All my life I've been a fairly closed person. I only open up to a select few, and it takes me a long time before I trust them. I'm very careful about what I share and with whom. Mostly because I am totally against slander in any form. So much so that it keeps me more closed than I wish.
Once I open up to you, you are forever my close friend. Even if we are oceans apart. I still know I can pick up where we left off and pour my heart and soul right onto your lap.
I'm missing those friends right about now. We've said and are saying "goodbye" to many good friends lately and it's tough. It's really really tough.
Some people grow up in the same town their whole lives and have the same best friends forever. I haven't had that luxury. I've lived in 4 states and three countries throughout my life. It's hard to "re-find" best friends every time you move. Of course I keep my "old best friends", but everyone needs a friend to talk with face-to-face! (You can't go to a coffee-shop over skype. Well, I guess you could bring your computer along and both of you drink coffee together... but it's just not the same.)
So I'm in one of those seasons again. Waiting and praying for the next soul-sista to enter my life.
Today I was walking in town listening to Britt Nicole on my iphone- "The Lost Get Found"- (she's awesome by the way- you need her music) and I had many-a-thoughts. One of them is that I'd really really really like to write a book. Not because I think my life is awesome or that I have this secret amazing knowledge to share. No. I just want to write something that I wish I could have read when I was entering woman-hood that deals with certain issues. It would be mostly be stories from my life... how Father brought me through the storms... and how I was a changed person after each storm. I'm not exactly sure what I would focus on... but my rough draft title for the book (or booklet, who knows how long or short it would be) would be called:
Confessions of a JavaMamma: My journey with Father through depression, falling in love, and motherhood.
I know many of you might be shocked at the word "depression". Don't be. I think most women deal with at least a tiny bit of depression at least once in their life. It doesn't have to be seriously debilitating depression. Just seasons of life where you feel hopeless, alone, or the enemy has just worked overtime to try and destroy your life (check out Job- he wasn't clinically depressed... he just majorly suffered and had a season of deep grief to work through).
The falling in love part would deal mostly with my single years waiting for the love of my life, and how important it was that I was pursuing Father during that time... and then how the Lord finally brought us together. I'd also love to talk about keeping the love alive in marriage, choosing to forgive and extend grace, and supporting your husband.
The motherhood part... well... that surely speaks for itself :) The heart of a go-getter in her early twenties, eyes twinkling with life's possibilities and freedoms, suddenly melts into becoming a stay-at-home mom focused on pouring into a new little life. The rest is history.
Even though I've always been in some sort of leadership position my whole life, I've determined to be someone who doesn't pretend to wear a mask. If I'm hurting, I just admit it. If I'm lovin' life, I love it unashamedly. I'm human. Just because I'm in charge of stuff doesn't mean I don't have bad days. David was certainly in charge of stuff and he definitely had some bad days! I appreciate David's honesty because through it, so many of us have learned how to cry out to Father in a healthy way. That guy wrote some seriously awesome Psalms.
Anyways... it's all just swirling in my head. Nothing concrete. If you have any thoughts on this subject, please comment. If you were going to read a book like this, what you want covered?