Today was not so great. You know, one of those days when you wake up in the morning and just wish you could hide under your pillow and ignore the world. It's weird how some days start like that. And I can't use the expression that I "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" because there's literally no way for that to be possible - Sitora sneaks in our bed in the wee hours of the night and after that I have about 2 inches of breathing space. (So basically that was a joke. Pretty bad if I have to explain it, eh?)
*sigh* I guess I started off my day with the hope that it would get better. It did for a little bit (mostly because of the caramel macchiato I picked up on my way to go grocery shopping- mind you by foot and bus). But then it just mostly went downhill from there.
It's hard when you give so much of yourself to something, and its either under-appreciated or not acknowledged at all. This is where the rubber meets the road folks- am I doing what I do to please others, or Father? It's tough. It's really really tough.
I was really emotional tonight explaining to my husband what angered me so much today. I think I need a few days to sort out my thoughts and pray, and then after some time I'll decide whether or not to bring it up. It's always best to wait a few days after anger is at it's peak, in order to avoid saying something you might regret. When I was listening to the Daily Audio Bible this week one of the Proverbs talked about how a fool is quick to spill his guts but a wise man holds his tongue. I want to be wise, and I want to hold my tongue. But I'm practically biting it to keep it inside!
Oh this holiness business sure does get hard. I want to be like Jsus so deeply. It's my number one obsession in this life. But He sure does take me seriously when I ask Him to refine me. Does the fire have to be this hot? Ouch.
He who has understanding spares his words,
And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Proverbs 17:27
Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace. Proverbs 17:28
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking,
But he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
He who guards his mouth preserves his life,
But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction. Proverbs 13:3
Whoever guards his mouth and tongue
Keeps his soul from troubles. Proverbs 21:23
The heart of the righteous studies how to answer,
But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil. Proverbs 15:28
A fool's mouth is his destruction,
And his lips are the snare of his soul. Proverbs 18:7
The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger,
And his glory is to overlook a transgression. Proverbs 19:11
A fool vents all his feelings,
But a wise man holds them back. Proverbs 29:11
Do you see a man hasty in his words?
There is more hope for a fool than for him. Proverbs 29:20
But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they
will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your
words you will be justified, and by your words you will be
condemned. Matthew 12:36-37