and say to myself, "I really feel down today. I have zero motivation to do anything. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep all day until all my problems dissolve. Or at least until my next vacation..."

I've found that on these particular bad days, it helps motivate me when I just think of some simple yet necessary tasks. It can be too much for a depressed woman to reorganize the pantry or plan a huge upcoming party. Oftentimes routine can be quite therapeutic when you are down, but overwhelming tasks can just make you fall back onto the couch in tears.

Then at the end of the day, look at or think about your to-do list. Ask yourself, "What did I accomplish today?" It can be quite rewarding as a woman/mother to focus on what you did accomplish instead of pout over what is still looming over your head. Look at the sparkly kitchen you cleaned, smile at the fresh laundry you just folded, ask your husband to tell you how delicious the meal was you cooked, pride yourself on the fact that you read to your child every night no matter what, pat yourself on the back for planning that party or taking that extra course. There's nothing wrong with thanking yourself. In fact, I don't think us women do it enough.

I think oftentimes that's why women become depressed. We compare ourselves to others, try to do more than we really should, and we overlook our talents and strive for "better" ones.

I basically taught myself this little trick this past year. No one told me to do it. I've just figured out myself that it works. It really works.

But the most important "trick" of all? Reading the Bible. His Word is a rock. I know that when I sit down and read the Scriptures, they will always be the same, never changing and always faithful. When life throws you a curve ball, you can always count on the passages of the Bible to lead you back into the arms of your Heavenly Father.

If you don't feel like reading the Bible, listen to it. Check out the dailyaudiobible.com or get the app for your iphone. Or buy the Bible on CD.

Those of you who have never experienced depression may not quite understand this post. But for those of us who have, it makes complete sense. I want to be honest about what I've gone through, and I would be thrilled if my testimony helped just one person. Just one. That's all that matters to me!

May you trust that He will soon bring you joy when you're in the valley today.

Hintage Vippie

I'm a vintage hippie. A hintage vippie you could say.

I want to grow my hair out forever (which by the way, is literally happening as we speak... haven't cut it for 10 months now... my haircut strike is goin' strong baby).

I want to wear long flowy items and pin on lots of flowers. I want to play guitar (or piano, or spoons) on the street corner for money just for fun.

But on the other hand, I want to be a vintage 20's mother who wears cute aprons in the kitchen while baking cupcakes for her hubby. I want to wear pink lipstick, high-heels, and English sun-hats. I want to braid my hair into a cute bun and wear polka-dot and ruffles.

I guess I just wanna be both. Maybe I'll switch every other day? Sounds good.

But it was way beyond awesome to play the hippie part for a fun night a few weeks ago. I think I actually transformed into the part- which is kinda creepy. It's like how a spy goes undercover and over time they start to "become" the secret spy identity and don't even really know who they were to begin with. I "was" a hippie that night. For reals.

Yes. That's me. Doing the splits. Cheerleading junior year of high school did me good. Too bad that uniform no longer fits. (Well, it fits but that doesn't mean it covers everything! LOL!)

It's fun to play dress-up. Even when you're 26. A girl's a girl no matter how old she may be!

You don't play fetch with babies

Yesterday I went to the Baby House in the morning. It was a great start to my day. I'm not usually totally jam-packed on Fridays, but yesterday was very much so. We had some very important business to take care of in the afternoon (therefore causing my daughter to miss her afternoon nap- not. good.) then in the evening I hosted a girls movie night.

But starting off my day with the babies set the tone for my attitude for the whole day- in a good way. Each time I come back I am more grateful, thankful, striving not to complain or argue... I'm more sensitive and aware. I feel more alive.

Those babies have changed me. They do it every. single. time.

The babies were in great moods when we arrived. We were surprised and thrilled! I rushed to my Baby K and cuddled her like I always dream of doing while we are away. She was so giggly- which is unusual. She is babbling a bit, standing up for short periods of time when I hold her hands, and crawling a teensy-tiny bit. She grabs for toys and plays with them with curiosity. It breaks my heart wondering if she doesn't get much stimulation when we are not there.

One of the workers is older- maybe in her 50's. She doesn't treat the babies harshly, but she doesn't interact with them much either. She conducts herself more like a supervisor, sitting on a chair leaning back, only intervening if she is needed. The children look at her as if they are seeking her approval. They run to her (like a child would run to their mother) and she spouts out short comments like "go" or "come" with zero love or emotion. At one point she looked over at me and said, "I play this game with the children. I throw a toy and the babies grab it and bring it back to me."

I was disgusted. That game is called fetch. You play it with dogs. Not babies.

Of course the children liked the stimulation with their "mother-figure" but I just felt sick to my stomach thinking how twisted it was. Why can't she sit on the floor and play with them? Why does she have to sit on her chair and just throw the toys at them? Wow. Lord help me with my anger.

I was tossing a ball back and forth with Baby K (more like rolling it on the floor and basically handing it to her) when she tossed it over my shoulder and it landed next to this particular worker. She picked it up, tossed it right at Baby K's forehead on purpose, and laughed. I almost cried. I almost yelled at her. I almost did a lot of things. *sigh* I decided it was best not to do anything but move Baby K farther away from this lady so we could continue our game in peace.

Lord, my earnest desire is for these children to be adopted into loving families- locals or foreigners. But if that isn't possible at this time, then my prayer is that you would touch the hearts of the orphanage workers. Speak to them somehow- any way possible- a dream, a vision, a book, a conversation, you can use anything! But please, I beg You, transform their hardened hearts so that they will treat these precious children with more love and compassion. Help them to see these babies through YOUR eyes. Oh Father, how I ache to take one home. How I ache to see these angels adopted into loving families who love You!

Here is a picture I took of a special orphanage training course I attended a few weeks ago. A team from New Zealand flew here to train us in music/massage therapy for traumatized children. These particular workers in this picture do not work at the baby house- they work at a disabilities orphanage outside of town. Would you join me in prayer that all orphanage workers in this country would learn how to lovingly care for the children?

She wants to be a big girl

She's growing up. She's losing her baby fat and getting taller. And she knows how to "smile with her teeth" for photos now.

She wants to be a big girl. Which mostly means she wants to be like Mommy. She adores these sparkly shoes our good friends from America gave her last summer. (Although toddler-hood has scuffed up the toes pretty badly. But life's all about getting back up after you fall, right?)

She wants to bring a purse everywhere we go - just like Mommy. Take this toy kennel for example. It's for a fluffy kitty, but she put her striped zebra in instead. My Grandma gave that zebra toy to me when I was a child. She just wanted to have "something" in her "purse" - zebra or lipstick, it didn't matter. She felt very grown up :)

I am beyond thrilled that I have a daughter. I love doing her hair, dressing her up, making her feel like a princess. It's scary though how much she watches me and copies my actions. It makes me more careful in everything I say and do.

Father, I want to be like You- because she wants to be like me.

This flower

I have been waiting for this flower for months. Literally.

Many of my talented friends crochet, knit, and sew beautiful creations. Me? I just wear 'em :) Ha! So I asked a couple friends if they would sell me some of their creations. One of these friends finally was able to make me one- and I was thrilled beyond belief!

She made the flower (and put a darling button right smack in the middle- love. it.) and gave me some clips to sew on the back myself. That way I can wear it as a necklace (it came with a crocheted necklace piece), clip it on my scarf or shirt, or wear it in my hair!

Oh the possibilities.

 

Makes me wanna buy about 10 different colors and sizes to mix 'n match. *sigh* It's a good thing I don't live in America or I'd be buying this kind of stuff on Etsy like every single minute of my life.

If you can crochet, I highly recommend you try making these and selling them to friends. That way us non-crocheting-people can buy them from you instead of from the store.

I just love flowers :) Don't you?

Souvenir Pics

I'm excited to announce that I've added a new page on my photography website!

For those of you living in Baku looking for a great souvenir gift from your time spent here, look no further! I've worked diligently to capture the beauty of Baku and the surrounding regions.

What better souvenir to take home with you than cultural pictures of Azerbaijan? Whether in downtown Baku or out in the regions, I've determined to capture Azerbaijan's beauty on camera. Print them to hang around your house, scrapbook them, or use the images in a photo-book made online. The possibilities are endless!

The cost is $20 US for a CD with 77 stunning pictures from around Azerbaijan.

Contact me at javamammacasey at gmail if you are interested!

javamammaphotography.yolasite.com

Honesty and a book

All my life I've been a fairly closed person. I only open up to a select few, and it takes me a long time before I trust them. I'm very careful about what I share and with whom. Mostly because I am totally against slander in any form. So much so that it keeps me more closed than I wish.

Once I open up to you, you are forever my close friend. Even if we are oceans apart. I still know I can pick up where we left off and pour my heart and soul right onto your lap. 

I'm missing those friends right about now. We've said and are saying "goodbye" to many good friends lately and it's tough. It's really really tough.

Some people grow up in the same town their whole lives and have the same best friends forever. I haven't had that luxury. I've lived in 4 states and three countries throughout my life. It's hard to "re-find" best friends every time you move. Of course I keep my "old best friends", but everyone needs a friend to talk with face-to-face! (You can't go to a coffee-shop over skype. Well, I guess you could bring your computer along and both of you drink coffee together... but it's just not the same.)

So I'm in one of those seasons again. Waiting and praying for the next soul-sista to enter my life.

Today I was walking in town listening to Britt Nicole on my iphone- "The Lost Get Found"- (she's awesome by the way- you need her music) and I had many-a-thoughts. One of them is that I'd really really really like to write a book. Not because I think my life is awesome or that I have this secret amazing knowledge to share. No. I just want to write something that I wish I could have read when I was entering woman-hood that deals with certain issues. It would be mostly be stories from my life... how Father brought me through the storms... and how I was a changed person after each storm. I'm not exactly sure what I would focus on... but my rough draft title for the book (or booklet, who knows how long or short it would be) would be called:

Confessions of a JavaMamma: My journey with Father through depression, falling in love, and motherhood.

I know many of you might be shocked at the word "depression". Don't be. I think most women deal with at least a tiny bit of depression at least once in their life. It doesn't have to be seriously debilitating depression. Just seasons of life where you feel hopeless, alone, or the enemy has just worked overtime to try and destroy your life (check out Job- he wasn't clinically depressed... he just majorly suffered and had a season of deep grief to work through). 

The falling in love part would deal mostly with my single years waiting for the love of my life, and how important it was that I was pursuing Father during that time... and then how the Lord finally brought us together. I'd also love to talk about keeping the love alive in marriage, choosing to forgive and extend grace, and supporting your husband.

The motherhood part... well... that surely speaks for itself :) The heart of a go-getter in her early twenties, eyes twinkling with life's possibilities and freedoms, suddenly melts into becoming a stay-at-home mom focused on pouring into a new little life. The rest is history.

Even though I've always been in some sort of leadership position my whole life, I've determined to be someone who doesn't pretend to wear a mask. If I'm hurting, I just admit it. If I'm lovin' life, I love it unashamedly. I'm human. Just because I'm in charge of stuff doesn't mean I don't have bad days. David was certainly in charge of stuff and he definitely had some bad days! I appreciate David's honesty because through it, so many of us have learned how to cry out to Father in a healthy way. That guy wrote some seriously awesome Psalms.

Anyways... it's all just swirling in my head. Nothing concrete. If you have any thoughts on this subject, please comment. If you were going to read a book like this, what you want covered?

Last minute photo shoot

This was a last-minute photo shoot. Sometimes those are the best kind :)

I love photographing people I care about. I feel like I have this obligation to make sure our friends have amazing snapshots of their family.

I think one of the reasons I adore photographing families is because I get to capture a glimpse of the love they share.

Speaking of love, check out this gal's blog here. She posted a fun, vintage, lovey-dovey playlist. Makes you wanna dance in the kitchen with the love of your life, doesn't it?

Camera obsession

Yes. I am obsessed. I admit it.

*sigh*

But isn't it lovely?

Lightning storms

You know you are an obsessed aspiring photographer when you stay up waaaaaaay past your mommy-bedtime just so you can hopefully snap some ridiculously awesome photos of a lightning storm.

I'm from the midwest. I grew up on tornado warnings. I have seen maybe one or two lightning storms here in the past 1 1/2 years. It was about time.

Enjoy :)

Do you know how difficult it is to capture a lightning bolt before it disappears? You have to stand there, steady as cement, wait for when you think the lightning is gonna strike, then bam, take the shot. You  may or may not get it.

Thankfully I did :)

Making cards the easy way

Cards are a pretty big deal to me. If I don't get a card for my birthday, I'm bummed out. If I don't write a good friend a card for their birthday, I feel like a lousy friend.

Maybe this is because "words of affirmation" is my #1 love language. It's how I express my love to others and how I feel loved by them. If I don't receive "words" from others whether in written or typed form, I feel unloved by that person. I can't help it- it's how I'm wired.

Now I've learned about the 5 love languages and I know that just because "words of affirmation" is how I feel loved, that doesn't necessarily mean that's how someone else feels loved. You have to be creative and find ways to show them love in their love language (the others are: acts of service, touch, gifts, and quality time).

But I can't help myself. I still like making people cards! In my opinion, it doesn't hurt to write someone a personal message of encouragement. Who doesn't love a pat on the back and a thank you for their hard work? We all need to hear uplifting words now and then because there's enough discouragement in life as it is.

We are saying goodbye to many students in our youth group this month who are graduating or moving back to America. In keeping with my annual ritual, I write a goodbye card for every single person who is moving away. It takes a lot of time but I pray it makes them feel loved and appreciated by us!

I've devised a super easy way of personalizing homemade cards so that anyone could do it. Here's how!

See that stack of cards in the clear box above? That set cost $9.99 at Target and had hundreds of cards and envelopes inside (not to mention tons of warm colors!)

See that pencil box above? That's where I keep all my multi-colored sharpies. I bought some "Caribbean colors" at Wal-Mart last year and I love them!

To make the above card, all I did was:

1. Stamp a picture (which in this case is music notes)
2. Cut a piece of ribbon (from Wal-Mart) and glued it on the corner
3. Used a special shape puncher for the corner
4. Wrote the person's name in pretty handwriting

The above card was for a boy so I had to make it masculine looking. The difference for this card was:

1. I used an ipod sticker (it was in a pack of boy-ish stickers with drums, amps, and other music things)
2. I used a stamp that made a plain, dotted pattern in the back

I took the shapes that were punched out of the corner and then glued them on the back.

Then I wrote "Dear ____" and then went on to tell that person why we appreciate them. I feel very strongly that a card shouldn't just have your name signed at the bottom. The purpose of a card is to write in it! Everyone deserves to hear why you think they are great and what you love about them. I don't exaggerate or embellish at all, I just write why that person has blessed us and then write a prayer for their life.

I keep all my card-making tools in a box together. That way everything is easy to access.

Then I put the little munchkin in her high chair to eat and/or play with Play-doh. She likes to sneak items out of my craft box and make a mess. Creative and mischievous. A dangerous combination...

So go ahead, make a card for someone you care about! You never know how special it will be for them.

P.S. This is what I wore yesterday. Don't mind the sleeping bags in the background. My husband is still sorting items from his men's camping trip last weekend ;)

A picture is worth a thousand words...

I have a really really bad headache. Been killin' me for two days straight. I can't stand light or sounds. So this blog post is gonna be short and sweet.

Oh so sweet.

Somehow, miraculously, one of my friends who volunteers at the baby house with me convinced the workers to let her snap some photos.

Can you say "unbelievable"? Yes. Yes it is.

I can't describe to you in words the way my heart goes pitter-patter when I see the faces of my precious angels in the photos.

I don't want to get in trouble or anything like that (if you know me well, you know I hate getting in trouble), so I just cropped Baby K so you can at least see her. The photo quality isn't the best, but hey, it's a photo and that's what matters.

So here she is. My sweetheart.
I wish I could take her or any of the babies home with me forever.

 

Father's living room

I had a blast photographing the track meet for the international schools here in Baku yesterday! Believe it or not, in one day we experienced cold winds, rain, thunder and lightning, hail, then scorching hot heat. It was hilarious and a bit scary all at the same time. At least it wasn't a boring day :)

So as I was taking pictures of everyone with my incredible new camera (and zooming in uber close with my splendid new lens) I had a bit of an epiphany.

All these moments my amazing photography hobby allows me to experience and see have already been experienced and seen by our Father above. When I zoom in on you starting your 400 meter race and snap a photo, Father has already captured that moment in His mind.

When I capture you receiving a medal for finishing a race in the top three, Father has already captured your smile in His mind for eternity.

When I zoom in on your beautiful eyes through my lens, they've already been gazed upon by Father. He created your incredible eyes and He's proud of them.

I don't know everything about heaven or eternity. I've studied hours upon hours in the scriptures and have some pretty good ideas and have listened to many sermons on the subject. There are many things we know and some things we don't know.

But if our Heavenly Father has a living room, I imagine he has your portraits hung on His wall. You are not just another face in the crowd to Him. You are an individual who He poured time and love into creating in His image. I don't understand how our amazing Father can know each of us individually so deeply and thoroughly- but He does. He's so much bigger than us- we can't even comprehend the amount of love and passion He holds in His heart for all of us.

I think that's why I love my job so much. Taking photographs. I get to spend time capturing moments, special moments. And when I zoom in on a face, and focus on those beautiful eyes and sparkling smile, I can only imagine how Father has already captured that moment in His mind way before I ever did.

Your tears, your joys, your accomplishments, your failures... He's seen them all. In fact, He saw them even before they happened.

And yet He still loves you deeply.

His love for you never changes.

You are the apple of His eye- and I can imagine how your photo hangs in His living room for Him to smile upon every day.

Some days

Some days are just simply amazing.

Like today.

Yes, all these photos are from one day. Can you believe it?

I love this hobby/side job of mine. I think I'll keep it.