I know, I know. Not many peeps are interested in my every waking moment of pregnancy. I totally get that ;) In case you don't care, it's totally ok.
This preggo update is mostly for myself to have in writing to look back on someday, and for any friends or family members who are actually interested. So don't feel bad if you want to click "x" on the top right hand of your internet toolbar.
Today I am 12.5 weeks pregnant! Woo hoo! It feels like I've been pregnant for 6 months already, for goodness sake.
It's been a long haul, ever since day one when we found out we were expecting baby #3. I started feeling a little nauseous right away at week 4!!!!! Every week continually got worse until I was throwing up all day non-stop at week 7. I asked for prayers from friends and family before heading to the hospital for fluids. I couldn't keep anything down. Throwing up hurts, in case you've never experienced it. And my throat started to burn after so many days of endless torture. I was weak and dizzy and starting to feel like I was fading away into the abyss. I spent most of each day curled up by the toilet in desperation.
In the middle of week 7 I turned a corner by the grace of God! I started keeping fluids down and only threw up once or twice a day. I started eating beans after a friend sent me an article explaining how it helps with morning sickness. I still felt nauseous all day long but at least I was keeping food down! It was an answer to prayer.
I took the prescription Zofran (well, the generic brand) when I was experiencing extreme morning sickness in the first trimester with my other two pregnancies. A few months before we found out about this baby I saw a commercial on TV about lawsuits against Zofran for causing birth defects in babies! My heart nearly jumped out of my chest as I thanked God for my healthy children, then quickly got online to read forums. Many mothers, just like myself, were worried after having used Zofran in the past and were posting their concerns and questions. I don't know if all of them were honest posts, but half of the mothers posted that their child did indeed have some of the birth defects listed and they were starting to connect the dots! I couldn't stop thanking God that my babies were healthy. I know that mothers experiencing hyperemesis gravidarum have no choice but to take Zofran or similar options when they are faced with the chance that they might lose their life or the baby's life. I am grateful I haven't ever been this extreme in my sickness. I am also grateful that the Lord started healing me at week 7 and giving me the grace and strength to make it without using a prescription!
Between week 7 and now (12.5 weeks) I've experienced ups and downs. Some days I feel on top of the world, and other days I can hardly walk up my steps without losing my breath and losing my lunch. It's touch and go, really.
Thankfully I felt well on the day my brother and sister-in-law got married and the day I shot my first wedding of the season. I felt the Lord's hand on me big time for both of those events!
Sadly this past weekend created quite the scare for us. At the time I didn't realize it, but I was coming down with some sort of bug. I woke up on Sunday feeling dizzy and exhausted. I pressed through and continued preparing the kids and I for church and started worship practice. I nearly fainted during practice and had to go sit in my hubby's office and eat applesauce until I could regain my composure for the rest of practice. After practice I slid back into his office and collapsed on the couch. "10 minutes until service. 8 minutes. 5 minutes. I can't do this. I can do this. No, I can't. Yes, I can." My brain swirled with thoughts and I decided to muster up every last bit of courage and walk out that door. Thankfully worship went smoothly (except when I hit a wrong note twice... ouch) but I did feel like I was fading in and out at times. After service I sat on the couch again eating snacks trying to figure out what in the world was wrong. That evening I felt horrible and went to bed with a throbbing headache and extreme nausea.
I woke up the next morning feeling horrible and couldn't shake my sickness. I felt dizzy and fatigued. SuperDan watched the kids as I lay in bed falling in and out of sleep and fighting the urge to lose my lunch. Then things took a turn for the worst. Things started to happen that made me worry that we were losing the baby.
The first thing I did was ask SuperDan to pray over me. We hugged and prayed and then I decided to stay in bed the rest of the day, just in case. I was incredibly bored out of my mind, trying to sleep, read, nibble on food, watch movies, and look on my phone. I texted loved ones asking for their prayers. I calmly surrendered my body and my fears to the Lord and decided to let His peace and comfort wash over me instead of filling my heart with dread and fear. My mom prayed over me over the phone and gave me a word that everything was going to be just fine. I slipped back into bed feeling covered in prayer and love.
I woke up the next morning feeling MUCH better and there were no more signs of losing the baby. My heart rejoiced and all I could do was offer praises and thanks to Our Most High God! It was then we realized I must have caught a bug because SuperDan and Sitora both started feeling sick. The fatigue and dizziness was due to the bug, not losing the baby. We were relieved and so grateful.
Today I took both kiddos to my OB appointment and we heard the sweet and precious sound of our baby's heartbeat. I thanked God while laying on that table and smiled at my other two children playing quietly on the floor with toy trains.
One thing I have not said publicly yet, is that we wanted a baby sooner than this. Seeing a negative pregnancy test month after month caused heart-wrenching sadness and endless tears. I finally came to the point where I surrendered my desires and wishes for more children to the Lord and gave up my rights for more babies. I opened my tightly clenched fist and told Him to have His way with our family. If it was time to do foster care or adopt, we would do it. Not my Will but Yours be done, Oh Lord.
It was the next month that we found out our dreams had come true. Baby #3 was on the way and we couldn't have been more thrilled! I almost couldn't believe it!
So you can see why the thought of losing this life was so hard for me to face. But as I laid there in my bed crying in my pain and sadness, I felt a peace again, like I did before when hoping for that positive pregnancy test. I softly said, "The Lord gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." And I said it with all my heart. And I will say it again, day after day after day. Because we are never guaranteed tomorrow. We are never guaranteed anything except that He will never leave or forsake us. Every life, every moment, every breath is from the Lord. And I will live every one to it's fullest for His glory.
Thank you Lord, for this life growing inside of me. Every good and perfect gift comes from You.