Have you ever felt small? Not necessarily in the physical, vertically-challenged sort of way (all though I could totally identify with you there). But in the insignificant or unimportant sort of way? I think we all have at some point in our lives.
It can be difficult to feel worth something in a world that idolizes popularity and fame. If we're not on top of the world we can feel left out or forgotten.
I myself have felt this way at times. It comes and goes according to my circumstances. Some days I'm on the mountaintop, and boy does it feel good. But when those valleys come, boy does it feel bad.
After moving back from overseas, left with no job and no certain direction for the future, I have felt insignificant. I have grieved my place and purpose in Baku. I have had to run to Father to find my identity in Him alone once again. It's a lesson I keep learning over and over again. He is relentless for my heart and will stop at nothing to have all of me. My dreams are shattered and He offers His hand for me to hold. The question is, will I turn to Him for my everything or run after broken cisterns that never satisfy? A job will never satisfy the deepest longings in my heart. Despite the fact that I feel most alive when I am overseas serving in a poor country... I still need to find my worth in Father and not in what I am doing. And if He brings me back to America with more lessons in store for me to learn, then I will humbly obey.
The questions arise... "Who am I? What is my purpose now? Where will we go next?" haunt me constantly. I can't deny their existence. I may not have control over my destiny, but I do have control over my actions and response to my circumstances. Will I run to His throne for my daily bread instead of feeding off the satisfaction of work? Will I rest in His arms instead of twiddling my thumbs searching for my next move?
And then the simple question every mom asks herself arises... "Is being just a mom enough?"
Whenever I look into the eyes of my little princess, I am reminded that it is. I don't have to have a glorious job "on the side" to complete myself. I know in due time Father will bring us to the place He has for us. In the meantime, I need to hand Him the reigns and let Him drive.
I opened my devotional book today and was struck by how timely the words were for me. Father has a way of doing that, doesn't He? May the words I read touch your heart the same way they touched mine...
His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!"- Matthew 25:23
In our own lives, the small days will make us faithful in small things so we can be trusted later with big things. This is also the place where we learn to find our satisfaction not in the prophecy or promise but in Father. He must be the sole source of our identiy. Each of us starts in Bethlehem, finding our identity in Father and becoming faithful in small things. It would be much nicer, from a carnal perspective, to skip Bethlehem and go right to Zion. But the journey to our highest destiny starts with little responsibilities. It may mean being neglected, pushed aside, and ignored. But this significant season lays the foundation for success later on. it's an essential, inescapable part of the journey from which nobody is exempt, not even Father's Son. Both David and Father's Son had their small beginnings in Bethlehem, yet both were destined to rule with Father's authority. If the eternal King started in Bethlehem, so will anyone who follows Him.