I have to say that lately I've been feeling a bit down. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think it has something to do with missing family back in the states.
All my life I've been dreaming of the life I am living now. Why on earth would I not be completely and totally satisfied?
Because I never knew what it was like to have a child.
Life completely changed the moment Sitora Faye Gilboy entered my life. And not only did she enter our lives, but she entered the lives of our family. We have the most incredible family in the world- one couldn't dream of more amazing relatives. I am so close to my family and my in-laws. I feel like I can ask them anything, tell them anything, go anyplace and do anything with them!
My heart grieves not sharing life with them here. I see every adorable thing Sitora does on a daily basis and think to myself, "My mom would have loved to see this. She would have taken more photos than I did!" Or when I am pinched for a babysitter I think, "Danny's sisters would have run over here in a heartbeat." You get the picture.
You see, it was never hard for me to leave the country when I was a single gal. Adventure was on the horizon and my heart was churning to live overseas. But now, we have a little princess on this journey alongside us. And so many people love and adore her back home. I can't help but feel guilty at times that I've taken her away from that. And I feel guilty that she can't run and play freely in our 3 acre yard back in the states with a creek and apple orchard.
I received an incredibly encouraging email from one of our students here today. He reminded me about a lesson I gave a few months back about leaving behind all the "pretty things" back home in order to serve here, whatever the sacrifice may be. He told me that he's listening, even when I don't expect it.
Time to practice what I preach.
*sigh* And yet, I know its all worth it. Deep inside my heart of hearts I have no doubt at all. This is the life that He wants me to live, and I want to live it well.
I've traded a 3 acre yard for an apartment building so that I have more time to spend listening to others, loving well, and simplifying my schedule.
I've traded all my "pretty things" in order to give to those in need.
I've traded busy schedules in order to spend more quality time with my husband and daughter.
I've traded my car and driving freedoms in order to sit on the bus or metro and focus my heart on the people I see.
I've traded speaking my native language in order to learn another so that I can communicate with those I meet.
He says if you lose your life for His sake, you will find it.
I rest upon this promise.