Saturday, August 6, 2011

Time to say goodbye

Life has been on fast-forward the past few weeks and I've hardly had any time to settle my thoughts. It's crazy how one event or one decision can change everything.

Two months ago I was in America buying and stocking up on items to bring back to Baku with me. One minute I'm planning my life as normal, the next minute everything turns upside-down.  And now here I am, selling those very items I just bought.


We are moving.

Long story short, we have to leave the country. We are no longer able to live and work here. It was not something we were prepared for. We thought we knew what these next years of life held for us. We were focused on our work here and were excited for what was planned. And all it took was one decision for our lives to be drastically altered.

Not only do we have to leave, but we have to leave in two weeks.

Packing up your life in two weeks, does that sound easy? Not so much.

How do you spend good quality time with your friends and find complete closure in such a short period of time? How do you process everything, pray through everything, think through everything? How do you calm yourself down when you feel overwhelmed and stressed with all that lies ahead? How do you make yourself take a break for a moment when you realize all that needs to be done? How do you spend quality time with your child when you should be packing and cleaning 24/7? How do you explain to your 2 1/2 year old that life is going to change drastically? It's tough. It's really tough. Ask me in about one month how to do it all and I'll have the answer. As for right now, I'm just trying to live through it.

I didn't really think I was attached to "things". We try to live simply and hold loosely to our possessions. But small as it may be, the amount of stuff we have is still dear to my heart.  As I sort through Sitora's clothes and toys and my household items... my heart starts to break as I face the fact that I will part with these things forever. We simply cannot take back all our possessions across the ocean. It's not practical financially. But the most important reason we are giving/selling most of our possessions? Because our friends here cannot find good quality American items anywhere else, unless people like us moving away leave it for them.

So I'm saying goodbye to Sitora's train set with the little people and cars she's played with since day one in Baku. I'm saying goodbye to the books I read to her every single night. I'm saying goodbye to her little keyboard her Nana brought from America. I'm saying goodbye to sweet pink little baby girl clothes and shoes. I'm saying goodbye to the gorgeous bedding set I've loved so dearly. I'm saying goodbye to Christmas ornaments and Thanksgiving candles. I'm saying goodbye to incredibly life-changing books I've dragged across the world. I'm saying goodbye to all these earthly possessions that essentially have zero eternal value. I'm saying goodbye to the wonderful, adventurous life we have lived here, and saying hello to an unknown future ahead of us.

We thought this was "it" for us. We thought this was "the place" we were ending up for a good long while. I feel like Abraham, or Moses, or Joseph- being moved around from place to place not sure where Father has in mind. But one thing I do know for sure, I know the One who holds my future in His hands. And that, my friends, is the safest place to be.

Here we come America. Let's see what you have in store for us this time :)


  1. oh gosh casey. rough rough stuff! you and your fam are in my thoughts. i cant imagine how hard that is! it's funny how you dont think material things hold any value til you have to part with them... like when we got robbed... all of a sudden i "missed" things. hope you get the strength and extra hours you need!

  2. Oh, Casey. What a whirlwind this is for you. Thinking about you and your family in the next couple of weeks. His grace is sufficient. Always.


  3. Yikes! I am praying for you. I cannot imagine getting everything done in 2 weeks. You are an amazing woman. God is doing something, something new.

  4. I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Either way, tears filled my eyes reading this. Praying for you, Casey.

  5. I can't believe you guys have to leave! I pray the Lord's comfort and blessing on your family in this time. We love you guys a ton!

  6. Oh Casey, I'm so sorry this is happening! I was so ecstatic to hear you guys were coming back, but it just feels selfish now. You were SUCH a blessing there, and I hope whatever God has planned for you makes you guys happy!

  7. Praying for you and the fam Casey. Grace upon grace upon grace to you. God is going to bless you in the journey. He is enough. Love you guys and I know that Az has been rocked by your presence. Our team was, and we saw it in your interactions with all around you too. Though the darkness may last for a night, His joy comes in the morning. Press in, it's all for His glory, even what doesn't make sense! Love you.

  8. Casey, when we came to BCOM in 2000 (Ed was 40!), we sold or gave away almost every single thing we had, and I went thru what you feel getting rid of beautiful things that I liked. BUT, it was so freeing that we said, "Everyone should pare down to nothing every 10 years!" Going to and coming from Canada we also pared way down, and it gets easier each time! You know you can always "get more," and wow, it's so easy to build the collection back up with garage sales & thrift stores! For me, anyway. Gotta keep learning to hold on loosely. Regarding this move: He's got a plan for your family, and it's good. Love you guys! Lori Zabel

  9. Hi dear friend,
    Thanks for sharing your heart so openly on your blog, you are such a blessing. I'm sorry you have to go through such a hard (and sudden) transition, but I am confident that Father will lead you guys exactly where He wants you in His timing.
    Mindy and I were talking the other day about how hard it was for them to purge and release stuff when they left Az, they sure can relate to what you're going through! Please know you're not alone in this and I'm lifting you guys up to Father!
    Love you,