You know, when you leave the hospital when you have your first baby, they forget to send you home with a parenting manual. One of those "Here's what to expect every single minute of your child's life and how to cope" kinda books? Ya. I'd pay big bucks for that one.
I knew I'd lose some sleep as a parent, but I never expected all these strange combinations of sleep deprivation. Never in a million years.
Sleeping at night has become a strenuous task for this preggo mamma. I feel a bazillion horrible symptoms at once. Like:
- Restless leg syndrome (I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but many people have it and I am totally not making it up!)
- Back pain
- Leg cramps
- Bloody nose
- Having to go to the bathroom every hour
- Needing a drink in the middle of the night
- Tossing and turning generally every 20 minutes
- Feeling baby kicking me throughout the night (It's sweet really. But sometimes if feels like he's punching his way out...)
- My mind constantly running, thinking about what life will be like with the baby
- And there are a myriad of other symptoms I am sparing you the details of. Believe me, it's for the better. You're welcome.
Despite my best attempts, I still don't sleep well. Like last night.
My daughter woke up crying in the other room so SuperDan went to comfort her and take her potty. That woke me up and it usually takes about 30 minutes for me to fall back asleep when that happens.
She woke up crying again. So this time I took her potty, put her back to bed, then stared at the ceiling for another 30 minutes before entering dreamland.
Then she mischievously slipped into our bed a few hours later. I awoke to a warm trickling sensation down my leg.
Yes. She had peed on me.
Oh the woes!
I got her changed, put her on the potty, tucked her back on bed, then came back to our bed wondering how in the world I would avoid the wet spot. I tried to maneuver myself around it but I kept accidentally touching it and cried out in disgust. SuperDan awoke and offered to go sleep on the couch so I could take his side of the bed. Who wants to change the sheets in the middle of the night? Not me.
When the alarm went off reminding me it was time to get ready for church, I felt like a train hit me. Really? This is torture. It really is.
Off to church we went. Me in my zombie state, SuperDan wired up on coffee, and my toddler bouncing off the walls as if she'd slept for 10 years straight. How can little kids pull that off, anyways?
Church was difficult. I moved this way and that, shifted in my chair, tried to look like a normal adult. To no avail. I waddled out into the foyer so I could pace around. I was followed two different times by cute little old ladies checking on me, just making sure I was okay. I laughed inside my head thinking, "Oh thanks for your concern! I was totally going into labor and I don't know what I would have done without you!" I smiled and thanked them but assured them that I was fine, just uncomfortable.
It's funny you know. One day I'm going to wake up and my children will be grown and I will be getting a totally awesome night's sleep every single night. I'm sure I will look back on these memories and laugh. I know it's just a phase in my life that I have to go through being a mom.
This afternoon I was ready for a nap. The little princess remarked that she was off to the potty to go #2. This usually is no problem for her to do by herself. But something inside told me to go check on her after about 10 minutes.
Mother's intuition, never leave home without it! I found #2, lots of #2. In places where #2 should never be. I exclaimed, "Stop! Freeze! Don't move! Mommy's getting some wipes. Don't touch anything!"
My adrenaline was rushing too much after this point, so the possibility of a nap floated away like a cloud. Oh well, there's always the chance that tonight might be better!
Until that day (you know, the day when I actually will get a good night's sleep) please forgive my zombie state. I didn't used to have bags under my eyes, I can assure you! Now I better go change the sheets before I forget and sleep on the dried pee tonight... oh dear.