American August

Need I say more?

Where did we go?

Our first night back in the States Sitora woke up screaming her head off. She had been asleep for a few hours when suddenly she bolted awake. I turned on the lights to console her after many failed attempts. She rubbed her eyes, looked around the room in confusion, then asked, "Mommy, where did we go?"

Poor thing. How can she keep our lives straight?

Below is a picture of some of our packed bags just days before we left Baku. All of our possessions fit into 16 bags. I was astonished at how few things we had when I was packing. I thought it would take me much longer to pack then it really did. I had a mini panic attack when looking around the room and said to myself, "This is all we own? We gave away all our stuff! I can't believe this is all we have now!!!!" After a few minutes I settled myself down and reassured myself that we would easily be able to replace many of the things we sold or gave away. After all, it's just stuff.  

Our lives have changed, and it's time for me to come to grips with it. I'm still in shock that we are here... not just to visit... but to live. Some moments I feel grief and sadness, other moments I experience excitement and relief. I go up and down with my emotions. I'm so thankful I serve a wonderful Father who has plans so good for me that I cannot even comprehend it. I know He is in control.

I read a really good devotional today in my book "Loving Father" by Mike Bickle. Let me give you a taste of what hit me...

"When we enter into Father's joy and gladness, the door to much of Satan's activity slams shut in our lives. The joy of serving Father keeps us from compromise. A glad heart is a strong heart."

Father, I love you. I am full of joy whenever I think about you. I happily and whole-heartedly serve you with my life. May this glad heart keep me strong and keep me from compromise in any way. May my heart be pure before your eyes.

These faces

These are the faces I will treasure always. My last official photoshoot in this country was absolutely thrilling! I set up my first ever day of mini sessions, meaning I had families scheduled throughout the afternoon to come meet me at a particular place for photos. It was way more fun then I ever could have imagined.

I love love loooove taking photos of people I know. And if I don't happen know you very well, then schedule a photoshoot with me so we can get acquainted!

Children touch my heart in such a special way. How could one not believe in our Creator after looking into these eyes? Every life is a miracle.

Goodbye baby house

Today was my last chance to say goodbye to the baby house. It was a sweet time and I was incredibly thankful for the opportunity to snuggle these precious angels one last time. I spent some time explaining to the workers why we have to leave the country and how very sad we are. One worker sat down with my friend and I and offered us tea and candy while we chatted. It was very kind of them and I take that gesture as a sign of our camaraderie.  I've always wanted them to know we consider ourselves part of their team and only desire to be a blessing and help to them. Then a bit later I asked permission to take some photos since I will be leaving forever. I didn't want to get my hopes up knowing that usually it is not allowed.

They. said. YES!

My heart was pounding while I raced to get my camera out. I could hardly believe it. I would finally be able to capture the faces of these darling babies and remember them in my heart forever. Now you can finally look into the eyes that have stolen my heart. May you be touched forever by these images.

Free stuff is so much fun

Back in April it was so incredibly fun to have a contest on my blog for someone to win a free photoshoot. I was more than pleased when I randomly selected this family as the winner.

Some people are so wonderful and inspiring, that you can hardly think of anything to give them in return to show them how much you appreciate their passion and service. This family is one of those kind. I was thrilled beyond belief to be able to provide them with a free photo session :)

The day scheduled for the shoot was crazy windy- which is typical for here. But this particular day was like a Mary Poppins kind of day, where you feel like your whole body will suddenly airlift into the clouds at a moment's notice. This family had such a good attitude and was determined to brave the windy day. We had a blast, and it all ended with smoothies and lattes at the end of the day. What more could you want?

Come back on Monday

Getting medical care overseas is never easy and it's always a scary adventure you can laugh about later. As we spoke with the workers at a medical clinic today asking for some data results, we were told, "That particular doctor is not in today. Come back Monday." My thought? Monday- I could be dead by Monday!

I have a UTI and a mild kidney infection. 

Ouch.

My favorite part? Laying down in the backseat of our car writhing in pain as we bump up and down along the horrible back roads by our home. That drive to the medical clinic seemed an eternity.

At one point I was in such excruciating pain, I felt like my brain was a blank book. How much more pain could I handle before I just blacked out?

I looked up into the sky with tears streaming down my face and sobs shaking my body, and quietly asked Father to take away the pain, if only for a moment. I wasn't angry or scared to be in the situation, I just felt so hopeless in my pain. About 30 minutes later the pain subsided enough for me to fall asleep in the back seat for a few minutes. The pain did eventually come back, but I felt that it was a window of hope signaling me that healing would come.

Thank you Father for your grace in times of need. Thank you to my husband for immediately taking action in my care. Thank you to our friends who watched our daughter for us during this time. And a huge thank you goes to the western doctor working here who gave us very thorough advice over the phone throughout the ordeal.

I am resting at home, on antibiotics, taking it easy and feeling guilty/stressed about not being able to pack. But my husband insisted that I do absolutely no work today. He's so smart.

Healing is coming.

It's just stuff

We had a garage sale yesterday. It was my first EVER personal garage sale, like, with all my stuff. I got to set the prices and it was awesome. Because I set them low. People would glow when they heard the prices and walked off happy. I hate bartering. I really do. Let's just get down to business and be realistic here folks. I'm not going to charge more than 50 cents for nail polish- sheesh! It's used for crying out loud.

I was a little emotional watching our things walk away in others' hands. Why do we get so attached to stuff anyway? It can be such a bondage if we're not careful.

Dear stuff,

Thank you for being so useful while we had you. You were great. But it's time to move on and let someone else use you. I hope you can bless my friends as much as you have blessed me. Unfortunately, I have to break some bad news to you. You really have no eternal value. This life is but a whisper, and when I get to heaven I can't bring you with me. So I'm letting go knowing that you aren't all that matters in life. I will find more books, dishes, bed comforters, shoes, toys for my child, and decorative coffee pictures. Life goes on. I do not find my identity in how many material possessions I own. My identity is found in the one who created us all. So long and farewell!

Sincerely,
Me

 

 

Time to say goodbye

Life has been on fast-forward the past few weeks and I've hardly had any time to settle my thoughts. It's crazy how one event or one decision can change everything.

Two months ago I was in America buying and stocking up on items to bring back to Baku with me. One minute I'm planning my life as normal, the next minute everything turns upside-down.  And now here I am, selling those very items I just bought.

Why?

We are moving.

Long story short, we have to leave the country. We are no longer able to live and work here. It was not something we were prepared for. We thought we knew what these next years of life held for us. We were focused on our work here and were excited for what was planned. And all it took was one decision for our lives to be drastically altered.

Not only do we have to leave, but we have to leave in two weeks.

Packing up your life in two weeks, does that sound easy? Not so much.

How do you spend good quality time with your friends and find complete closure in such a short period of time? How do you process everything, pray through everything, think through everything? How do you calm yourself down when you feel overwhelmed and stressed with all that lies ahead? How do you make yourself take a break for a moment when you realize all that needs to be done? How do you spend quality time with your child when you should be packing and cleaning 24/7? How do you explain to your 2 1/2 year old that life is going to change drastically? It's tough. It's really tough. Ask me in about one month how to do it all and I'll have the answer. As for right now, I'm just trying to live through it.

I didn't really think I was attached to "things". We try to live simply and hold loosely to our possessions. But small as it may be, the amount of stuff we have is still dear to my heart.  As I sort through Sitora's clothes and toys and my household items... my heart starts to break as I face the fact that I will part with these things forever. We simply cannot take back all our possessions across the ocean. It's not practical financially. But the most important reason we are giving/selling most of our possessions? Because our friends here cannot find good quality American items anywhere else, unless people like us moving away leave it for them.

So I'm saying goodbye to Sitora's train set with the little people and cars she's played with since day one in Baku. I'm saying goodbye to the books I read to her every single night. I'm saying goodbye to her little keyboard her Nana brought from America. I'm saying goodbye to sweet pink little baby girl clothes and shoes. I'm saying goodbye to the gorgeous bedding set I've loved so dearly. I'm saying goodbye to Christmas ornaments and Thanksgiving candles. I'm saying goodbye to incredibly life-changing books I've dragged across the world. I'm saying goodbye to all these earthly possessions that essentially have zero eternal value. I'm saying goodbye to the wonderful, adventurous life we have lived here, and saying hello to an unknown future ahead of us.

We thought this was "it" for us. We thought this was "the place" we were ending up for a good long while. I feel like Abraham, or Moses, or Joseph- being moved around from place to place not sure where Father has in mind. But one thing I do know for sure, I know the One who holds my future in His hands. And that, my friends, is the safest place to be.

Here we come America. Let's see what you have in store for us this time :)

A boy comes home

Remember the disabilities orphanage I've visited a few times? Well we have some exciting news about one of the boys living there!

About a year ago I wrote this post. I talked about how our youth group raised over $1,000 for two deaf teenagers to receive hearing aides! It was amazing to see how hard our youth worked preparing for a bake sale and worship concert to raise the funds. My favorite part about the whole thing is how the teenagers were also given therapy by orphanage volunteers to help them "learn" about hearing and speaking.

We received news a few months ago that one of the teenagers was finally about to go home with his mother! Sometimes parents who leave their children at orphanages eventually have a reason to take them back. In this case, him getting hearing aides and therapy was a HUGE part of why he was able to come home!

Is this not one of the most amazing praise reports ever? I mean, this young boy is now able to live at home with his family. I cannot imagine how he must feel.

We can make a difference in this world. Even if we can only help one person, it means the world to them. And that is reason enough to try.

Thank you Father! If your eye is on the sparrow, then how much more is your eye on every one of your children here on earth?