I haven't been doing a very good job of being who I truly am. I've been questioning myself, if who I am is really good, if who I am is really who people want to be friends with, if who I am is really special.
Tonight I had a breakthrough.
Father has made me how I am, I certainly can't change that. And I think He made me a certain way for a reason. I'm pretty sure, no, I'm really sure He wants me to be me. I don't think He wants me to change according to the opinions around me. I think He wants me to become more like Him everyday, while at the same time accepting the personality I have.
I sat at the piano for a very, very long time tonight. I haven't had a piano in my own home for over a year. It was way past due time. I played until my fingers hurt and my voice squeaked. Don't get me wrong, I love guitar, but it's not my first love. Sadly, it is my second. (I started learning guitar basically because you can't drag a piano into the jungles of Africa. Not that I've been there lately, but you never know!)
Somehow playing my favorite instrument and letting my heart cry out to my Father released a lot of built up tension from the past months. I felt more me than I have in a long, long time.
The true me. And I'm not afraid to hide it anymore.
Nicely written Casey! Living here, I believe most of us go through a bit of an identity crisis. That's part of the journey here. There is a huge learning curve to adjusting to our surroundings and I honestly don't think most of us are 100% ourselves. We are aliens and strangers in a spiritual sense already and then we get here and we become aliens and strangers in a physical sense. Definitely leads to some confusion. Just want to encourage you that your not alone and most of all those are normal feelings here. You are doing a great job and don't worry the Father is shining through you. In our weakness he is strong!
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