Java Mamma

Chocolate peanut butter cupcakes

2012-02-28T20:38:00.000-06:00

Another good name for this recipe would be Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Cupcakes.

Yum :)

Ingredients (Cupcake part)

1/2 packed brown sugar
1 egg
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 cup chocolate chips
1 teaspoon vanilla (divided)
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg
1 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Ingredients (Frosting)

1/2 cup butter
1 cup peanut butter
3 tablespoons milk
2 cups powdered sugar

Cupcake Instructions

Beat the 1st three ingredients for cupcakes, stir in chocolate chips and vanilla, then set aside
Beat remaining 1/2 teaspoon vanilla, butter, sugar, and 1/3 cup brown sugar until creamy, then add egg and beat
Combine flour, soda, and 1/2 teaspoon salt in separate bowl, then stir into butter mixture
Place in mini muffin cups
Bake at 350 degrees F for 12 minutes
Spoon chocolate chip mixture over (that you set aside in step one) and bake 10 more minutes

Frosting Instructions

Place butter and peanut butter in a bowl and beat
Gradually mix in powdered sugar and milk one tablespoon at a time while beating

Use a decorating bag tool to squeeze out frosting in fun designs on top. Here is a picture of the cupcakes before you add the frosting.

My apron doesn't fit like it used to. I wonder why?

My little helpers!

Note: After making this recipe, I decided that the cupcake ingredients (minus the chocolate chip layer) weren't quite enough. I had too much frosting and chocolate chip layering left over. I would double the cupcake portion of the recipe next time.

What is more precious?

2012-02-27T10:00:00.000-06:00

What is more precious

than two little girls

quietly working away at their crafts

by the window

with the morning light streaming through?

What is more precious

than a baby bump

growing every day

with kicks and hiccups

reminding me

that life is precious

and a gift?

The things she says...

2012-02-24T21:11:00.002-06:00

For a three year old, my small little child can communicate her thoughts so intricately. It's a blessing and it can also be exhausting.

She asks a million questions every single day. There are times when I have to politely ask, "Honey, I know you love talking and asking questions, but can mommy have a little break for a while?" If you think I'm horrible for saying that, try answering little tag-a-long's questions 24/7 and you will probably find yourself saying the same thing ;)

In the car she looks out the window with her furrowed brow deep in thought. I know a question is coming soon when she gives "that look".

"Mom, is Tigger a Tiger?"
"Are you a husband or a wife?"
"Is my baby brother ready to come out yet?"
"Why can't we live in Baku anymore?"
"Do dogs have hair?"
"Can we go on a special date to a coffee shop today?"
"Why is that lady sad?"

Her favorite Bible story lately has been David and Goliath. So much so that she requested it at bedtime for months. Every. single. night. How could I refuse? If she loves a Bible story, I'm not going to tell her she can't read it. Lately she's developed quite a compassionate heart for Goliath. She always pouts her lip, furrows her brow, and in a soft voice says, "I want to go into this story, to this country, and help take that rock out of Goliath's head. I want to make him feel better."

Things like this make me have to think really hard. I'm not going to just give my kid typical answers to shoo away her questions. I really want to answer them, and answer them well. Often this means I have to be honest, but deliver the message in kid form.

She's getting to that age. You know. That age. When you can't say whatever you want in front of her anymore. She picks up on things. "What did you say about so-in-so? What happened?" She hears it. She understands. She cares too.

I've been trying for long time to take these opportunities to teach her about character. When these questions come up it's a ripe time for it. The other day she asked why I slowed down while driving. I explained that the rules were I had to drive slow on this particular street, or else a police man would get mad at me. She replied immediately, "Well go fast, because I don't see a police man!" I laughed. Really hard. Then I sighed and explained, "Honey, I have to do what's right even if the police man can't see us." I hope she gleaned something from this last minute character lesson.

She also sings along to the radio. We listen to K-Love in the car since I have literally no CD's after living overseas. She asks what certain words mean that are sung. She sings the songs long after we exit the car. She pretends she is "Scott and Kelly" from the K-Love show. As the saying goes, "Be careful little ears what you hear." It breaks my heart to think of the trash that some kids hear from adult music. Our little ones do not need to be exposed to it.

I've been reading Doctor Dobson's book Bringing Up Boys. Even if you don't have a son, I think it's an amazing book to read! It's great for teachers and youth leaders, or any kind of leader for that matter. Our role as parents is so incredibly insanely immensely important, and yet so many parents are suffering through their own selfishness and dysfunction that they can barely keep up with parenting. It saddens my heart. This is the next generation we are talking about.

The other day I was in the Wal-mart parking lot getting Sitora out of her carseat when I heard a commotion nearby. A woman and man were screaming obscenities at each other (horrible, awful things) while the lady was reaching in the backseat with a child. I could hear the child screaming as well, and my mother instinct kicked in like a wild bear. I walked right over to them with Sitora and waited until they noticed me. Startled and embarrassed, they listened while I explained I'd heard the screaming and wanted to know if everything was okay. The lady proceeded to show me a package of new earrings they'd just purchased and explained she was changing her daughter's earrings for the first time. They assured me that everything was okay. I was glad to see the child wasn't being abused (at least to my knowledge) and I hoped that by me walking over there gave those adults a kick in the pants. I wanted them to know that someone noticed what was going on. I was willing to call the cops if necessary.

It breaks my heart that parents today expose their children to such horrible things as this. Unfortunately I believe our generation has bought the lie that everything is "about us" and that we should "do what's right for ourselves" and that it will work out for the children. Nonsense. Children are the first ones to suffer from our selfishness and dysfunction.

I am not saying I am a perfect parent. Far from it. But I have made changes in my life to raise my daughter. My husband and I have experienced a deep deep growth in our relationship since becoming parents. We have to die to ourselves, die to our flesh and our selfishness. We have to forgive, love, and chose to love even when it hurts. We are better adults for it. We make sacrifices and choices based on what's best for our family. It's not easy. I will be the first to tell you it's not easy. Like I've stated many times before in past posts like this one here, I was never the first girl to say I would be a stay-at-home-mom. I never dreamed this would be my life.

But I wouldn't change it for the world.

My heart goes out to broken parents. I hope that in this next season of our lives we are able to touch this generation of hurting adults here in America.

I see you

2012-02-22T15:17:00.001-06:00

How to make cream cheese won tons

2012-02-21T12:54:00.005-06:00

Chinese food. Yummy in my tummy.

Have you ever ordered Chinese takeout and the cream cheese won tons were either super expensive or on the yucky side? Well suffer no more! Learn how to make your own :)

Ingredients:

Won ton wraps (found at Walmart by the produce)
Cream cheese
Chopped garlic
Cooking oil
Small cup of water

Instructions:

Place won ton wraps on a plate (about four at a time works best)
Scoop garlic on each wrap
Scoop cream cheese on top of garlic
Fold won ton wraps
Dip your fingers in the cup of water then use your wet fingers to secure the wraps closed
Fry in a pan of oil (about one inch deep) on each side until golden brown
Place on paper towel on a plate (to soak up excess grease) then cover with something to keep warm until served
I serve won tons with home-made fried rice and stir fry, or with our Chinese takeout
Enjoy!

Mommy practice

2012-02-20T13:58:00.001-06:00

She'll make such a good mommy... someday :)

The funny thing is, I don't tell her to do any of these things pictured above. She does it on her own. It's amazing to see the feminine nature Father has instilled in her heart. She watches me clean, and she insists on helping. She helps put her doll to sleep and gives her sweet kisses. I remind myself every day never to forget that she is always watching me. I have a little person tagging along soaking up my every action and word. This is a big responsibility, being a parent.

Good thing I am tagging along Someone greater than me, Someone's love and grace I can soak in, Someone Who makes me a better person every day.

Unexpected haircut

2012-02-19T22:23:00.000-06:00

We all know that there is a special rite of passage for all small children.

An unexpected haircut. Not at the salon.

Here's my princess just a few hours before the locks came off...

And after.

It's not as bad as it could be, really. It could have been cut by her forehead or on top of her head. My reaction when it happened? I laughed :) Life is just what you make it.

We'll have to add some layers to soften the blunt cut. It will all work out. Memories, I tell myself. We're making memories.

On a totally random note, here is a picture of us playing outside this week. Yup. We're Northerners. We're hard core like that.

Why I like facebook

2012-02-17T12:24:00.000-06:00

I've seen many people over the years take "a break" from facebook, or turn it off for a short period of time. For many of these people facebook has become a distraction in their lives and they need to get away from it. For others they feel like it is a waste of their time. I completely understand this and have taken time away from things that distract me as well (or that I was addicted to... like.. ehem... coffee).

But for me, facebook has always been a blessing and a way to stay connected with the ones I love. We've moved so many times over the past few years that facebook helps us to stay in touch with friends and family. I try and make sure I post a lot of information about our lives on it so others can get a glimpse of what we are up to.

My husband and I are extremely extroverted. We. love. people. We thrive on people. I guess that's why we love ministry so much. It's crazy, but we care about others so much sometimes it hurts. We love seeing what's going on in everyone's lives through facebook. We can tell when someone is hurting by the kinds of posts they write over time, and it causes us to pray for them and sometimes even message them asking if they need to talk. We consider facebook an incredible ministry tool. (This is probably mostly due to the fact that we've been in youth ministry for 6 years. Teens and young people use it more than adults sometimes.) We try to comment on people's pictures and posts frequently so they know we love and care about them. It's the world we live in- facebook is today's reality. It is the social network of our time and there is great advantage in using facebook to share Father's love!

We consider ourselves in "the people business"- I know that sounds funny but it's true. There are times we lay awake at night talking about someone we know who is struggling. We go on dates to "get away" and find ourselves talking about the people in our lives over dinner. Sometimes I laugh and say, "Ok, no more work talk. This date is about us!" But we just can't help it!

We want to be relevant with the times. It's like a book I saw at the store that I want to read called Modern Parents Vintage Values. We want to stay "with it" and know what's going on in this day and age, not hiding away in a cave for the rest of our lives. Facebook definitely gives us a pretty good outlook of what this generation is thinking and feeling. But that doesn't mean we water down our faith or lower our standards. We want to be in the world, but not of it.

Facebook can be an awesome thing, if you have self control and use it wisely. I know not everyone can do that, but for those that can, use it for all the good you can!

Rockstar much?

2012-02-16T21:18:00.001-06:00

American Idol in her future?

Broadway?

Worship leader?

Most likely, yes.

I started reading Bringing Up Boys by Dr. Dobson. I've only gone through the first chapter and I'm already scared to death! Basically, his point for chapter one was to convince me as a mother that one of my main jobs is to just keep my young son alive. *Gulp* Boys are definitely not girls. I know how to raise girls, boys, not so much. My husband will be guiding me through this process- thank the Lord!

I guess I could raise a rockstar boy too... you never know :)

Love love love love love

2012-02-14T19:44:00.000-06:00

I. love. Valentine's. Day

Why?

Mostly because I finally have a Valentine :) These past 6 1/2 years with my husband have been a dream come true, and those years waiting for Mr. Right were long and sometimes sad. (Yes, I was the broken-hearted girl in Spanish class pretending to do my homework while the popular girls got Valentine's roses and teddy bears delivered by the school student council from their boyfriends.)

I also love spoiling the princess on holidays and today was just another excuse to do so. We made a big deal of calling her "our special Valentine" all day long and telling her how much we love her. I wrote her out a card and had SuperDan read it to her. Her face lit up like the sun as she listened and munched on her cupcake marshmallow on a stick.

I made a mushy card for my man and gave him lots of unhealthy treats. He gave me romantic things like chocolate, bath beads, and a candle.

We went to Olive Garden for lunch while Sitora stayed at Grandma's house. It was romantic and sweet and perfect. Now we are doing puzzles with Sitora and watching Valentine shows on TV. I am such a sucker for holidays. When's the next one? :)

I'm 30 weeks preggo... not much time left before we meet little man Gilboy! I am sooo ready to be a mommy of two!

Mamma braids

2012-02-12T16:59:00.000-06:00

So I tried a waterfall french braid on myself yesterday. It was hard to do it by myself the first time, but I think after I few tries I'll get better at it.

I started behind my left ear then worked my way around the back of my head to my right ear. I bobby-pinned the end of the braid and covered the pins up with a flower clip.

I didn't like the way my bangs were hanging in my face (I'm growing them out) so I french braided them as well and pinned them under the flower clip.

I scrunched my hair with gel instead of curling it because I wanted to go for the natural look that a braid suggests.

This next style I did two days ago was really easy. I just french braided all of my hair loosely starting from behind my left ear. I worked my way around the back of my head and then kept braiding the ends of my hair (that were hanging on the the side, like a side pony-tail) and secured with an elastic. I then wrapped the long braid around in a circle and pinned in place behind my right ear. To cover up the pins I placed a flower clip in the middle of the braided circle. I twisted my bangs back into the braid and secured with bobby pins.

I like braiding my hair once in a while because it gives my locks a break from heat and product. Plus it keeps my hair out of my face when cooking and cleaning. I try to curl/straighten my hair only max 3 times a week to help it stay healthy and grow faster. The more heat, the more damage, the more trims = the slower you can grow it out.

I also don't wash my hair everyday. If my bangs or the top of my head is greasy I will only wash those parts. Otherwise I use baby powder and gently massage it into my roots to soak up the grease. It really works! (I don't know how it would work on a brunette though? The white powder might not blend in.)

I'm having lots of fun trying new hairstyles again! The baby nausea from the first trimester really did me in. I was lucky then if I just showered, let alone styled my hair!

Until next time :)

Zig-zag french braid

2012-02-11T14:15:00.000-06:00

Day two of trying cooler hairstyles complete.

This braid is just like two french braids except you zig-zag the part instead of parting the hair straight down. It gives it a little creative edge on a typical style.

If you take a look at where your daughter's (or whoever you are doing hair for) hair parts in the front by their forehead, try to start there with the zig-zag part. Sitora's hair has always parted on the side, so I never part her hair in the middle. It would make a funky cow-lick looking thing if I did that. I see this on a lot of little girls. Stick with your child's natural part and go from there.

The good news is, tomorrow for Sunday service I can take out Sitora's braids and she'll have beautiful natural waves! I'll probably just put a flower clip in the front and leave the rest down. I made sure to braid her hair right after her bath, that way it was easier to keep the braids tight and the waves will be more pronounced tomorrow morning :)

I love having a daughter. I told SuperDan that we can have 10 boys now since I have my girl. It just dawned on me yesterday that someday my princess will grow up and I won't have anyone else's hair to do (unless I have more daughters, but they will grow up too). I think I'll have to be the neighborhood granny stylist and do all the neighbor girls' hair for kicks!

Waterfall french braid

2012-02-10T13:53:00.000-06:00

I've been getting bored of the same ol' hairstyles I keep doing on Sitora. So I decided to bust out the waterfall braid yesterday for fun!

Her hair is so fine and silky that this style is quite difficult to keep intact. Next time I will pull the braid even tighter when braiding, and obviously use hairspray when it's finished.

The fun thing about this style is you can do the waterfall braid however you like: just on the side, both sides coming back together, or all around the head like I did here.

I am sharing a how-to tutorial from youtube to help you try this style! Next I'm going to try it on myself :)

Prosperity versus suffering

2012-02-07T15:29:00.001-06:00

This is a touchy subject, especially amongst believers. But I feel that it's important to address.

Growing up as a young believer, I always had the notion that if I obeyed all the rules, played the good girl role, and did whatever I was told, then naturally everything would fall in to place. I did enjoy great teenage years in my youth group and had wonderful friends and experiences- because I obeyed my parents and the scriptures I was spared many heartaches. But when I started going really really deep in my faith, it seemed that trials began to pop up.

I remember the first time I experienced deep heartache, and I thought to myself, "Why would Father allow me to experience this pain when all I have done is tried to obey Him?" Despite the setback I continued serving Him and chose not to let the trial rip me away from my faith.

As I studied scriptures and faith matters at college I began to realize that maybe I had it backwards all along. I had always equated suffering with failure. That somehow me experiencing a trial meant that I had done something wrong. That I was being punished so that I could learn from my mistakes. Aiming for perfection had seemed to bring even more suffering, and I couldn't understand why. Until my eyes were opened.

There are two events that I give credit to this epiphany. The first was a book my mother recommended to me after I experienced yet another heartache. Pain, Perplexity, and Promotion: A Prophetic Interpretation of the Book of Job by Bob Sorge. It had never occurred to me before I read this book that suffering is equated with deep faith. I highlighted almost every word in this book as it resonated with my soul. Every question I had ever asked Father about my suffering seemed to be answered in this book. I'll never forget the moment when I read that when we pray for the Lord to send the fire to purify our hearts (and we really mean it) then Father will take us seriously. He talked about how some believers aren't serious about deepening their faith, therefore they don't cry out for Him to humble them and mold them into His image. But those who are serious about being changed, will be changed. He then went on to say that it is a privilege to suffer for righteousness' sake because it is a sign that Father is purposely working in your heart. I was floored. Truly floored. This was new to me.

The second event that changed my perspective on suffering was the teachings of a certain teacher at college named Nita. Anyone reading this who knows Nita, knows what I am talking about. I loved all my teachers for different reasons, but I loved Nita for the reason that she opened my eyes to the Lord's purpose for suffering in our lives. I wrote notes furiously when she taught. It seemed that every word coming from her mouth was spoken straight from the Lord to me.

Her point she kept trying to get across to us students was that Father is more concerned about our hearts than what we can do for Him. Of course He wants us to serve Him and live a passionate effective life for His Kingdom, but His first priority is our hearts. This floored me. I had always been so focused on what I could do do do for others, for Him. I ran myself weary trying to save the whole world and back around again, that I hadn't even considered that my heart was more precious to Him than my works.

Nita said in class once, "Father is more concerned about the location of your heart than your geographical location." This too floored me. We were at a college studying how to live overseas and serve the poor and needy. To say that He wanted our hearts in the right place more than He wanted us living overseas was a new concept in my mind.

Another thing she said that changed my life was that Father is so passionate about being number one in our hearts, that He will do everything in His power to rip those idols out of our lives so that all that is left to do is run and fall down at His feet. It finally occurred to me in that moment that Father had used the suffering in my life to make me fall more in love with Him, not to punish me. It doesn't necessarily mean He caused the suffering, but it does mean He used it to build my character. It means He didn't come with a horse and chariot to whisk me away from the suffering before I could experience it. He knew it would come to me, and He knew He would be with me through it all. He knew that I would come out looking a little more like His Son, bit by bit. I was serious about knowing Him, so He was serious about making it happen.

When you think about all the heroes and heroines from Scripture, do you think about all the suffering they endured? Abraham, Moses, Rehab, Noah, Joseph, David, Daniel, Mary. And of course the most important One of all, Father's Son! If anyone deserved an easy life and ministry, it was Him! But quite the contrary! Father's Son lived a life of suffering. He was hated by many, deserted by those He loved, and eventually tortured and killed. Can you imagine if these things happened to a famous pastor or leader in this day and age? Would we consider him successful?

Now whenever I experience suffering, instead of pounding my fist into the air asking why Father would allow such an atrocity, I picture the life of Father's Son and ask myself, "What did He experience in His life and ministry? Am I too far above Him that I should not suffer as well?" It somehow gives me a fresh perspective on the trial and I have the courage to press on.

But I would also like to add that I do believe we experience wonderful blessings in this life when we obey and serve Father! I have a million blessings in my life that would take hours upon hours to write about. Blessings I can hardly believe have come my way. But my point is that the believer shouldn't add up their prosperity versus suffering to determine their standing with Father. Blessings and suffering come to the believer who determines to live a passionate, radical life for Him.

1 and 2 Peter are amazing books of Scripture to read about suffering. Peter basically explains that we shouldn't be the least bit surprised when trials come our way. And early in my life I had been surprised. But not anymore.

If you experience blessings from the Lord, then praise Him! And if you experience suffering, rejoice in this as well, for you are looking a little bit more like Him through it all.

Sitora's birth story

2012-02-06T16:53:00.000-06:00

With all the tragedy we've experienced this past weekend (read here) I've been thinking a lot about my blessings.

As we cried and prayed together yesterday in Sunday morning service for the girls and family affected in this crash, I felt my little man kick inside my belly. I realized with tears in my eyes that life is precious. I looked down at my beautiful three year old and again was struck with thankfulness.

Even if we don't have a job, or a house, we still have our lives. My husband and I are healthy, my daughter is thriving, and my baby boy inside is growing every day. We are blessed.

I have been thinking of writing a post for quite some time about Sitora's birth, and I've decided this is the right time to do it...

It all started three years ago on Friday, January 16th. We had our good friends over for one of their marriage counseling sessions with us before their wedding. Afterwards we decided to play rock band together and eat some dessert. We had a blast staying up until midnight laughing and hanging out. I finally crashed in bed without thinking the next day would be the big day!

I woke up at 6:00am on Saturday, January 17th feeling, ehem... a bit wet you could say :) I wondered to myself if I had wet my pants. It wasn't a whole lot of fluid, so I wasn't sure if my water had broke or not. I decided to sleep on the couch for a couple more hours and wait. At 8:00am still nothing had changed so I called the doctor on call at the hospital (sadly my doctor was not working that weekend) and she told me to come in so they could check to make sure. She replied, "Eat a nice healthy breakfast, pack your hospital bag, and get here when you can!" So SuperDan made me a yummy breakfast, I showered, and we leisurely got our things together and headed out the door finally around noon. We weren't sure if I was in labor or not, so we weren't anxious or nervous. We called our parents just to let them know what was going on. I remember thinking to myself, "Is this really it? It's not as dramatic as I supposed it would be."

By the time we reached the hospital (about 10 minutes away) my contractions started coming harder and closer together. We were asked if I wanted a wheelchair but I declined because I wanted to continue walking and moving. When we arrived in our room the doctor checked me and determined that the baby's head was blocking the way for the rest of my water to break (that's why I only felt a bit of it early that morning), so she broke it for me. At this point I was about 3-4 centimeters. After that my contractions started coming even closer together and were more intense. But they were still very easy to bear and no problem. The nurses and doctor on call read my natural birth plan and happily agreed to comply with all my wishes and immediately started helping me.

I switched laboring positions often, sometimes in the warm tub, sometimes leaning on a chair on my knees, sometimes leaning on the back of the bed. My back hurt so badly that SuperDan and the nurses had to constantly massage me. At one point (about 3:00pm) the nurse asked SuperDan when he last ate. He hadn't eaten all day! She gasped and exclaimed that it was extremely important that he get some food and brought him a plate to eat on the other side of the room. I let him eat for about... oh.... 20 seconds before I whispered in pain, "Get.... back... over... here!" I just could not labor without him next to me. It was impossible. Poor guy :) I think he got about one bite of something or another and one sip of juice.

I was progressing and slowly the labor was getting harder. I was sitting in the tub with my head on SuperDan's knees while he sat on a chair next to the tub. I then started to worry just a slight bit. Up until this point I had not been anxious at all, but suddenly I was hit with a tinge of fear. I wondered how much longer it would last and how much more pain I would have to endure.

All of a sudden, I looked up and saw a vision of Father's Son. I couldn't see His face clearly but I knew immediately that it was HIM. He was standing next to my husband with one arm draped around his shoulder, as if to signify that He was being Danny's support, and with His other hand He reached inside my womb and gently patted the baby's head and said to me, "Everything is going to be okay." Then He was gone.

I was numb with all kinds of emotions by that point. Number one, I was in pain physically. Number two, I was absolutely shocked out of my mind. And three, I was blessed beyond belief. I had no words. No words would have done this holy moment justice. I remained silent and didn't speak of it to my husband until after Sitora was born.

After that I knew I had nothing to fear. But the pain increased, and boy did it KILL! They moved me back onto the bed and I cried in pain, wondering how much more I could bear. In our birth plan, Danny and I had decided that if I wanted pain medication, that I would ask him three times five minutes apart, just to give us time to see if I really needed it. Despite my previous hopes for a natural birth, I asked Danny for the medication. I felt like I was going out of my mind. Five minutes later I asked again. Five minutes after that I asked a third time. So finally Danny told the nurse what we had decided. When the doctor arrived she was surprised to find that I was 10 centimeters and ready to push! It didn't matter that I finally asked for the medicine, there was no time. So we are thankful looking back now that we had our "ask three times five minutes apart" rule!

I had at least three nurses and the doctor helping hold my legs while I pushed with my husband by my side. I was too exhausted to labor anywhere else besides the bed by this point. Suddenly it occurred to me that I forgot how to breathe. I know that sounds completely absurd, but for some reason between the exhaustion and pushing, I just could not remember to breathe. The nurse gave me an oxygen mask and coached me in breathing while pushing. It was such a special moment for me with that nurse because she never made me feel stupid through it all, she just treated me with warmth and compassion. After twenty minutes of pushing Sitora entered this world at 6:53pm. Danny was the first to tell me it was a girl. I couldn't believe it was all over! She was 7 pounds 13 ounces and 19 inches long. But the best part was she had a ton of hair! I was absolutely elated that I was able to give birth without using any medication. I didn't want a medal of honor for it- it was all because I had studied the effects the medication can have on newborns.

Part of the placenta got stuck inside my uterus, so the doctor had to remove it manually. That. was. worse. than. labor. I'm not even kidding. Oh my goodness. I lost so much blood in the process that they almost gave me a blood transfusion. Thankfully I didn't end up needing it as the I.V. for the next 24 hours or so helped tremendously.

I've never seen a vision of Father's Son before or after this event. Up until then I'd only heard Father's voice audibly once when I was 11 at a kid's camp service (where He called me into full time ministry).

Seeing Him has been one of the most precious moments of my life. How can you completely express how something like that affects you? To think that He would show Himself to me in one of the weakest moments of my life. He knew how important my baby was to me. He knew how badly I wanted a natural birth and how much I loved my baby. He knows the little things about us that we may think are overlooked. Of all the times in my life to show Himself to me, it was this. I cannot think of a more humble way for Him to come to me. But of course, I shouldn't be surprised! For this is the One who sent His One and only Son to the earth to be born in a barn with animals, and then slaughtered for our sins. All for the love He so passionately held for all of us.

I don't know how little man's birth will pan out. Sometime ignorance is bliss, and when you know what to expect you are even more nervous. But I'm not dwelling on it. I know there will be pain. I know it will be difficult. But I know The One who stands there with me, holding my hand and my husband's hand, carrying us through the whole way. And somehow this deep conviction of faith carries me through this uncertain time in our lives where we wait for an answer. I do not know what the future holds, but I have SEEN the One who carries me through! That is more than enough for me :)

Big kid class

2012-02-05T21:58:00.000-06:00

My little girl is growing up.

Today was her first time in the "bigger" nursery class on Sunday morning. Meaning... she's three and potty trained. Both of those criteria have to be met in order to join the class (hey... that means most of us would be eligible to join too!) Hehe...

I was so proud of her. She didn't have any accidents and was super excited to tell me all the fun things they did. I get really sentimental when she brings me her craft sheet that she colored or glued something-or-another on (I just hope she's not the kid eating the glue though...) I remember when I was in junior high helping out with the three year old class on Sunday mornings... I would sit on the kid sized chairs (that still fit me) with the adorable munchins and had a blast coloring with them. I was so happy when the parents picked up their smiling kids and watched them "oo" and "ah" over their coloring pages. And now, I am that parent. It really brings me to tears. I just love it.

Here is a video of our big girl "reading" a book. Her little voice is precious, is it not?

Book time

2012-02-01T15:39:00.001-06:00

When life brings it's uncertainties, I can always count on our book time. No matter how crabby either of us has been, no matter what happened that day, no matter how I feel about life, book time is always the same.

Every night. 10 + books. And don't even try to hide one, because little Señorita will find you out. She's a smart one.

It's the little seemingly mundane daily tasks that make up the life of a mommy. But if you pick apart each activity and see it for the beautiful thing it is, instead of grouping it together as just a list of things to do that day, then it can be a deeply sentimental moment.

As a mom I can't really think ahead too much. I have to take each day at a time. And honestly, I'm mostly taking it one hour at a time. Because it's complicated and uncertain. It's beautiful and it's humbling.

But even if I tried to blame book time on calming Sitora down, I wouldn't be giving it the credit it deserves. I think book time calms this mamma down as much as it does this toddler.

Books on my wish list

2012-01-30T17:54:00.000-06:00

I had a little time on my hands to spare today while running errands around town. Place of choice? Book store!

I read a bit from each of the books I would be interested in buying, wrote the titles down, and plan on having SuperDan find them cheaper online for me.

I like to read books that give me a well rounded education on counseling and spiritual matters. I try to read books on topics I want to learn more about. Since SuperDan and I love helping counsel others, I devour books on topics like these.

I thought I would share a few of the titles I ran across today that will definitely make my wish list!

1. Modern Parents Vintage Values
2. Preparing Your Daughter For Every Woman's Battle
3. Bringing Up Girls/ Bringing Up Boys
4. Challenging The Unnecessary Delay Of Marriage
5. Letters To A Young Pastor

And with that I'll leave you with this video to brighten your day :)

Family = Important

2012-01-28T19:59:00.002-06:00

I have a little "rant" raving in my head. It has been for many many years. I guess I've never written about it. I don't even think one measly little post could cover my thoughts entirely on the issue. But I feel like trying, nonetheless.

Parenting. Man. It is so incredibly important.

I just watched the movie Courageous a few nights ago and was blown away. How those fathers changed their lives and parenting styles goes along exactly with how I view parenting.

Many parents do a good job raising their kids, but few parents do an extremely fantastic job. There is a difference.

If you've seen the movie, you can recall how the fathers changed their mediocre approach to parenting and started aggressively pursuing their children's hearts. I like that.

I've been serving vigorously in ministry since high school, and have worked alongside my husband in youth ministry for 6 years. We've seen the results of good parenting and not so good parenting in those teens lives. You can see a difference in a child's life when their mom and dad actively work on a deep relationship, when they take on the full responsibility of being the spiritual mentor (instead of always leaving it up to the pastors), when they continually foster open communication with their child and know and care about what's going on in their heart.

There are two sides to parenting, in my opinion. (I know I'm not some famous so-and-so with six degrees... so you don't have to believe me if you don't want to). One part involves fostering respect for authority in your child's life with correct discipline, but the other part involves finding the root issue in your child's heart and seeking out what makes them tick, what hurts them, what makes them act the way they do. You can't just shove rules down their throat without relationship. Everything will blow up in your face if you do this. I've seen it. But you also can't give them everything they want and act like their best friend. People don't care about what you know, until they know that you care. Every child is unique, every situation so different, that it requires love and sacrifice on the parent's part to search out the best plan of action in that very moment.

I read an awesome article written by Ron Luce in a parenting magazine from Focus on the Family recently. I wanted to scream, "YES! YES! He is SO right on!" after I read his article. Ron Luce started Teen Mania ministries and runs different conferences and discipleship programs for teens- he's pretty much amazing. He wrote in his article about how he has studied his three children over the years to know how he can most effectively foster a deep relationship with them and help steer them in the right direction. He gave an example of how his teenage son was struggling to find a youth group where he fit in and felt comfortable. His son ended up liking a group almost an hour away, and asked his parents to drive him there every week. Ron wrote that because he wanted his son to thrive spiritually, he did it. How sacrificial and beautiful. He also wrote that he regularly reads spiritual books with his son, and then they meet for a weekly father/son breakfast date at a restaurant to discuss what they read. He said that by reading a book together it helps his son open up about issues he might not normally talk about.

I think many parents mean well, but they are missing the mark. We can't just send our children to school and church and hope they "turn out well in the end". It's our job to mentor them, train them, teach them, and the pastor's job is to supplement what you are already doing at home. I've seen many parents in my day blame the pastors for their children walking away from the Lord. I know pastors have a big influence in teens' lives, but ultimately the responsibility falls on us as the parents. When we stand before the King of Kings, will we whine and complain that so-in-so didn't do a good enough job pastoring us and our children, and blame them that everything didn't turn out right? No. We will take responsibility for our own actions and give account of how we lived our own lives.

I'm not saying this method is a fireproof method for raising perfect kids. I'm just saying that I've watched a lot of kids grow up over the years and have taken mental notes of the positive and lasting impacts great parenting has on children.

SuperDan and I have had the privilege of working alongside many amazing families over the years, and we've noted how the children were raised with the desire to develop the same habits. We've also seen some "not so good" parenting and taken mental notes on what not to do.

Of course I've had my moments where I felt like a failure as a parent. There have been times I have bent down on my knee to apologize to my daughter for something I did. Every day I ask the Lord for grace and wisdom to raise her. But I hope that through all this I am becoming a better mom every single day.

There is one particular teen from our old youth group that stands out in my mind and I will never forget. I always noted to myself how respectful he was to us, how willing he was to help out, how confident he was in himself despite others around him, how caring and equal he treated everyone around him, and basically how awesome he was. As I got to know his parents over time, it became crystal clear why he was so grounded and wonderful. I found out that he and his dad regularly had a bible study together with another father and son every single week. It occurred to me that the lessons and spiritual food he was being fed in our youth group was absolutely supplementary to what his father was already teaching him every week. My eyes fill up with tears even thinking of him while I type this because I treasure this family so much.

I don't know what the future holds for our family, but I do know that I take parenting seriously, and that will always come before work in our lives. Actually, our desire is to get involved in ministry that works well with our family situation. Currently I have a deep desire for young moms and their children because I can bring Sitora with me and foster our spiritual enrichment together (think playdates, mom small groups, nursery, etc... ) I don't want to send her to a babysitter all the time so I can be involved in work that pulls me away from focusing on motherhood. As Sitora grows older every year I will gladly get involved in the children's ministry, youth ministry, etc... so that I can be an active part of her life while serving Father at the same time. I once knew a lady who served as a youth leader so that she could be involved in her daughters' lives in a deeper way. She invited her daughters' youth group friends over on a regular basis for small groups and parties, drove the carpool to events, and served alongside the youth pastor as much as possible. I bet sometimes those teenagers drove her crazy. I bet sometimes she didn't feel like hanging out with teenagers on a constant basis. But I can tell you today that as adults those girls have a deep love and respect for their mother. I want to be like that mother.

I have more to write on this subject, but now it's time to read 10 bedtime stories to my daughter and pray with her before she goes to sleep. These seemingly small things can add up to big things later in life, and I don't want to miss one moment.

Happy Birthday!

2012-01-27T16:49:00.001-06:00

Our little princess turned three last week. I can't believe three years ago I met her for the first time. It seems like I've known her all my life. Funny how three years can change your whole world...

She is in love with Tinkerbell, so of course I had to buy the Tinkerbell candles I saw at the store. And of course she had to wear her Tinkerbell costume: green dress, wings, spunk and all. Notice that chocolate cake next to the Tinkerbell cake? That was for my dad - we celebrated his birthday as well. Except he got the totally awesome candle from Baku that is waaaay illegal to sell in America. It is like a mini fireworks display. So dangerous, and so yet mesmerizing. (FYI- No children were hurt in the production of this birthday candle display.)

Her pile of presents. Can you guess which items she was most excited to open? Her princess underwear from Nana and some rocks from 7 year old Sophia (yes, plain old rocks). Kids are simple you know?

Our attempt at a family photo. Sitora wanted to wear her new dress from Great Grandma Barbara so I raced downstairs to get a matching hair flower. I'm a little picky that way :)

Notice SuperDan in his Packers jersey? Ya, the party was right after Green Bay's loss. We were totally mortified, but Sitora's party lifted our spirits.

This was Sitora's first birthday that was only for family members. For her first and second year parties I totally went all out- decorations, tons of food, friends, games, party favors, you name it. It was super fun planning those parties in Baku and inviting all our friends, but this year it was nice to go simple. She still felt just as special and loved having her family members there.

One tradition we continued from past years was playing Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey. I seriously love this game and we will be playing this every single year for Sitora's birthdays if I can help it!

Another year past. Another year ahead. So much to be thankful for :)

Here's my princess at her birthday photoshoot- I know I already posted it yesterday but I just love it so much it's getting a rerun :)

This girl is 3

2012-01-26T17:11:00.000-06:00

Birthday celebration photos soon to follow...

Life on hold

2012-01-22T19:51:00.000-06:00

Have you ever called a company and they put you on hold?

You listen to that elevator music and just wait.

It's been five minutes, should you hang up and call back?

No, you'll lose your place in line if you hang up. You'll have to wait another five + minutes and start everything all over again.

More elevator music.

Oh goodie, it's a voice! Oh. It's just a recording telling you that all the operators are currently busy and the next available agent will be with you shortly.

How much longer is shortly?

*sigh*

I feel like my whole life is on hold right now. When is the answer coming? Everything and everyone else is passing me by while I just sit here.

And wait.

Three more months and I'll be holding our little man in my arms. Where will he be born? Where will we live? I don't know the answers. Is this how Mary felt wondering where her son, Father's Son, would be delivered? Was she scared? Anxious? Did she feel abandoned by her Creator in her most weakest moments? From what I've read about her in Scriptures, I take it she was a very trusting and obedient servant who did not doubt her Heavenly Father. I want to be like that. I want to trust 100%... and not just in words. For real. I want to trust for real. Help me Father. Help me trust You.

I'm not an organic hippie tree hugger... but...

2012-01-19T16:04:00.000-06:00

... I am starting to become interested in more natural alternatives in my lifestyle.

When we lived overseas, we had to be content with what we had. I couldn't despair over my disadvantage of living in a foreign country. I had to be resourceful and thankful for what I could come across.

But now that we do live in the US, I am taking some time to research natural remedies. It's been very enlightening... very enlightening indeed.

A few weeks ago I had a health scare that sent me into a whirlwind of insanity and research. Prescription medication was not an option for me because of the safety of my baby (and the unknowns of the medicine affecting pregnant women). So I scoured the internet for alternative natural remedies.

Thankfully my problem was not as bad as I thought, and I didn't end up needing treatment. But, in the meantime I stumbled across some pretty cool ideas for how I can use natural items in place of chemical ones in our lives.

Number one. Lotion. I will no longer use it.

For a long, long time I've wondered about lotion and all those ingredients on the back labels that I can't pronounce. Like I mentioned before, I'm not a crazy all-natural goo-roo, but in the back of my mind I've always thought it might be something I could avoid. Honestly I've never really liked lotion. I feel like it evaporates into my skin too fast and I need to reapply it over and over for results. I've wondered about the "smells" that we often consider luxurious, but at a chemical price. When Sitora was a baby I would use baby lotion to help me massage her body to calm her before bedtime... but I often cringed thinking of the chemicals in the lotion.

I can tell you now that I am completely sold out on essential oils in place of lotion! My skin has never felt this way before. I put some on after a shower or bath and feel soft and moisturized all day long. I usually get a slight case of exema on my shoulders and arms during the winter and just except it as my lot. But not anymore! The second I put the oils on my dry patches, they stop itching immediately and disappear within a few hours.

Here's how I make my own oil concoction!

I take a small 6 ounce bottle and fill it about 3/4th full of virgin olive oil (this is called a carrier oil, meaning it helps dilute the essential oil drops you will add in).

Then I add about 10 drops of a few different essential oils I picked up at my local health food store. You can research essential oils and determine which kinds you need for your specific ailments (like on this website here). Of course you need to keep in mind the oils need to be diluted and used with caution, especially in pregnancy or with children. Do your research :)

I have also decided that when our little man is born, instead of massaging him with baby lotion I will use coconut oil. I didn't stop massaging Sitora as a baby, she still gets them and loves them! Even I, as an adult, love a daily massage. Yes, SuperDan gives me a massage every day- he is the best! We also try to implement other methods of touch with Sitora by wresting with her and blow-drying her hair after a bath (Daddy does these mostly). Touch is so important and I think we underestimate it's healing abilities.

The following is a short list of ways coconut oil can help improve the health and overall well-being of your baby:

Coconut Oil Is Rich In Lauric Acid

Just like breast milk, coconut oil is a rich source of lauric acid. A study published in the 1998 issue of the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition concluded that lactating women who consumed coconut oil and other coconut products on a regular basis had significantly higher levels of lauric acid in their breast milk.

Pregnant women who wish to increase the levels of lauric acid in their breast milk should consume coconut oil and other coconut products, such as coconut water, on a daily basis. This will ensure that as their bodies begin to store fat in anticipation of lactation, this excess lauric acid stored withing their fat supply will be incorporated in their breast milk as they begin the process of lactation.

Studies have shown that if a pregnant woman’s diet does not contain sufficient levels of lauric acid than her breast milk will contain only around 3% lauric acid. But, when a pregnant or lactating woman adds foods rich in lauric acid to her diet the levels of lauric acid in her breast milk increase by as much as three times.

Coconut Oil Will Boost Your Baby’s Immune System

Lauric acid, a fatty acid present in human milk, has potent antimicrobial properties. Since a newborn baby’s immune system does not fully develop until he/she is six months old, his/her only protection against everyday viruses comes via the lauric acid present in the mother’s breast milk.

Since the 1950′s scientists and doctors have been studying the role of lauric acid in infant immunology. Therefore, this topic is one of the most studied and best understood aspects of pediatric medicine. So, it is not surprising to note that today lauric acid rich coconut oil is a main ingredient in most infant formulas.

Coconut Oil Will Improve Your Baby’s Digestion

Coconut oil is unique in the sense that it is primarily made up of medium chain triglycerides. These medium chain triglycerides or MCT’s are more easily metabolized by the human body, which is another reason why coconut oil is often used as an ingredient in infant formula.

The ease by which coconut oil is digested by the body can also help ease an array of stomach and digestive tract problems that often plague infants. This is because the antimicrobial properties of coconut oil combat many of the bacteria, fungi and parasites that often contribute to infant indigestion. Recent studies are also starting to suggest that consuming coconut oil, on a regular basis, can help improve the body’s ability to absorb other nutrients such as vitamins, minerals and amino acids.

Coconut Oil Will Soothe Cradle Cap And Other Skin Disorders

Infants, especially newborn infants, often suffer from a mild skin condition commonly referred to as Cradle Cap. Cradle Cap is characterized by flaking or scaling of the skin. Though the name implies that this skin condition only presents on the baby’s scalp, the reality is that this condition can affect the delicate skin on the baby’s head as well as the baby’s nose, ears, eyebrows and torso. Cradle Cap is mainly caused by overactive glands in the baby’s skin that lead to inflammation.

Coconut oil is a great moisturizer for all skin types, including very dry skin and highly sensitive skin, such as that of a newborn infant. Furthermore, because of the fact that coconut products closely resemble human plasma the chances of your baby experiencing an allergic reaction to the coconut oil are extremely low. Therefore, coconut oil is the perfect infant massage oil. This is especially true for babies suffering from Cradle Cap as the antimicrobial properties of this oil are highly effective at soothing this skin inflammation.

Coconut Oil Massages Will Help Your Baby Sleep Better

Including a 15-20 minute massage into your newborn baby’s daily routine has been shown to have tremendous physical and mental health benefits both for the mother and the child. Hospital data suggests that teaching new mothers infant massage techniques helps ease symptoms of postpartum depression mainly due to the fact that this improves the new mother’s confidence and helps her bond with the new infant.

Furthermore, an overwhelming number of studies have concluded that massaging newborn infants can help speed up their physical and mental development, strengthen their bones, as well as alleviate their stress and help them sleep better at night.

A University of Miami Medical Center Study found that infant massage is especially beneficial to babies born prematurely. During the course of this study, twenty premature babies were massaged for fifteen minutes, three times a day. The babies who underwent this massage therapy showed a 47% greater weight gain per day than their peers and had increased activity levels, alertness and neurological development. Best of all, their hospital stays averaged six days less than their peers.

My Grandma

2012-01-11T08:00:00.003-06:00

Grandma, you are just the best.

My earliest memories involve you. You have always been an extremely important part of my life. Going to the ice cream store down the street and playing card games at your house were a regular occurrence. You took "grandparenting" seriously, it wasn't just a season of your life, it was your life.

You always made me feel special. You came to all my important events and cheered me on with encouragement and sincere interest. You thought long and hard about giving presents and always made sure they were perfect for me. You made life fun. You laughed, goofed around, and got a little wild.

You were are more than a Grandma to me. You are a friend. I always know you will answer the phone and listen to my latest woes and triumphs.

When I found a genuine vintage apron at the thrift store with your name on it, I had to buy it. You always cooked us yummy meals and desserts, and I will reminisce about you while I wear it. You, after all, have the coolest Grandmother name out there!

I wish we lived closer. But I think there is truth to the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I am certain we are closer than most grandmas and granddaughters.

My life wouldn't be complete without you, Grandma. I love you.

The history of our grandparents is remembered not with rose petals but in the laughter and tears of their children and their children's children. It is into us that the lives of grandparents have gone. It is in us that their history becomes a future. ~Charles and Ann Morse

What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies. ~Rudolph Giuliani

jump!

2012-01-10T11:04:00.000-06:00

Who cares who's watching?

Be a little crazy.

Do a little dance.

Act like a kid.

Eat the sugary cereal for breakfast.

Make cookies.

Be more generous.

Smile more.

Look for the good and turn the bad around.

Make somebody's day better.

Kiss your loves a little more.

Life is what you make it. Take those lemons and for goodness sake make some lemonade!

I guess you could say this is my new year's resolution :)

Chocolate muffin

2012-01-08T17:58:00.002-06:00

If you need a good laugh, this should do it :)

Chocolate

2012-01-07T12:39:00.000-06:00

I decided we all needed a lil' chocolate this morn. Muffins? Yes. Chocolate muffins? Even better.

We even had deep discussions while licking the batter out of the bowl.

Sometimes in life you just gotta live it up. Lick the bowl. Get messy. Laugh.

I think today's gonna be a good day.

Wifely matters

2012-01-06T18:02:00.001-06:00

I posted a while back about this ladies study I am going to. We are reading and discussing the book The Excellent Wife.

It is seriously kicking my booty. I highly highly highly recommend it. I don't recommend every book I read.

I think the reason this book intrigues me so much is because it gives really specific examples, situations, thought patterns, and uses scripture to answer problems. It doesn't give wishy-washy answers that "sound good to the ears". It gives hard-core truth. I like that.

One thing the book really promotes is how wives play such an important role in the family. One of our jobs is to honor our husbands, lift them up, and allow them the opportunity to lead. One specific example really hit home for me. The author talked about how important it is for us to let our husbands make decisions (and obviously if he loves Father he will turn to you for advice and support in the decision making process). She said that if we give our opinion and our husband still thinks the family needs to go with his decision, we are to obey and honor him. This does not count if your husband is asking you to sin or is hurting you or someone else, mind you. The author explained that by letting our husbands make decisions, we are allowing Father to work in their hearts. If they make the wrong decision, maybe Father is going to teach them a lesson or character trait through the problems leading after the decision.

Something else the book touches on is how Father has placed us in our husbands' lives also to help point out areas in their lives that could be better. But it's very important for us to do it in love and with respect. She explained that marriage doesn't mean you become a doormat. But we can honor our husbands while at the same time bringing up issues you see in their lives that could be worked on. We are to use scripture and kind words, not nagging, rolling our eyes, yelling, or using rude words or name calling.

My husband does consult me on many matters of our family's business, but with many issues I give them the reigns with full trust. I think he turns to me for advice even more so because I trust him and honor his decisions always.

I'll give a simple recent example.

A few weeks ago we were traveling to visit friends and relatives in a different state. Whenever you travel as a family you can expect your normal routine (like meals and naps) to be a bit altered. One morning while I was getting ready in the bathroom Sitora came running to me and asked if she could have cereal for breakfast. Not knowing what everyone else was eating at the time and not knowing what all was in the kitchen for options, I just told her "yes" and said she could ask her Daddy to get it for her. Seconds later she came running back to me with tears in her eyes exclaiming, "Mommy, Daddy won't let me eat cereal! He said I have to eat a banana!" Right then I had a choice to make. Was I going to honor my husband or fight for my own opinion? I decided to honor him. I bent down on my knees to look my daughter in the eye and explained, "Well honey, if Daddy thinks a banana is a better choice for breakfast, then we should obey him. I'm sorry I confused you about the cereal. Maybe we can have it another time. Go back into the kitchen and eat a banana like Daddy says." She quickly agreed and happily ate her banana. I hope that in this instance I was also teaching my daughter what it means to honor authority.

I could go on and on about this topic, but there is just too much to say. Again, I remind you that submitting to our husbands does not apply when they are asking us to sin or are hurting us or someone else. In that case we take different measures. The book discusses that for anyone who is curious.

I hope I finish this study a changed women and a better mom and wife.

bad week

2012-01-05T17:16:00.000-06:00

Wow. This has probably been one of the top worst weeks of my life.

I know there are varying grades of "worst", but this one tops the list.

I haven't cried this much in one consecutive week ever.

Thankfully, the storm has passed and I cannot believe it's over. I am emotionally and physically exhausted and feel like a truck hit me.

I think I need a few days to recover. Excuse me while I eat some chocolate please.

Happy New Year!

2011-12-30T21:32:00.000-06:00

Mission Impossible

2011-12-29T09:30:00.000-06:00

We went on a double date with SuperDan's SuperParents to see Mission Impossible last night. It was such a good movie! (And I don't use that term lightly)

*Sigh*

The movie, like most action spy movies, takes place in a few different cities around the world. Of course it just happened to show two cities we've been to! Ah the excitement!

The first city shown was Budapest, Hungary. This city holds a special place in my heart mostly because it was such a horrendous experience! It's definitely permanently imprinted in my mind. Here's the story.

We were flying to Baku two and half years ago for our first visit. SuperDan, being the smart man that he is, decided we needed to find the cheapest route possible at all costs. And I do mean "all".

Sitora was almost 4 months old and it was her first plane ride. We drove 2 1/2 hours to Chicago, then flew across the ocean to Budapest. We had an overnight layover there and had arrangements to stay in a hostel. Not. Close. To. The. Airport.

We took a shuttle from the aiport to a different part of town where we scrambled to figure out the metro system. We had about 5 pieces of luggage plus Sitora in her car seat, mind you. These things are not meant to be transported by two adults on a metro. At least any sane person wouldn't attempt it.

We had to get off at about 3 different stops to change routes. (How my husband figured out the metro system on cue in a foreign country still never ceases to amaze me.) Mind you this means lugging our bags and Sitora in and out of subway cars and up huge flights of stairs. People were rushing passed us pushing and shoving. Finally we found our final destination and walked up and out of the metro. We looked around in amazement and were surrounded by huge ancient buildings, cobblestone streets, and busy people going this way and that speaking in a language we didn't understand. We used our handy map and asked a local if the street of our hostel was near. He pointed in the direction of a tiny alley and we gulped.

We proceeded to carry all our luggage and small child across the cobblestone streets searching for this unknown hostel. Have you ever tried pulling luggage along a cobblestone street? No? Oh that's right, only a crazy person would do that.

All of a sudden a Babushka (old Russian lady) came up to me and started lecturing me in Russian pointing her finger at Sitora. Her face was red with anger and I racked my brain for any possible reason for this nonsense. I decided she must have thought Sitora wasn't bundled up warm enough and kindly ignored her. She continued lecturing me as we walked off. What a warm greeting by a local. So kind.

Finally we found our hostel. I nearly passed out from exhaustion and slept soundly that night. We had to make the insane trek back to the airport the next morning bright and early, but it wasn't as bad that time after knowing the metro system better. Looking back we can laugh at ourselves, but at the time I was ready to strangle someone :)

The other city in the movie Mission Impossible was Dubai. This city is in the United Arab Emirates. Basically this city has "appeared out of nowhere" in the past 20 years due to oil and tourism. We visited there four times during our time living in Baku because of our visa problems. It became sort of a "home away from home" for us, since we visited Dubai more than we did America! We loved taking Sitora to children's playlands, sipping Starbucks coffee, and swimming at the beach. But the best part? Going up into the tallest building IN THE WORLD! They show this building in the movie when Tom Cruise is trying to climb up the side like a crazy rock climber. I felt the exact same heeby jeeby goosebumps as when we first looked out of the building when we went to the top! My hands went clammy and I felt tense all over while I grabbed SuperDan's arm for moral support. We were absolutely thrilled to watch a city we've been to. (And the fact that most Americans don't even know this city exists was pretty fun too...)

But while watching the movie, I started to feel an ache.

That traveling ache.

We've been on the move for 2 1/2 years like vagabond nomads. Always wondering how long we could stay in country, always wondering what the future held, always visiting a new place.

And now that we've been in America for 4 months, I'm starting to grieve our nomadic lifestyle. Isn't that crazy? It just became "the norm" for us... it was the only way we knew how to be a family... constantly on the go. And now that we've just "been here" for this long, I'm starting to feel panicked and claustrophobic. I'm sure a therapist could explain to me what I'm feeling in more elegant terms :)

But at the same time, I am at peace. I don't know where Father will lead us, I don't know what the future holds. I don't know when we will go or how or why. All I know is that He has a plan and it is good. The longer I wait for His answer, the more of my selfishness gets chipped away. The longer I wait, the deeper my love for Him grows. The longer I wait, the more open I am to anything He has planned. The longer I wait, the softer my heart grows toward Him. I feel like I'm being pounded like dough, over and over, until I am flat and completely usable for His purposes. Any of my preconceived ideas, my opinions, my wants, my hopes. They are all surrendered at His feet.

Wherever you send me Lord, I will go.

23 weeks

2011-12-28T23:21:00.000-06:00

Oh little Junior... how I wonder what you will be like.

Feisty, strong-willed, and animated like your big sister?

She loves you already. I have a feeling you two are going to be good friends.

I feel you kick all the time, but especially when we are in worship or prayer times. You must love worship music just like your big sister did when I was pregnant with her!

I can't wait to meet you so I can show you the world. Your Daddy wants to wrestle you and take you deer hunting. I want to snuggle you and build Lego towers together. Sitora wants to help take care of you all by herself. I appreciate her willingness but at this point all babysitting on her part will supervised ;)

You sure are getting big in there! I read that you weigh about a pound now. How tiny your little fingers must be.

Just a few more months and we'll see each other face to face. Will you look handsome like your Daddy? Will you be born with a full head of hair like your sister was? Oh the anticipation!

I fold and unfold your little clothes and dream about seeing you in them. I can't wait to wrap you up in your brown puppy blanket! I hope you will like snuggling up in the sling so I can walk around the house with you all day long.

I know those nights will seem long when you wake up at 3:00am to eat... but they are special moments that I will treasure forever.

We are waiting for you.

Perfect accessories

2011-12-27T18:37:00.001-06:00

My mother so graciously gifted me a Kohl's card for Christmas... so I bounced up and down begging SuperDan to take us on a family date to Milwaukee so we could go shopping today.

It was the best decision of my life!

Well... ehem... okay... that's exaggerating a bit, I know.

But seriously.

I found the perfect accessories for my vintage collection and nearly passed out when I first laid eyes on them. Could it really be? And they were on sale! Oh the joys.

My mother has this unique talent (which came from my Grandmother) of buying the perfect gifts for others. She just knows me. This owl ring and flower pin? They have my name written all over them. Mom, you are the bomb. Christmas was complete this year because of you. *sigh*

To top it all off, we ate at Subway and shared a peppermint mocha from McD's (tastes totally like Starbucks... for basically half the price) while the Señorita munched on chicken nuggets and fries. Delightful.

I think I fall in love with my husband more every day... especially after having a child. Watching him play with her just melts my heart... it is more romantic to me than roses or diamonds. The saying is true... love grows with time.

The only downside of the day? When I was waiting for my man to pick me up in front of Target and three gansta boyz tried hitting on me. Hello... do you SEE my pregnant belly?

Family dates are wonderful... when can we do it again?

CHRISTMAS!

2011-12-26T23:57:00.000-06:00

Gingerbread houses
Christmas carols
Sugar cookies
Opening presents
Christmas Eve service
Glistening white snow
Calling relatives
Staying up late
Finishing Advent

It's been a blessed Christmas indeed :)

Need a laugh?

2011-12-22T15:52:00.000-06:00

Need I say more?

Yes I did

2011-12-21T23:28:00.000-06:00

I wore my hat in gloves in public.

It was a bit scary, but way too much fun.

Why can't we dress like this anymore? Modest and fancy... love it. Let's start a trend.

Winter Moon

2011-12-21T12:30:00.002-06:00

I am in love with Mindy Gledhill's new Christmas CD Winter Moon. It's absolutely delightful. She is by far my favorite independent artist. For those of you living in Utah, I am exceedingly jealous. She lives there and her tours are frequently in Salt Lake City. Every time I visit Utah she isn't touring! One of these days I'll see a concert. One of these days...

That red dress? I'll take one please. Yes thank you.

Lightroom

2011-12-14T20:29:00.000-06:00

Oh dear. I am afraid I am never going to come out of my editing cave.

Lightroom has cast it's spell upon me and I am forever hypnotized.

I re-edited a whole CD of pictures for a client once we got the software installed on our laptop. I spent way too many hours on that project, but that's all part of the learning process when you do something for the first time! It's well worth the effort.

Now all I need is a vintage couch in a field for a "studio" and I'm set.

DIY Christmas cards

2011-12-14T10:19:00.000-06:00

I know Christmas is only 11 days away, but there is still time to make homemade Christmas cards for the ones you love!

I'm not talking about the mass cards you send out to hundreds of folks at the holidays. I'm talking about the people closest to you, the ones you will most likely see on Christmas day or wish you could be with.

Making cards can be quick and easy... and you can use your own special touch to make it that much more special.

Here are my homemade Christmas cards for this year. If you are interested in doing a project like this, here is how!

Items needed:

Stationary - cards and envelopes
Hemp
Ribbon
Stamps and stamp pad (Wal-Mart sells special holiday stamps!)
Special scrapbook glue
Super fine sharpies (or whatever pen you prefer)

Instructions:

Cut out ribbon to desired length and glue across the top of the front of card.
Cut out about a 6 inch piece of hemp, tie it into a bow, then glue it on the ribbon.
Use your stamps to create a merry greeting (I used my ultra fine sharpies to color in the little owl stamp).

On the inside (or on the back in my case) cut out a piece of paper smaller than your card and glue it on. Then write a holiday message! Get creative, don't just use a plain black pen/sharpie to write your message. Try green or red for fun!
When you're all finished, write your loved one's name and put a stamp on the front.

Don't just sign your name on a card, put some thought into your message and tell that person how special they are to you. Everyone needs encouragement and uplifting words in life :)

Have fun crafting!

Christmas is coming... I can hardly wait!

Boy or Girl? The answer revealed!

2011-12-12T20:30:00.000-06:00

We walked into our ultrasound appointment this morning with anticipation and excitement. I think it was even more sentimental bringing Sitora with us so she could see pictures of the baby too! My mother-in-law and Danny's 6 year old little sister came along as well which made it even better :)

As the technician took pictures of the baby's brain, heart, stomach, legs, nose, and chin, I felt myself overwhelmed with love, joy, peace, gratitude, and complete awe in the sovereignty of Father. Only He alone could orchestrate such a miracle. This baby is only half-way formed in the womb, and yet it is a living, breathing, active little person with a personality all it's own. My heart skipped a beat as we took our first look at baby's little face.

It took my breath away.

Welcome to the world little baby boy! We can't wait to meet you :)

Here's a cute video of our little man kicking me. He is in a hilarious position - he's sandwiched in half and seems to like it just fine!

And the winner of the contest? Not many of you guessed boy... but from those who did....

Julie - you are the winner! Check out my website here to pick out which picture you want for your personalized stationary and let me know what message you want printed inside! Also email me your home address so it can be shipped directly to you. You can facebook me or email me at javamammacasey at gmail

We are absolutely elated! A little boy. A little boy. I keep saying it in my head... It seems so surreal!

Guess the gender and win!

2011-12-11T20:41:00.000-06:00

Boy or girl?

Tomorrow we find out!

Comment below on your guess of the baby's gender. If you are correct, you will be entered into a random drawing to win a free set of personalized stationary from my website here!

I'll announce the winner sometime tomorrow :)

It's sweet to be three

2011-12-11T16:53:00.000-06:00

*Sigh*

I love my life.

Taking pictures of an adorable three year old is just up my alley. Mostly because I have my own little [almost] three year old at home, and I know how to "work it" :)

We sold our farmhouse last summer, but we kept half the land. Boy am I glad about that. I was able to shoot these photos on our land. I don't know how long we will keep it, but as long as we have it I'm gonna use it!

This little girl is special. Special indeed. Natalie, you are a princess. Your beauty shines from the inside out and your Creator King is so in love with you!

Vintage finds

2011-12-10T13:39:00.000-06:00

While living overseas I would just drool over blogs where girls shared how they found vintage items at consignment stores and the like. I wanted to thrift store shop so. badly.

Now that I'm here... in the land of thrift stores galore... I can shop my little vintage heart out! Well, mostly window shop :) Have you seen the prices of vintage items these days? Sheesh! They are old for goodness sake! I only go for the deals. But I still dream over the items I can't afford.

Here are my favorite finds so far.

1. Pride and Prejudice Novel by Jane Austen
2. Northanger Abbey Novel also by Jane Austen
3. Hat
4. Gloves

*The bird necklace really isn't vintage... it's from Claire's... but it has the look I am going for.

I used to be against the original Pride and Prejudice movie about nine years ago. I thought it ridiculous and absurd and refused to watch it. When the new movie came out with Keira Knightley a few years ago, I agreed to watch it. Mostly because it was the short version and Keira was in it.

I loved it. Plain and simple.

Two years ago I finally watched the original version with my sister-in-law. Loved it even more.

Two weeks ago I finally read the book. Totally obsessed now.

When I found this copy of Pride and Prejudice I fell in love immediately. Look at the pictures! They are gorgeous.

Ah, the moment we all love. When Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy express their profound love for one another after months of misunderstandings and confusion!

I will now venture into unknown territory and read another Jane Austen novel I have not heard of... Northanger Abbey. Supposedly she never got the chance to see it printed in her lifetime. What a pity! Jane started writing at a time when it was not seen as respectable nor proper for young women to be authors. She wrote anonymously. Now she is honored for her literary classics after her death. Doesn't that always seem to be the case? Important people become even more famous after they pass away.

My hat and gloves. How I love them so!

Yes. I will be wearing them in public soon. I'm just waiting for the opportune moment.

My first wedding!

2011-12-09T15:06:00.000-06:00

I am excited to announce that I have officially photographed my very first wedding! Eeek! Aaack! I am bursting at the seams with happiness! I've been waiting for this moment for a very. long. time.

I haven't tried photographing a wedding before this because I felt inadequate. But thankfully my sister-in-law and her fiancé trusted me enough to give it a shot on their special day. Thanks David and Livi- it was an honor and a joy :)

May your marriage bring you closer together as a couple, and ultimately bring you closer to Father.

"I love you, for putting your hand into my heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can't help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite so far enough to find."

-Roy Croft

Be inspired

2011-12-08T22:20:00.000-06:00

Ever since I started blogging a year and a half ago, I started reading other blogs for the first time. It's been one of the most inspirational things I've ever done for myself.

Once in a while I feel guilty for taking time away from household chores to read my favorite blogs... but to be honest, I feel like it makes me a better wife and mom after I read them.

I've chosen to follow blogs written by ladies who cherish motherhood and pour their hearts into making the home their priority. It truly inspires me and challenges me.

I don't want to be just a good wife and mom. I want to be the best wife and mom I can possibly be. I know at times I will fail. I will feel inadequate. I will become frustrated. But I will always be reaching for the highest goal... to serve my family with all my heart and soul.

Here are some blogs I follow... in case you need some inspiration yourself :)

Nienie

Lizzy

Elisa

Brianna

Rebekah

Noemi

Cari

DIY Paper Dolls

2011-12-05T12:45:00.001-06:00

Are you looking for a fun DIY (Do-It-Yourself) craft/gift for a special little girl in your life? Well I have just the ticket!

I found this paper doll craft idea from this website here. It really is quite simple. It just takes a lot of time. I found that I had to keep coming back to the project during the day because I couldn't finish it in one sitting. All-in-all, it took me 5 hours.

I know. I know. 5 hours sounds like eternity, right? Well it really isn't if you are breaking up the time throughout a day or week. I think crafting is quite therapeutic actually :) Plus, I think the rewards of doing something yourself outweigh spending tons of money on a present.

The reason I love these paper dolls is because they are vintage, adorable, and they inspire my daughter to use her imagination. I will bring them with us in the car, to Sunday services, or anywhere else she may need a tag-along toy to keep her occupied.

What you need

Paper doll fabric from Amazon here (for goodness sake... it's less than $7.00!)
Iron-on interfacing from any craft store
Iron-on fabric velcro
Scissors
Iron and ironing board
Bed sheet

Instructions

Iron on fabric onto the interfacing. Put the iron on steam setting and place a bed sheet over the fabric to protect it while you iron. (This bonds the interfacing to the fabric to make the paper dolls thicker and more durable.)
Cut out the paper dolls and accessories
Cut out little pieces of velcro for the dolls and the accessories
I~~ron on the velcro onto the paper dolls and the accessories (use the bed sheet for this as well)~~
After writing this post earlier today, the velcro has already started coming apart. So I am sewing them on.

I'm sure there are tons of other ways to attach your accessories to the dolls without velcro. I just thought this would be the quickest way for me to do it. I'm not a professional crafter, so my inspiration is slightly limited :)

I love seeing Sitora play with these dolls... and to be honest I love playing them with her! It's like I'm transported back in time to when I was a little girl myself :)

Oh. my. goodness. Who wouldn't adore this George Washington outfit and wig???

This school girl outfit makes me giddy.

Here is a picture of the velcro I placed on the back of the doll so we can attach her hats and clothes...

And here is a pic of the velcro attached to the clothes.

I finished the dolls after 1:00am last night, so I left this sign on the table for Sitora and SuperDan's little sister to find this morning. I told them before they went to bed that I would have the dolls ready for them when they woke up!

Advent is here!!!!

2011-12-03T21:27:00.000-06:00

I am so excited to celebrate Advent this Christmas season! The last holiday overseas was so different compared to this one. There we didn't have Christmas paraphernalia blasted at us from every corner. We had to make Christmas special for ourselves by decorating our homes and making Christmas traditions and memories together. Here in America, you can't miss it... it's everywhere. Holiday drinks at coffee shops, Christmas music playing on the radio, crafts and decorations spilling out of the isles at Wal-Mart, and of course the holiday shopping crowd!

Just like Thanksgiving was ultra special for me this year, Christmas will be the same.

I tear up at every Christmas song on the radio. I force myself not to order a holiday drink from every single coffee shop I pass. I want to buy a million manger scenes. I am dying to make Christmas cards. And of course, I am anticipating every day to celebrate Advent with my princess! It's so easy to focus on the presents and the lights and the cookies... but Advent helps me to center on Father every single night of December and go through the nativity story with her over and over. We talk about different aspects of that special night over 2,000 years ago... the angles, the shepherds, Mary and Joseph, the wise men, the star, and how everyone must have felt as these events were coming together.

As a pregnant mother, I am overwhelmed with emotion thinking of how Mary must have felt. She didn't know where they would stay when they reached Bethlehem, she didn't know how her birth was going to go, she didn't have a doctor or a nurse to aid her in the process. She didn't have an easy journey or a comfortable room to look forward to once they arrived. She didn't even have a clean crib to place the Newborn King.

He came down from His heavenly throne and was laid in a manger in our earthy home.

Thank you Father.

18 weeks

2011-11-29T14:18:00.000-06:00

Baby Gilboy, how we love you!

18 weeks have passed with you inside my belly.

I feel you kick and squirm, forming inside my womb.

May you feel the love of your Heavenly Father even now as you are being knitted together in the secret place.

May you be anointed with power and vision to serve your Creator King and love Him passionately!

We are waiting anxiously for your appearance into this world. Your mother and father love you so very much, and your big sister glows with excitement at the mention of YOU!

You are loved little one. You are loved.

Family and rest

2011-11-28T17:31:00.001-06:00

I've not been a very good blogger the past two weeks. This is mainly due to the fact that we don't have internet where we are staying at my parents' house... but also partly due to the fact that we are having way. too. much. fun. doing. anythingandeverything.

We've been doing so many fun things I don't even know where to start or what to say. My favorite activities have been:

1. Watching Sitora dance in the prayer room (we are staying by the International House of Prayer which has prayer and worship going 24/7 every single day).

2. Taking Sitora to the movie theater and letting her hold a ridiculously huge box of popcorn all by herself. I won't mention how disgustingly dirty the place was. Go figure. It only cost 2 dollars a ticket. I guess their profits don't cover cleaning up urine from the floor or sticky who-knows-what off the armrests. But 2 1/2 year olds don't notice that kind of stuff so it didn't hinder her enjoyment one bit!

3. Getting a $6.00 purse from the consignment store next to the dollar theater. I hung it on my arm and in the hustle and bustle of getting Sitora out of the store before she broke anything, I forgot to pay. I walked into the theater and glanced down at my unpaid-for purse and screamed. I raced back to the store and nearly collapsed on the counter explaining my forgetfulness to the cashiers. They laughed and thanked me in shock for returning to pay. Oh this pregnancy brain!

4. Having my husband return from deer hunting with the news of getting a buck! Oh venison meat, how I have missed thee. Thou shalt taste like sweet honey in my mouth-eth.

5. Watching my parents enjoy their grandaughter and giving this mommy some serious "time-outs" to be off the clock. Hmmm... maybe I won't leave. This babysitting gig really works to my advantage...

6. Feeling the baby kick up a storm inside my tummy! I'm only 18 weeks along but this kid can move! Seriously. If this is any sort of inclination to his/her future temperament then I am in for some serious sanity loss.

I now leave you with a darling picture of Sitora and her Uncle Chase playing on the ipad on Thanksgiving. He put her to bed. Isn't it adorable?

That time of year

2011-11-13T22:55:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year again.

Deer season.

My man is way excited.

It's crazy to think that in old times husbands actually had to kill animals for their families' livelihoods. Nowadays it's a bit of sport and necessity mixed together. The guys butcher the deer themselves and we eat the venison meat all throughout the year. It really does taste amazing, if I may add.

Since being overseas for two years my husband missed out on this opportunity. That's why this year is truly special. I think it's awesome that he gets to bond with his Dad and brothers and also get some good quality alone time with Father out in the wilderness.

But I will miss him.

It's weird though, how much more we appreciate life after living in a hard place. So many people complain about trivial things here, or think their lives are so hard. We're just thankful to see green grass and go through a Walmart isle. I don't know when this honeymoon stage of thankfulness will wear off... and to be honest I hope it never does.

I am more thankful this year than ever before. Not necessarily that we moved back to America, but just thankful for the blessings we have in this country. I think everyone from Western countries should travel to a poor country at least once in their lives. One time is all it takes to open your eyes to the horrors of poverty. All it takes is one time to open your eyes to the everyday blessings we take for granted in this country.

I am so overwhelmed with emotions lately. Maybe it's a mix of pregnancy hormones and culture shock, I'm not sure. But either way, this Thanksgiving season means more to me than it ever has before.

I challenge you to do something for someone else this Thanksgiving season. Something hard and out of your comfort zone. Something that matters to someone else. Something sacrificial. For when we look outside ourselves, we realize that it's not about us, it's about Him.

I miss you

2011-11-12T13:46:00.000-06:00

Grandpa, I miss you.

I wish you were here so I could tell you all the funny things Sitora has been saying lately. I would give her the phone so she could count to 20 for you.

I want to hear about the weather and what you think of the latest news. I want to tell you about our job options. I want to laugh about the latest Packer game with you and talk about the plays that I actually understood.

I want to make plans to see you for the next holiday. I want to tell you Happy Thanksgiving and remind you how thankful I am for a Grandpa like you. I want to bake you cookies and send them to you for Christmas just like I always used to (and you know I wouldn't use chocolate chips, because I know you don't like chocolate).

I want to hear your voice and talk to you for real. It's so difficult looking at your pictures knowing I can't speak to you anymore. I don't understand why you had to go...

I miss you.

Vintage Thanksgiving

2011-11-11T16:52:00.000-06:00

Ok, I couldn't help myself. The kid crafts from yesterday were just "missing something". I racked my brain and figured it out.

They needed some vin-tage.

Thanks to good ol' google, I found the most adorable vintage Thanksgiving pictures to print out! I copied them on to a Publisher document (or you could use Word) so that I could put multiple copies on one page. After printing I cut them out so the girls could glue them onto their Thanksgiving cards.

I. love. them. Makes me want to be a Pilgrim, or at least put a bonnet on or something! Here they are... feel free to copy them for yourself!

Thanksgiving craft and cookies

2011-11-10T15:46:00.000-06:00

When you have two little spunky girls and snow outside, sometimes you need some fun inside ideas to keep them occupied... (especially if they've already played their hearts out in the snow for the day).

I decided to buy some cheap craft items at Wal-Mart so they could make Thanksgiving cards for their family and friends. It was a huge hit! They giggled and laughed while they created their masterpieces. I told them it would be a great idea to place the cards next to their relatives' plates on Thanksgiving day. I know lots of creative mommas who make their own elegant placecards for Thanksgiving Day, but why not let the kiddos take a shot at it and save yourself some time? :)

What you need:

Cardstock or scrapbooking paper cut into smaller card sizes
Stickers
Decorative ribbons
Glue stick
Crayons or colored pencils

Instructions:

Cut out about 4 inch strips of the ribbons beforehand so the kids can easily glue them on themselves
Have the kids write the name of the relative/friend who will receive the card
Then tell them to glue on the ribbon, place the stickers, and write any other special Thanksgiving messages they can think of!

Easy Pumpkin Cookies Recipe

Spice cake mix
One can pumpkin puree
One bag chocolate chips
(Yes, you don't need eggs or butter!)
Mix ingredients together
Bake cookies at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Don't overbake.

And today I randomly selected the Wisconsin winner of a free photoshoot. It was Sarah W!!! Congrats Sarah :) Write me at javamammacasey at gmail or facebook me about when and where you want to do the photos. Here is Sarah's comment entry about her favorite Thanksgiving memory...

What a great idea Casey!! Some of my favorite Thanksgivings were spent at my Aunt's house. All of my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins were there - there were 11 kids and 8 adults. We spent the time eating and playing together. My Aunts house was huge and full of secret hiding spots - a kids hide-n-seek dream:) The memories seem so vivid to me because of the feelings they cause me to feel all over again. Feeling that my family was together and happy caused a feeling of safey and security that I hope to pass onto my own family.
Thanks!!
Sara W.

Snow!

2011-11-09T12:36:00.001-06:00

We had our first real snow of the year today! ~~Albeit it was just a tiny bit... but that didn't mean much to my 2 1/2 year old! To her, snow is snow.~~ A few hours after writing this post the snow started up again! Woo hoo!

We all jumped up and down acting giddy and crazy.

Reminds me of childhood.

I want to see the world through my daughter's eyes. Childlike faith and joy, we could all use more of it.

A is for Apple

2011-11-08T18:15:00.000-06:00

Since moving in with our in-laws, Sitora has had the privilege of watching Danny's mother homeschool her 7 year old daughter Sophia. Yes, Sitora's aunt is only 4 1/2 years older than her :)

She already knew how to count to 10 before we arrived here, but after watching Sophia doing school she can now count from 10 to 20! I didn't even have to teach it to her. She's known her alphabet for almost a year now, and she's finally starting to learn to recognize the letters.

I've known for a while that my daughter is smart... but then again... doesn't every mother think that? And I think it's wonderful- every child needs their mother to be their biggest fan! So I started seeing if she could memorize Bible verses. So far she's memorized four of them! It is so much fun having her recite her verses. But more than fun, it's helpful in our discipline. When she needs to share or obey, I can remind her of her verses and how they apply in that situation.

I went to Walmart the other week looking for some Pre-school books she could start working through. I finally have started to feel slightly normal again (still nauseous but no more throwing up). So I decided we'd jump into some school together! Today was our first official day of "school". Of course it's simple things but I love seeing Sitora grasp concepts about recognizing and writing her letters. Every time we finish a page I give her a high five and write in pen "Good job!" with a star on top. It feels like we are playing a game of teacher and student, I love it!

I didn't feel like grabbing my good camera so I just used a point-and-shoot on the counter for this shot. But isn't she adorable? She is so happy with herself! I think we are going to have a lot of fun together this year :)

The little things

2011-11-08T00:14:00.000-06:00

Have you ever felt small? Not necessarily in the physical, vertically-challenged sort of way (all though I could totally identify with you there). But in the insignificant or unimportant sort of way? I think we all have at some point in our lives.

It can be difficult to feel worth something in a world that idolizes popularity and fame. If we're not on top of the world we can feel left out or forgotten.

I myself have felt this way at times. It comes and goes according to my circumstances. Some days I'm on the mountaintop, and boy does it feel good. But when those valleys come, boy does it feel bad.

After moving back from overseas, left with no job and no certain direction for the future, I have felt insignificant. I have grieved my place and purpose in Baku. I have had to run to Father to find my identity in Him alone once again. It's a lesson I keep learning over and over again. He is relentless for my heart and will stop at nothing to have all of me. My dreams are shattered and He offers His hand for me to hold. The question is, will I turn to Him for my everything or run after broken cisterns that never satisfy? A job will never satisfy the deepest longings in my heart. Despite the fact that I feel most alive when I am overseas serving in a poor country... I still need to find my worth in Father and not in what I am doing. And if He brings me back to America with more lessons in store for me to learn, then I will humbly obey.

The questions arise... "Who am I? What is my purpose now? Where will we go next?" haunt me constantly. I can't deny their existence. I may not have control over my destiny, but I do have control over my actions and response to my circumstances. Will I run to His throne for my daily bread instead of feeding off the satisfaction of work? Will I rest in His arms instead of twiddling my thumbs searching for my next move?

And then the simple question every mom asks herself arises... "Is being just a mom enough?"

Whenever I look into the eyes of my little princess, I am reminded that it is. I don't have to have a glorious job "on the side" to complete myself. I know in due time Father will bring us to the place He has for us. In the meantime, I need to hand Him the reigns and let Him drive.

I opened my devotional book today and was struck by how timely the words were for me. Father has a way of doing that, doesn't He? May the words I read touch your heart the same way they touched mine...

His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!"- Matthew 25:23

In our own lives, the small days will make us faithful in small things so we can be trusted later with big things. This is also the place where we learn to find our satisfaction not in the prophecy or promise but in Father. He must be the sole source of our identiy. Each of us starts in Bethlehem, finding our identity in Father and becoming faithful in small things. It would be much nicer, from a carnal perspective, to skip Bethlehem and go right to Zion. But the journey to our highest destiny starts with little responsibilities. It may mean being neglected, pushed aside, and ignored. But this significant season lays the foundation for success later on. it's an essential, inescapable part of the journey from which nobody is exempt, not even Father's Son. Both David and Father's Son had their small beginnings in Bethlehem, yet both were destined to rule with Father's authority. If the eternal King started in Bethlehem, so will anyone who follows Him.

Family goodness

2011-11-06T14:02:00.000-06:00

I love my in-laws. They are absolutely positively wonderful :)

My husband's sister and her family were in town and I just begged them to let me take their pictures.

Aren't you glad they said yes?

By the way, don't forget about my last post here... you can enter to win a free photoshoot with me simply by commenting below about your favorite Thanksgiving memory! Hurry, all entries must be in by this Wednesday, November 9th.

Win a photoshoot!

2011-11-06T00:25:00.001-05:00

It's that time again friends.. the time where I give you a chance to win a free photoshoot! I've been dying to have this contest since moving back to the states. Unfortunately this will only be open to my Wisconsin friends. I may have a contest for my Minnesota and Nebraska friends at a later date when I can travel to you... so stay tuned!

The rules of this contest are easy peasy. Simply comment below with your favorite Thanksgiving memory. I thought I'd start the month off to a thankful start :) Make sure you enter by this Wednesday, November 9th! I will randomly select one of the comments to win!

To kick start, I'll share my favorite Thanksgiving memory...

My parents always opened up our home to anyone in need of "family" for Thanksgiving. They wanted everyone to know they had a special place to come if they were lonely. But one particular Thanksgiving stands out in my heart among the rest. One year my mom signed us up serve dinner at our local homeless shelter. We spent Thanksgiving day serving others instead of staying comfy inside our home together. Thank you Mom for instilling compassion in my heart and for being an example of selfless love.

Now it's your turn :) You could end up like this family who won a free shoot with me a few months ago!

Preggo style

2011-11-05T00:12:00.000-05:00

Just because I'm preggo doesn't mean I have to look fat.

I am bound and determined to still look cute even though the pounds keep comin'.

Layers. Lots of layers. This is my secret. And if it's not working, don't tell me. I'll just pretend it is :)

I'm ecstatic to have another Gilboy baby swimming around in my stomach... I'm starting to feel the flutters and it thrills me to no end :)

By the way, Sitora is convinced the baby is a girl. I'm hoping we can find out soon... until then the mystery continues...

She's a ham

2011-11-04T23:00:00.000-05:00

... and I like it that way :)

65th Anniversary

2011-11-03T23:32:00.000-05:00

My husband's grandparents celebrated their 65th anniversary this past weekend. The gang was already going to be in Missouri for my sister-in-law's wedding, so we decided to celebrate their anniversary the next day together as well! It was such a hoot capturing photos of Danny's grandparents, his mom and three sisters...

...just see for yourselves :)

Grandpa is such a good sport. He has a wife and four daughters... and the love and laughter they share is contagious. Seeing this makes me excited see our daughter grow up and watch the relationship that blossoms between her and her father. Daughters have a way of wrapping their fathers around their finger, don't they?

I am very blessed to be married into this family- we always have a blast together and everyone tries to stay connected in between reunions!

Happy anniversary Grandpa and Grandma! Thank you for the example you have shown us in love and perseverance in marriage. We love you :)

Hair baby hair!

2011-10-24T18:13:00.000-05:00

I've been looking forward to this week for a very, very long time. Simply because I get to do what seems like a million little girls' hair for my sister-in-law's wedding! (We have lots of children in our family. We joke that we plan on taking over the world...)

I asked some of my dear friends to pose as hair models for me this past weekend- it was way too much fun! I needed to practice before the wedding, plus I wanted to have pictures available for all the little girls to look through and decide which hairstyle they want. A big shout-out to Melly and Maddy for letting me mess with their hair for hours on end. You girls are the best :)

Would you like to see some of my fav's?

Hair baby hair! Love it :)

Corn Maze

2011-10-23T15:47:00.000-05:00

I am such a goofball. As if one day at the apple orchard wasn't enough for the week, I decided to take my baby girl again the next day! There was just too much to do and so little time in one day alone :)

I've been dreaming of taking Sitora to the corn maze every fall since she was born. I always thought to myself, "One of these days we have to plan our trip back to America in the fall so she can experience all that Autumn has to offer!" Well we got our wish. Only it's not just a trip home this time. It's for good.

Next on my list? Carve pumpkins with the little princess and make some pumpkin pie. This season is just too good to be true :)

Officially American

2011-10-21T14:02:00.001-05:00

Well, it's official. Sitora has been to her very first Apple Orchard! Although she didn't pick any apples, she did eat a caramel apple with sprinkles on top :) She also fed some goats, climbed on haystacks, picked a pumpkin, and ate a apple muffin. I guess it's safe to say she's officially an American now!

We visited the orchard with my friend who is also a photographer (check out her website here!) Her son is so adorable I can hardly stand it! I was lucky enough to get her to capture a shot of us before the day was over. It's not very often I get to be in the pictures! I will be taking her family photos next week and I am beyond excited because it's my first official photoshoot in America. There are so many beautiful places to take pictures in Wisconsin... I am always inspired and constantly screening areas for potential photoshoots.

I am a stay at home mom who loves seeing my child learn and thrive. Nothing makes a mamma's heart beat like her child laughing with delight. It's like I'm experiencing the world all over again, except this time through my daughter's eyes. Being a parent is one of the most wonderful things imaginable. Thank you Lord for this honor, to raise Your daughter and teach her Your ways. Give me grace to live each day to the fullest as a wife and mother!

The leaves

2011-10-20T13:34:00.000-05:00

Fall is here. It is definitely here.

Oh how I have missed this season. The past two years we lived in a city that was very much a desert. We didn't get the chance to see the leaves change brilliant colors of orange and red. My daughter has no previous experience jumping in leaves. She's never been to an apple orchard or carved a pumpkin. It brings tears to my eyes when we watch her experience something for the first time in America...

... like the leaves.

Pregnancy stuff

2011-10-18T12:15:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty certain that if you are a guy then you won't be interested in reading this post :)

So when I was pregnant with Sitora I read about one million and a half books on everything pregnancy related. I studied my little heart out so that I would be prepared at every prenatal appointment. With a list of questions ready, I would basically interview my doctor to make sure I felt secure with her knowledge and flexibility in working with my birth plan. She passed the test with flying colors. Not only did she welcome my questions and commend me on my research, but she reassured me that my natural birth plan would be followed. She was right- the hospital staff treated me like a princess the day of the birth and followed all of my wishes perfectly. I love my doctor, I love our hospital. I am so blessed to be back at the same place for my second pregnancy!

All of this to say, in my past research I remember studying the Group B streptococcus infection. I never had it when I was pregnant with Sitora, thankfully. But we received a call yesterday that my urine test from last week's appointment came back positive for Group B strep. The office called in an antibiotic to our local pharmacy for me and we picked it up right away. I was grateful that I already knew what this was. I've been reading more about it today and I am thinking it could be related to my bladder/kidney infection I had this past summer in Azerbaijan. Whatever the case, I'm just thankful that the lab discovered it right away!

I am usually a healthy person and hardly ever go to the doctor... so it feels strange that this is my second round of antibiotics this pregnancy. But I know its necessary. I've felt extremely exhausted and wiped out since I started the antibiotics yesterday- I take three a day for seven days. I told SuperDan this morning, I am sick of being sick. I feel like a bump on a log that doesn't help anyone. I just want to feel better!

Yesterday I was taking one of my pills and it caused me to gag. I rushed to the sink (couldn't make it to the bathroom) and threw up. I hate throwing up. It is the yuckiest feeling ever. But at the same time, I'm thankful that my baby is healthy. If throwing up is a good sign, then I will be grateful for it.

When my children are teenagers, if they are ever disrespectful or rude to me I will calmly state, "Dear children, do you have any idea how much your mother suffered to bring you into this world?" And then I will go on to explain in great detail, just to gross them out! :)

"A moment in my tummy... a lifetime in my heart."

Goodbye and hello

2011-10-13T22:29:00.000-05:00

This past week has been an utter whirlwind.

Last Monday I received the call that my grandfather had passed away. My heart shattered into a million pieces.

Last Saturday I looked into my grandfather's handsome face for the last time and told him goodbye with tears streaming down. I hugged him in his casket and wished he was alive to hug me back.

Today I heard the heartbeat of our little baby for the first time, and looked over at my husband in utter happiness. I can't believe we are having our second child!

It's been a a week full of emotions, that is for sure. Saying goodbye to one of my closest friends, and saying hello to a little person inside me who already holds my heart.

A life ends, a new one starts. We never know how much time we have left on this earth. May we live each day as if it is our last.

Note: This is not a picture of our baby. I just wanted to find a picture online resembling the size of our baby at 12 weeks.

Microwave Society

2011-10-01T19:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I've really been thinking a lot about my last post. I have many things on my mind that relate to marriage.

When I was working as an administrative assistant before my husband and I were married, I felt like I was the only unwed virgin working at the office. If anyone asked about my purity ring (thinking it was an engagement ring) I would explain how it was a symbol of my purity for my wedding day. Almost everyone I told was totally shocked and said how awesome that was. I remember one girl saying to me, "I wish I would have waited." I didn't judge these people at all- I just felt pity! They didn't realize what a treasure and a gift purity is.

Our society is a microwave society. We are taught to have what we want when we want it. It doesn't just involve sex. It involves all kinds of things. We are told to use our credit cards to buy things we don't have the money for. We are told to buy houses and cars that are above our financial means. We try to keep up with the Jones's and end up being pulled away in the current. Why do you think our country is dealing with extreme debt these days? Everyone is buying what they can't afford, not just the government.

But back to my original thought. In this day and age we are taught to have sex when we want where we want and with whom we want. The idea of "waiting" is completely forgotten. Have you ever had to wait for something you really wanted? Think of Christmas morning as a child. Weren't we all bubbling over with anticipation wondering what special treasures lay wrapped up under the tree? How much more did we value those special Christmas presents because we had to wait? Or how about if you ever had to save up for a toy or clothes as a child or teenager? I think we all take better care of our possessions if we had to save up and earn them. If we had to work hard and wait for that item to become our own, it had more meaning. When someone just hands us something, we are less likely to take better care of it. Why? Because we did nothing to earn it.

Single girl, if your boyfriend is asking you to sleep with him to prove your love for him, is he saying that you are worth waiting for? Is he treating you like the present wrapped under the Christmas tree, waiting to open you for a special appointed day?

And then the question poses itself... if this generation doesn't consider their partners worth waiting for, what's to say they will consider them worth fighting for?

You see, the going gets tough and a relationship isn't always perfume and roses. At some point in a relationship one or both of the partners have a decision to make. They need to decide if the relationship is worth fighting for.

Like my previous point, if we didn't work hard and wait for something special to become our own, we are less likely to value it later on. If this generation isn't waiting and saving their purity for marriage, they may be less likely to stick it out and fight it through when things start crumbling.

I'm not just making this up. Statistics show the divorce rate is climbing. Even among believers. We need a wake up call. It's our job not only to show an example of persevering in marriage, but it is also our job to teach the next generation about it. We need to be vocal with our young people. Don't be afraid to talk to your teenagers about sex and marriage. Chances are they've already heard about it in school or from their friends or on facebook. Better for them to hear it from you then an untrustworthy source. Don't be afraid to talk about it to our young people- they need to hear it from those who use the Scriptures as their source of truth. Cosmo magazine isn't going to teach your teenage girls to value purity- I can guarantee you that.

I've already started teaching Sitora simple truths about modesty by not buying baby or toddler bikinis for her. I want her to learn about dressing modestly from a young age. I have also starting reading books to her that teach purity values a toddler can understand. When she grows older and she starts understanding more and the questions start forming in her head, I want to be there to give her Scriptural advice and stories from my life. I will be honest with my mistakes and truthful with my experiences.

You may be thinking, "Who am I to give advice to young people today about purity- I blew it when I was young?" If you have regrets, don't be afraid to use that as your testimony in teaching them about purity. Explain that you regret something from your past, but Father has shown you the right way to live and you have found forgiveness and a new start!

I have always been very vocal about my purity choices, starting from when I a teenager who had never been kissed. I was made fun of by many people and looked into shocked faces many a time. But it was all worth it to me when the day finally came that the man I would marry also gave me his first kiss. How wonderful that we both waited for that very moment to give each other a special gift we had never given anyone else! I want my children to know this is attainable. It isn't easy. It's hard. It's very very hard. But the best things in life are worth the work and wait.

Young person, you are worth waiting for, and you are certainly worth fighting for. Don't settle for anything but Father's best in your life!

The Excellent Wife

2011-09-30T14:52:00.002-05:00

I have no clue how long we will be living in Wisconsin, but I know for a fact that as long as I'm here, it's crucial that I get involved with other believers. No man is an island. We need the fellowship and encouragement and sharpening of other believers in our lives, no matter how old or wise we may be. We attend services on Sundays, but I also want something deeper to challenge my faith.

I was invited to join a ladies study on the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.

We had our first meeting last night at an adorable new coffee shop by our old house! If that coffee shop would have existed two years ago when we still lived here, I would have been a regular customer for sure! Let me tell you, I know this book is gonna kick me in the booty. But that's a good thing, right? :) Let me give you a few excerpts from the first chapter to get you hooked as well...

"As a beautiful flower in the light of the morning sun reflects the glory of Father's creation, an excellent wife reflects Father's glory by her attitudes and actions."

"Father's will for every believing wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband (Genesis 2:18). After a wife's own personal relationship with the Lord, nothing else should have greater priority. Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife's time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day."

"Father has called every believing wife to His excellence! Any flower can bloom when it is tended by Father's hand. A wife's responsibility is to learn to put her confidence in the faithfulness of Father and His Word- to do what He says. She can become what He wants her to become if she does what He wants her to do. There is no other way!"

Wow, doesn't that excite you? When us women chatted after reading the first chapter, I felt inspired and determined to take a closer look at my marriage and make sure my husband is a priority I am taking seriously. Anything good takes work. A good marriage doesn't just happen, and it doesn't just stay good. It's like a garden that requires continual weeding and careful attention. I am deeply in love with my SuperDan and I want to do what it takes to keep our marriage alive and healthy. If we pour into our marriage, then our parenting will thrive, our ministry will thrive, and our generally well-being will thrive.

I am deeply saddened by the rate of divorce in this country. I am still very young and already many people in my age group have divorced. When I was growing up, I hardly knew anyone who was divorced. Times are changing. It's time now more than ever to stand up for marriage and teach our children what commitment and forgiveness and perseverance can do for a lifetime of love. It's not easy. Definitely not easy. But it's worth it. So very worth it!

Planning a Bridal Shower

2011-09-27T13:38:00.003-05:00

I had a blast planning my sister-in-law's bridal shower which was held on Sunday! If you would have asked me three years ago if I would be willing to host an event like that, and I would have laughed with a hearty, "No way!" I just never thought I had what it takes.

Then two years ago I moved to a little country across the world. In a place where everyone is far away from mothers and sisters, it's up to us friends to plan the parties for each other. All of us had to step up to the plate and make things happen for each other. We became each other's family. I never, ever, ever thought in my wildest dreams that I would be able to put together a baby shower or birthday party for someone else. But after a few attempts, I realized that it wasn't all that difficult. The key? Make the guest of honor feel special. When the focus is, "How can I bless my friend?" instead of, "How can I impress everyone?" it makes everything so much easier. Because really that's what it's about- blessing the ones we love and making them feel important.

I discovered that there are really only a few main steps involved in making a party great.

1. Ambiance- If it's a bridal/baby shower or birthday party for an adult, use candles and soft decorations to make the mood relaxing and lovely. Play music in the background according to your guests (for example, for the bridal shower I played upbeat and romantic music). If it's a youth hangout or a child's birthday party, use fun and bright colors for decorating like crepe paper and tissue paper balls to hang from the ceiling. Play music that teenagers or little kids would like.

For the bridal shower I wanted a fall theme because my sister-in-law's wedding is in October. I used pine cones, acorns, fake leaves, candles, brown ribbons, and fall colored table cloths.

I also made a fun banner to hang on the wall that said, "Congrats Annah". I cut out big triangles from scrapbook paper, then cut out circles of plain color and glued them on the triangles. Then I wrote the individual letters on the circles. I hole-punched each triangle and strung them together with hemp.

2. Games- Pick games that honor your guests. I use trivia question games for birthday parties and showers. That way the game is all about the guest of honor, and everyone gets a shot proving how well they know them. I also like games that involve a bit of surprise and creativity. It's fun to think outside the box and do a little research- don't always play the same games everyone else plays at parties.

3. Prizes- Make sure there are a variety of prizes for the winners to pick from. That way it almost feels like they are going "shopping" :) Pick prizes according to who your guests will be. Make sure your guest of honor also gets a shot at winning a prize!

4. Food- This is the part that used to scare me away from planning parties. I'm not really a gourmet cook, and I usually try to get by with easy recipes most of the time. But I realized that parties don't necessarily require gourmet food, they just require a fun variety! Thankfully my mother-in-law took the reigns in the food department for the bridal shower. We planned a meal consisting of a cheese and cracker tray, fruit salad, vegetables and dip, a snickers caramel apple salad, and pumpkin spice cream cheese muffins. We also had apple cider and coffee to drink. It's good to have a nice mix of salty, sugary, and healthy foods. Too much of one kind can be boring.

5. Make your guest of honor feel special- Remember, the event is not about you, the hostess. It's about blessing the guest of honor and making sure they felt special the whole time.

Interested in some of the recipes from the party? Here they are!

Pumpkin Spice Muffins with Cream Cheese Frosting

Muffin Ingredients:

1 (18.25) package yellow cake mix
1 (15 ounce) can pumpkin puree
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

Frosting Ingredients:

1 stick butter softened
8 ounces cream cheese
2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

Preheat over to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 12 cup muffin pan or line with paper liners.
In a large bowl, mix together the cake mix, pumpkin puree, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves until smooth. Spoon equal amounts of batter into the prepared muffin cups.
Bake for 20-25 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Frosting directions:

With electric mixer, beat together butter and cream cheese until very smooth.
Add the powdered sugar one cup at a time and slowly mix in
Add vanilla extract and mix
Spread over cooled muffins

I added fall style sprinkles on top of the frosting for a nice touch. I also used special muffin cups with cute toothpick inserts of pumpkins and leaves. I found the muffin cups and toothpick inserts in the fall decoration section at Wal-Mart.

Snickers Caramel Apple Salad Recipe

Ingredients:

6 Snickers candy bars, chill and chop
6 apples cored and chopped into bite sized pieces
1 (12 ounce) container Cool Whip
1 (5 ounce) box instant vanilla pudding (do not prepare- use dry mix)
Garnish for extra flair- 1/2 cup caramel ice cream topping and 1/2 cup chopped peanuts

Directions:

Mix Cool Whip and dry pudding mix together
Chop apples and chill Snickers
Mix together
Heat caramel sauce a bit in the microwave
Drizzle caramel sauce on top and sprinkle peanuts on top
Chill for an hour then serve

Have you heard?

2011-09-17T12:15:00.000-05:00

Have you heard?

We're having a baby!! May 1st is the due date :)

I am thrilled beyond belief, and sicker than a dog.

Music, loud TV, and noise really irritate me. The louder the noise, the more nauseous I become. I like silence. I love to stare outside and watch the leaves rustle in the trees. Nature is my entertainment. It's very therapeutic actually.

Most the time I'm just trying to get through the next hour. Not even the day, the hour. My constant thought? Don't throw up. Don't throw up.

I wake up every night around 4am feeling sick, wandering around the house searching for a cure. Sometimes I just lay on the couch eating fruit, other times I sip on Ginger Ale (which, by the way, seriously helps).

I look at all the wonderful American foods I've missed like crazy and wish I could gobble them up, to no avail. I watched SuperDan munch on pizza topped with parmesan cheese the other day. My mouth watered and my stomach churned. It's a weird concept, I know.

Hopefully someday soon I can eat my favorite foods again. Hopefully someday soon I can feel like myself again. Hopefully someday soon I will be excited to wake up in the morning. Until then, I'm just keepin' on keepin' on.

P.S. I got this awesome haircut one week before my nausea kicked in. Sadly I have zero energy or desire to style my hair now. Thankfully at least it looks halfway decent even if I do absolutely nothing with it. You know something's wrong with me if I don't want to do my hair. Seriously wrong.

Thoughts

2011-09-09T16:23:00.000-05:00

I'm home but I don't feel home.

I'm excited for the future yet mourning the past.

I'm anticipating new friendships but missing the old.

I see the twinkle in my daughter's eye as she enjoys new things, but am reminded of things of old that gave her happiness as well.

I'm loving adventure and change but am lacking routine and stability.

I'm relaxing without much responsibility but missing what I used to be in charge of.

I feel like a stranger at times, but that's okay. This is a new season and time for change, and I can handle that. But that doesn't mean that it isn't hard.

I'm more than convinced that Father's Son experienced the same feelings I am feeling now. He left his heavenly throne for our earthly home, gave up riches for rags. He made big changes all for the sake of the ones He loved. Who has ever heard of sending a King to be born in a stable with animals? His love for us is relentless.

Thank you Father, that I am able to identify in your sufferings. For in them I find You.

I think it's time to cry.

American August

2011-08-30T08:23:00.001-05:00

Need I say more?

Where did we go?

2011-08-27T12:43:00.000-05:00

Our first night back in the States Sitora woke up screaming her head off. She had been asleep for a few hours when suddenly she bolted awake. I turned on the lights to console her after many failed attempts. She rubbed her eyes, looked around the room in confusion, then asked, "Mommy, where did we go?"

Poor thing. How can she keep our lives straight?

Below is a picture of some of our packed bags just days before we left Baku. All of our possessions fit into 16 bags. I was astonished at how few things we had when I was packing. I thought it would take me much longer to pack then it really did. I had a mini panic attack when looking around the room and said to myself, "This is all we own? We gave away all our stuff! I can't believe this is all we have now!!!!" After a few minutes I settled myself down and reassured myself that we would easily be able to replace many of the things we sold or gave away. After all, it's just stuff.

Our lives have changed, and it's time for me to come to grips with it. I'm still in shock that we are here... not just to visit... but to live. Some moments I feel grief and sadness, other moments I experience excitement and relief. I go up and down with my emotions. I'm so thankful I serve a wonderful Father who has plans so good for me that I cannot even comprehend it. I know He is in control.

I read a really good devotional today in my book "Loving Father" by Mike Bickle. Let me give you a taste of what hit me...

"When we enter into Father's joy and gladness, the door to much of Satan's activity slams shut in our lives. The joy of serving Father keeps us from compromise. A glad heart is a strong heart."

Father, I love you. I am full of joy whenever I think about you. I happily and whole-heartedly serve you with my life. May this glad heart keep me strong and keep me from compromise in any way. May my heart be pure before your eyes.

These faces

2011-08-20T14:45:00.000-05:00

These are the faces I will treasure always. My last official photoshoot in this country was absolutely thrilling! I set up my first ever day of mini sessions, meaning I had families scheduled throughout the afternoon to come meet me at a particular place for photos. It was way more fun then I ever could have imagined.

I love love loooove taking photos of people I know. And if I don't happen know you very well, then schedule a photoshoot with me so we can get acquainted!

Children touch my heart in such a special way. How could one not believe in our Creator after looking into these eyes? Every life is a miracle.

Goodbye baby house

2011-08-19T03:34:00.001-05:00

Today was my last chance to say goodbye to the baby house. It was a sweet time and I was incredibly thankful for the opportunity to snuggle these precious angels one last time. I spent some time explaining to the workers why we have to leave the country and how very sad we are. One worker sat down with my friend and I and offered us tea and candy while we chatted. It was very kind of them and I take that gesture as a sign of our camaraderie. I've always wanted them to know we consider ourselves part of their team and only desire to be a blessing and help to them. Then a bit later I asked permission to take some photos since I will be leaving forever. I didn't want to get my hopes up knowing that usually it is not allowed.

They. said. YES!

My heart was pounding while I raced to get my camera out. I could hardly believe it. I would finally be able to capture the faces of these darling babies and remember them in my heart forever. Now you can finally look into the eyes that have stolen my heart. May you be touched forever by these images.

Free stuff is so much fun

2011-08-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

Back in April it was so incredibly fun to have a contest on my blog for someone to win a free photoshoot. I was more than pleased when I randomly selected this family as the winner.

Some people are so wonderful and inspiring, that you can hardly think of anything to give them in return to show them how much you appreciate their passion and service. This family is one of those kind. I was thrilled beyond belief to be able to provide them with a free photo session :)

The day scheduled for the shoot was crazy windy- which is typical for here. But this particular day was like a Mary Poppins kind of day, where you feel like your whole body will suddenly airlift into the clouds at a moment's notice. This family had such a good attitude and was determined to brave the windy day. We had a blast, and it all ended with smoothies and lattes at the end of the day. What more could you want?

Come back on Monday

2011-08-13T10:42:00.002-05:00

Getting medical care overseas is never easy and it's always a scary adventure you can laugh about later. As we spoke with the workers at a medical clinic today asking for some data results, we were told, "That particular doctor is not in today. Come back Monday." My thought? Monday- I could be dead by Monday!

I have a UTI and a mild kidney infection.

Ouch.

My favorite part? Laying down in the backseat of our car writhing in pain as we bump up and down along the horrible back roads by our home. That drive to the medical clinic seemed an eternity.

At one point I was in such excruciating pain, I felt like my brain was a blank book. How much more pain could I handle before I just blacked out?

I looked up into the sky with tears streaming down my face and sobs shaking my body, and quietly asked Father to take away the pain, if only for a moment. I wasn't angry or scared to be in the situation, I just felt so hopeless in my pain. About 30 minutes later the pain subsided enough for me to fall asleep in the back seat for a few minutes. The pain did eventually come back, but I felt that it was a window of hope signaling me that healing would come.

Thank you Father for your grace in times of need. Thank you to my husband for immediately taking action in my care. Thank you to our friends who watched our daughter for us during this time. And a huge thank you goes to the western doctor working here who gave us very thorough advice over the phone throughout the ordeal.

I am resting at home, on antibiotics, taking it easy and feeling guilty/stressed about not being able to pack. But my husband insisted that I do absolutely no work today. He's so smart.

Healing is coming.

It's just stuff

2011-08-11T06:44:00.000-05:00

We had a garage sale yesterday. It was my first EVER personal garage sale, like, with all my stuff. I got to set the prices and it was awesome. Because I set them low. People would glow when they heard the prices and walked off happy. I hate bartering. I really do. Let's just get down to business and be realistic here folks. I'm not going to charge more than 50 cents for nail polish- sheesh! It's used for crying out loud.

I was a little emotional watching our things walk away in others' hands. Why do we get so attached to stuff anyway? It can be such a bondage if we're not careful.

Dear stuff,

Thank you for being so useful while we had you. You were great. But it's time to move on and let someone else use you. I hope you can bless my friends as much as you have blessed me. Unfortunately, I have to break some bad news to you. You really have no eternal value. This life is but a whisper, and when I get to heaven I can't bring you with me. So I'm letting go knowing that you aren't all that matters in life. I will find more books, dishes, bed comforters, shoes, toys for my child, and decorative coffee pictures. Life goes on. I do not find my identity in how many material possessions I own. My identity is found in the one who created us all. So long and farewell!

Sincerely,
Me

Time to say goodbye

2011-08-06T03:51:00.001-05:00

Life has been on fast-forward the past few weeks and I've hardly had any time to settle my thoughts. It's crazy how one event or one decision can change everything.

Two months ago I was in America buying and stocking up on items to bring back to Baku with me. One minute I'm planning my life as normal, the next minute everything turns upside-down. And now here I am, selling those very items I just bought.

Why?

We are moving.

Long story short, we have to leave the country. We are no longer able to live and work here. It was not something we were prepared for. We thought we knew what these next years of life held for us. We were focused on our work here and were excited for what was planned. And all it took was one decision for our lives to be drastically altered.

Not only do we have to leave, but we have to leave in two weeks.

Packing up your life in two weeks, does that sound easy? Not so much.

How do you spend good quality time with your friends and find complete closure in such a short period of time? How do you process everything, pray through everything, think through everything? How do you calm yourself down when you feel overwhelmed and stressed with all that lies ahead? How do you make yourself take a break for a moment when you realize all that needs to be done? How do you spend quality time with your child when you should be packing and cleaning 24/7? How do you explain to your 2 1/2 year old that life is going to change drastically? It's tough. It's really tough. Ask me in about one month how to do it all and I'll have the answer. As for right now, I'm just trying to live through it.

I didn't really think I was attached to "things". We try to live simply and hold loosely to our possessions. But small as it may be, the amount of stuff we have is still dear to my heart. As I sort through Sitora's clothes and toys and my household items... my heart starts to break as I face the fact that I will part with these things forever. We simply cannot take back all our possessions across the ocean. It's not practical financially. But the most important reason we are giving/selling most of our possessions? Because our friends here cannot find good quality American items anywhere else, unless people like us moving away leave it for them.

So I'm saying goodbye to Sitora's train set with the little people and cars she's played with since day one in Baku. I'm saying goodbye to the books I read to her every single night. I'm saying goodbye to her little keyboard her Nana brought from America. I'm saying goodbye to sweet pink little baby girl clothes and shoes. I'm saying goodbye to the gorgeous bedding set I've loved so dearly. I'm saying goodbye to Christmas ornaments and Thanksgiving candles. I'm saying goodbye to incredibly life-changing books I've dragged across the world. I'm saying goodbye to all these earthly possessions that essentially have zero eternal value. I'm saying goodbye to the wonderful, adventurous life we have lived here, and saying hello to an unknown future ahead of us.

We thought this was "it" for us. We thought this was "the place" we were ending up for a good long while. I feel like Abraham, or Moses, or Joseph- being moved around from place to place not sure where Father has in mind. But one thing I do know for sure, I know the One who holds my future in His hands. And that, my friends, is the safest place to be.

Here we come America. Let's see what you have in store for us this time :)

A boy comes home

2011-08-01T14:28:00.000-05:00

Remember the disabilities orphanage I've visited a few times? Well we have some exciting news about one of the boys living there!

About a year ago I wrote this post. I talked about how our youth group raised over $1,000 for two deaf teenagers to receive hearing aides! It was amazing to see how hard our youth worked preparing for a bake sale and worship concert to raise the funds. My favorite part about the whole thing is how the teenagers were also given therapy by orphanage volunteers to help them "learn" about hearing and speaking.

We received news a few months ago that one of the teenagers was finally about to go home with his mother! Sometimes parents who leave their children at orphanages eventually have a reason to take them back. In this case, him getting hearing aides and therapy was a HUGE part of why he was able to come home!

Is this not one of the most amazing praise reports ever? I mean, this young boy is now able to live at home with his family. I cannot imagine how he must feel.

We can make a difference in this world. Even if we can only help one person, it means the world to them. And that is reason enough to try.

Thank you Father! If your eye is on the sparrow, then how much more is your eye on every one of your children here on earth?

Hebrews 12

2011-07-29T13:21:00.000-05:00

I had to read this scripture a couple days in a row to let it really sink in. It's powerful. Really powerful.

Hebrews 12:1-13 (The Message Bible)

Discipline in a Long-Distance Race

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Father's Son, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with Father—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside Father. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Father's Son went through—all that bloodshed! So don't feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that Father regards you as his children?

My dear child, don't shrug off Father's discipline,
but don't be crushed by it either.
It's the child he loves that he disciplines;
the child he embraces, he also corrects.

Father is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible Father? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace Father's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But Father is doing what is best for us, training us to live Father's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with Father.

So don't sit around on your hands! No more dragging your feet! Clear the path for long-distance runners so no one will trip and fall, so no one will step in a hole and sprain an ankle. Help each other out. And run for it!

You might be a photographer when...

2011-07-27T14:00:00.000-05:00

1. You change your camera bag into a purse on vacation.
2. Your partner knows what you're talking about when you advise, "Up the shutter speed a bit, could ya? And lighten the exposure too while you're at it."
3. Your children (or friends) expect a picture of them at least a few times daily.
4. You walk into a room or a park and immediately a photo session is formed in your head.
5. You notice the lighting everywhere you go, whether or not you have your camera with you.
6. You save space in your bag for extra batteries over makeup.
7. Your famous last words are, "Just one more picture, I promise that's it!"

Beach

2011-07-27T10:29:00.000-05:00

Before London, we were in Dubai. For the 4th time. It's the cheapest place to go when we have visa problems.

It was 110 degrees. The desert isn't very forgiving during summer months. How to beat the heat? Chill at the beach, of course :)

I'm not gonna lie, taking pictures of my sweetheart on the beach makes my heart skip a beat. These pictures will definitely be framed in the near future.

There's something calming about water... when you look off into the distance and the waves slowly melt into the sunset. Somehow you know everything is going to be okay.

When in London, wear your sparkly shoes

2011-07-25T12:24:00.000-05:00

We're in London.

I'm in love.

With my husband, and this city :)

We're here for a Hillsong conference. Join in worship with the Hillsong worship team? Yes please! Dance around like crazy madmen praising our Father? I think so! The encouragement we've received is beyond my comprehension. The speakers' messages totally ripped open our hearts and confirmed so much it was unreal. We are blown away.

But we're also drinking in the beauty of the country. The culture, the green grass, the yummy coffee. I keep dreaming that I'm the princess living in these gorgeous fortresses. I also keep dreaming that I'm going to accidentally bump into Prince William and Catherine Middleton. I'm just slightly obsessed with this whole royal wedding stuff. I watched it on TV in Baku, and now here we are, visiting the church where they were married! It's so romantic :)

And you better believe I'm wearing my sparkly shoes. Life's too short for comfortable shoes- we're in london for pete's sake!

Can I move here? Pretty please?

Waiting

2011-07-12T01:09:00.000-05:00

Sometimes in life you come to a crossroads.

Waiting, watching, listening for an answer. These things are not easy. Who likes to wait? No one.

Father gives us direction in His perfect timing. (Usually we don't feel like it's perfect.) Sometimes it's only a few steps at a time. We don't always know what's at the end of the tunnel, but He's leading us, and that should be enough to keep us going.

Father, I will follow You.

Seriously amazing books- get them.

2011-07-10T12:34:00.000-05:00

I don't usually "tell" people what books to read. I figure Father will lead you to the right books at the right time. But I really can't pass up recommending these books!

This first book, Anonymous: Jesus' Hidden Years ... and Yours, is for an older audience. I am in a book club with other women studying this book together and it's challenging me, inspiring me, and kicking me in the booty. Here's a little excerpt to get you interested:

"In hidden years, Father is our consistent audience. Others come and go, but only He always sees. Father alone realizes our full potential and comprehends the longings in our souls. When no one else is interested in (let alone impressed by) our capabilities and dreams, Father is still wholeheartedly with fatherly pride shouting His love over us."

This book is great for moms. It talks about how these years of child raising are not wasted time. Rather they are just as much the "main course" as any other season of our life that might seem more "important". Who are we to judge what seasons of our lives are more important than others? Father's Son spent 30 years of His life hidden away, seeking the Father and growing in wisdom and love, and only spent 3 years in the public eye. Good stuff my friends, good stuff.

The next book I picked up at Barnes and Noble while I was in the homeland. I could spend hours upon hours in that store, seriously. I was in heaven looking through all the kids books for Sitora. I finally decided on this one: The Berenstain Bears Discover God's Creation (Berenstain Bears/Living Lights). Here is the summary from the back cover:

Mama Bear pulls the plug on the TV, and the Bear cubs are upset! What are they going to do now? All it takes is a peek outside for Brother and Sister to see that Father has given them a beautiful world that is far more fun that the TV screen.

This next book- The Princess and the Kiss: A Story of God's Gift of Purity, was given to me by a dear friend while I was visiting home. My eyes well up with tears when I read it to Sitora. What a precious story about purity! I pray Sitora learns at a young age the importance of purity and this book is an asset for me as I'm seeking ways to teach her about it. Here's the summary:

A loving king and queen present their daughter with a gift from Father- her first kiss- to keep or give away. The wise girl waits for the man who is worthy of her precious gift. Where is he and how will she ever find him? The surprising answer in this marvelous parable will touch the heart of a parent and child alike.

The last book I am recommending is a toddler Bible- My First Read-Aloud Bible. I have many Bibles for kids but this by far is my favorite. I also bought this at Barnes and Noble while I was home. I love this Bible because it tells lots of different stories most other children's Bible's don't have. (For example: Elisha and the widow, Gideon, Jeremiah, Nehemiah, Father's Son coming back to see the disciples after raising from the dead, and Father's Spirit coming down on the early believers.)

I hope you buy one of these books (or borrow from someone else) and enjoy them as much as we have!

I must be crazy, right? Part 2

2011-07-07T16:52:00.001-05:00

Almost exactly one year ago I wrote this post about my travels alone overseas with Sitora. I stayed in America a few weeks longer than SuperDan so I could spend more time with my family. I flew back to Baku alone with her, for the first time in her short little life. You'd think I'd wise up a bit after a traumatic event like that and never try it again.

Nope. I didn't learn my lesson and I did it again. Back and forth to be exact.

I. am. nuts. crazy. insane. completely and totally insane.

But my family is worth is. (Everybody say "Awwww! How precious!")

The story? Here it is.

My grandfather has been sick for a while now. My heart has been aching over not seeing him. I made the hard decision to fly alone with Sitora last minute so we could go visit. I hardly told a soul I was coming back because I wanted this to be a family-only type of trip. Plus, emotionally I couldn't handle seeing tons of people. I just couldn't. And I know myself and how much I can handle, and I was totally right on with this decision. I barely hung on for this trip. By the end I was desperate to fly home to my husband and some normality in life. So for those of you whom I didn't get to see, I am so terribly sorry. Please do not be angry with me. Considering my circumstances I hope you can understand. Besides, we'll be back again this fall, so I can make up for lost time then :)

On our way to America the flights were pretty dreamy. In order to get a cheaper flight we needed to have two layovers- one was an overnight stay in a hotel. At first I was worried about stopping in the middle of the trip, but quickly realized it was a blessing in disguise! We were rested and ready for another day of travel across the big Atlantic Ocean the following day.

We were overjoyed to be in America again with the ones we love! Sitora adored playing in grass and snuggling our family members' dogs. We read books at Barnes and Nobles, climbed on playgrounds, devoured delicious American cuisine, and relished time spent with our loves. All in all it was a much-needed vacation for the both of us.

A few days into our trip Sitora started waking up in the middle of the night. I could not console her despite my most compassionate attempts (Do you want some of that string cheese you love from Wisconsin? Do you want to watch cartoons? How about some juice?) After a while I brilliantly decided to just ask her what was wrong. Her response? "I just want to go home, mommy."

You see, "my" home is not necessarily "her" home. "Her" home involves loud crazy traffic, foreign languages being spoken, fresh fruit and veggies from the market, crowded bus and metro rides, strangers pinching her cheeks and offering candy, and the familiar faces she's grown to love and know. The majority of her life has been spent on this side of the globe. This vacation was all too foreign to her, and honestly I could tell she was a bit confused.

Considering all the people she needed to become reacquainted with, she did a great job of re-learning everyone's faces and personalities. She was extremely flexible and friendly. She had her moments, don't get me wrong, but I think she handled a lot for her age. She even decided she'd sing her ABC's and count to 10 in Azeri on command most times I requested it.

But by the time our last few days in America arrived, she was spent. And so was I.

We left for the airport at noon. We boarded the plane at 4:30pm. We flew for 8 hours until we arrived at our first layover destination. We both hardly slept a wink on that flight. It felt like midnight to us, but was really 6:00am local time there. We had a four hour layover, which wasn't so bad because I found a kids play center and ordered a yummy caramel latte. But don't forget the fact that it was midnight to 4am for us during that stretch of time. (Just stay awake, just stay awake. Must not close eyes...)

We started boarding our next flight when I realized our tickets placed us in different rows. I kindly asked the stewardess at the check-in desk if she could arrange for us to be together. (Obviously. My child is two years old. What in the world where they thinking?) Her response? "You'll just have to ask someone to switch seats with you when you board the plane."

Ok peoples. I am a very nice person. Very very very nice. But for the first time in my life, I almost exploded at somebody. The reason I didn't? Probably because I had glazed over eyes and absolutely zero energy left in my system to utter a few words, let alone start a fight. I simply complied and continued boarding.

All of a sudden she came after me and exclaimed, "Why are you bringing that car seat on the plane? Children over two years old are not allowed to sit in a car seat. This flight is completely booked and there is absolutely no room for it." I explained to the stewardess over and over how my daughter had been sitting in a car seat for all of my gazillion flights and there had never been a problem before. She wouldn't budge. I simply had nothing left to give, so again, I complied and handed it over. I muttered to myself, "You're kicking yourself in the foot lady. This carseat keeps my kid under control. You want her screaming her overly exhausted head off the entire flight? Ok then. You asked for it." I then started scheming my "I will never fly with your airline again" angry customer letter email in my half-evaporated brain.

She came back again only seconds later with new tickets. "I thought about it and decided I should change the seats for you. Now you are sitting together."

My thoughts? "Well then. Some customer service after all! I guess I won't write that angry letter. I'm still upset, but I forgive you. I'm a really nice customer, I hope you know that. We paid you big money for these flights. Most people would have been outrageously furious by this point. You are lucky I am who I am lady- count your blessings."

It now feels like 5:00am to us. We are dead. Sooooo dead.

I don't remember much about that flight. It's all a blur. The only things I recall are Sitora and I zonked out in totally random positions in our seats. I also vaguely remember being served orange juice and a cheeseburger. I don't know how we got off that flight- I don't remember walking off. I think an angel was holding my eyelids open. That overnight layover in a hotel from before? Ya, that started sounding pretty good right about then.

Thankfully there was another children's play area at the next airport. We had a three hour layover there and I was beyond dead. The three hours I slept on the plane before were barely enough to keep me alive by this point. There was no way I could sleep during a layover because I had to watch Sitora and our carry-on luggage. (Yes, I was carrying the complete maximum amount of carry-on luggage possible. That's how I roll. And why do I have shoulder pain?)

Thankfully our gate for our next flight was nearby the play center, so we didn't have far to walk. We boarded the plane and the stewards (they were men) let me carry-on the car seat. I was thrilled. Oh drat- how was I supposed to carry my 50 million pounds of carry-on bags plus Sitora in her carseat (on wheels by the way... it's this totally amazing contraption) down three flights of stairs? Come-on people. Stairs are not the way to go for boarding a plane. for anybody. period! Thankfully some charitable soul adopted me as his good deed for the day and carried Sitora all the way down for me.

I don't remember much of the next flight either. It involved much sleeping and serious ear pressure pain near the end. I think my rear end and thighs had also fallen asleep by this point. Way too much of sitting in a weird position. Ouch.

When the plane touched ground in Baku, everyone started cheering. Sitora and I started cheering as well. Mostly with the thoughts of, "Oh yay! The insanity is ending!" We exited the plane, managed down another horrid flight of stairs, hopped on a bus and drove to the customs station where everyone was extremely helpful. Waaaay more helpful than anyone in America was to me in the airports. I'm just stating the facts. It's a great part of living here and I will treasure it always.

When we arrived at customs an Azeri man insisted I go to the front of the line. I was embarrassed and declined his offer. Over and over and over. Finally he started taking my things and basically forced me to the front of the line. I looked up apologetically at everyone, only to find compassion and kindness in their eyes. They too wanted me to cut in front of line because they had pity on me. I was touched. Deeply. This just does not happen in the States.

Immediately an Azeri worker helped me get my luggage on a cart and wheeled us out. We found my wonderful husband right away and he gave the courteous man a generous tip, along with many thank you's and kind words from me.

It was the longest day of my life. I never want to do it again. But because I don't learn lessons very well I'll probably end up doing the same thing again next year.

Tune in next year to the third edition of "I must be crazy, right?" Until then, I'm sure I'll have some more stories to keep you on your toes!

Vintage swimsuits

2011-06-24T15:54:00.000-05:00

Vintage swimsuits are totally rad. Check out my relatives below sporting them in this old photo.

So I bought one for myself, after much deliberation. I found the perfect suit in Dubai, of all places actually. But for those of you who probably won't be skipping over to Dubai anytime soon, you can find vintage suits online.

I don't want to take a picture of myself in a swimsuit and post it online for the world to see, so I just found a similar one online to show you. I love my new swimsuit- and I've gotten a lot of compliments on it. I adore it because it has a cute little built in skirt that covers the front, but it's not quite like a real swim skirt. Plus it covers the "backside" completely, if you know what I mean. There's something about the style that flatters my shape- and I really appreciate that because I do not have a model body at all, I have a mom body. If you are pear-shaped like me, this type of vintage swimsuit is perfect. I love love love it.

Let's burn all the bikinis in the world and put modest swimsuits in stock instead. Maybe we could start taking into consideration the purity of men and at least attempt to help them not struggle with lust. You know some guys out there really don't want to think wrong thoughts about you girls? Some men who are fathers and husbands want to keep their minds pure. Let's help them out, shall we?

Time to brag on the grandparents

2011-06-23T23:07:00.000-05:00

Ok Grandma. You were totally a bombshell knockout! No WONDER Grandpa fell head over heels for you! Just look at this beauty :)

Um, love that lipstick. Love the car. Love how modest vintage clothes were. Love it love it LOVE IT!

And Grandpa. Boy oh boy, you were handsome! No wonder Grandma wrote letters with you back and forth for so long while you were in the army. Who wouldn't want to wait for this dreamboat to come home and sweep them off their feet?

Ladies swoon over guys in uniform :) Not to mention that suit as well... nicely done Grandpa!

What a legacy. I hope we can all take the time to look back at our family history and appreciate who has come before us. I am thankful for Grandparents who worked hard, loved deeply, and shared generously. I pray I too can leave a legacy of love and dedication when my life comes to an end someday.

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown

A grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart. ~Author Unknown

What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies. ~Rudolph Giuliani

Oh to be young again

2011-06-20T10:02:00.000-05:00

Running free, without a care in the world.

Oh to be young again.

Where life's most critical issues revolve around ABC's, nap time, and what's for dinner.

When every morning brings an element of surprise and anticipation for what lies in store.

When every day brings carefree exuberance, unashamed laughter, and whole-hearted abandonment.

Oh to be young again.

To my best friend and father of our child

2011-06-18T23:37:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's day honey!

I never dreamed our lives together would be this wonderful and amazing.

Every morning I wake up thinking, "It's not over yet!" I love sharing our lives together. I love that we are parents together. I love seeing you play with Sitora, making forts and looking for "animals" in the dark with flashlights. I love seeing you read books to her, teaching her colors and numbers. I love seeing you kiss her and tell her she is beautiful.

You are an amazing father, and I am privileged to be on this journey we call life together. I love you.

Another dreamy photoshoot

2011-06-09T14:04:00.001-05:00

Is this really my life? I get to photograph my friends and their beautiful families for my side job. I wouldn't even call it a side job... I prefer "hobby with benefits" :)

I'm only uploading one picture. Mostly because the internet where we are staying is very slow. But also because I think this picture is my favorite from the photoshoot. Why?

It tells a story.

What can you see from this picture? Well obviously, kids will be kids. The girls are doin' their own thang chillin' out and being themselves. Completely oblivious to my presence and totally immersed in their own toddler lives. I actually prefer pictures of toddlers looking away from the camera because it captures their true unedited personalities.What else can you see? Daddy loves mommy. He adores her in fact. And mommy? Can't you see her glow? She's loved- you can tell.

And this my friends, is how a family should be. A picture of Father's love for all of us. He loves us unconditionally, through thick and thin, when we're smiling for the camera or not. He sees our hurts and pains along with our joys and victories, and yet His love never fails, never changes, never ends.

I hope this marks just the beginning of my photography career. I have no clue where it will take me. Maybe it will continue just like this- taking simple photos of my friends, describing our lives in this city across the ocean. But, even if nothing changes, I will still be just as passionate about my clients as I am now. I love people. I love taking pictures. Let's marry those two loves, shall we?

Graduation

2011-06-07T07:09:00.000-05:00

To all of you who are graduating this season. Congrats!

You are entering a new season of life. Be thankful for what you have earned, learned, and journeyed through. Now is the time to wait expectantly for all that Father lays before you.

May Father's Son always be your focus as you venture into this new horizon. As soon as you take your eyes off Him and seek your own gain, you will fall. All of us make mistakes - it's inevitable. The good news? A righteous mans falls down seven times but gets back on his feet again (Proverbs 24:17). No matter what happens in your life, turn your eyes back towards your Creator.

With Father's Son as your focus, it's impossible to miss your destiny. After all, it's His plans for your life that are the best. His ways may not be our ways, but thank goodness for that! He does know best.

P.S. I had a blast doing my first graduation photoshoot! This group was way too much fun to work with :)

Corrie Ten Boom

2011-06-06T06:34:00.000-05:00

Have you read the book "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom? If not, you should.

I've been wanting to read this book for years. But Father knew that this was the time in my life I should read it. Of all the years of my life, this has been one of the hardest. And that is the reason reading this book now was in perfect timing.

SuperDan is on an audio book kick. He's been buying/downloading books, sermons, and all kinds of things for us to listen to. He figures he will read more this way- since he isn't the type to sit down and read a book. He went on a long five hour journey this past weekend to the countryside, and listening to these audio tracks was the perfect solution for what could have been a boring ride.

He downloaded "The Hiding Place" a few months ago, but I never paid much attention to it. All of a sudden about four days ago, I had a prompting from Father to start listening. It was quite simply really. Just turn it on while washing dishes, exercising, and cleaning, and let my heart melt with compassion, humility, and tenderness as Corrie's life touched my aching soul.

If I have ever complained about my life, I did so honestly feeling that life had been unfair and unkind to me. But after reading this book, I am dumbfounded in my selfishness. My life is a gift. Every single minute of it. Who am I to punch my fist in the air and shout accusations of frustration to the Father who holds the stars in His hands? He alone knows my destiny, and I will trust Him in any circumstance.

Reading about Corrie and her dear sister Betsy in the work camps of Germany ripped my heart to shreds. Here they were, suffering unimaginably, and yet they chose to thank Father in all circumstances. They were grateful to Father that their barracks had fleas, so that they were able to share the Scriptures with their fellow inmates without the guards coming in. The guards were afraid of the flea infestation, so they never entered the room to discover the secret meeting taking place daily. Oh how I long for the heart of Corrie and Betsy! I am not sure if I would have been as strong and loving as they. Oh how I long for compassion and forgiveness.

My heart is tender, yet once again, and I am thankful to my Father for everything in my life now, be it good or bad. Give thanks in all circumstances. The Bible says, "all" not "some". And this I will do.

I love this girl

2011-06-03T15:07:00.000-05:00

Yes. My daughter put a harmonica in a baby doll stroller and pushed it around the house. She is unique- but that's why I like her :)

I love watching my daughter grow up. It's fascinating. I feel like I'm living in my own Discovery Channel documentary on child development. Kids say and do the funniest things, ya know? It's amazing how quickly Sitora picks up on vocabulary and then uses it almost immediately. Today I was putting her to bed and for no apparent reason she exclaimed, "I can't believe it!" I laughed out loud and tried to remember if I said that phrase recently.

Our children are watching us. In fact, someone is always watching us, no matter who we are. We had better be walking the talk or else our lives will be hypocritical. I realize this everyday and beg Father to give me grace, to help me to be the woman He wants me to be.

The other day I found myself upset with Sitora and feeling guilty about the way I handled the situation. I got down on my knees, looked her in the eyes, and asked her to forgive mommy for making a mistake. She immediately said yes and gave me the squishiest, warmest, most heartfelt hug in the universe. **And yes I realize that grammar was incorrect. I did that on purpose :) ** Oh how much I can learn from my own daughter. Am I that quick to forgive others?

I'm pretty sure most moms get excited when their child starts learning the alphabet, communicating better, and learning words and phrases. But the reason I am excited for Sitora's vocabulary development is because I am so anxious to talk about everything with her. I love discussing her bible together, answering her millions of questions like, "Why is that man sad, mommy?" and "What color is that?" I love explaining to her while I'm cooking and baking so she understands how food is made. I love using a globe to teach her about geography so that she can pray for all the countries of the world (tonight it was Saudi Arabia!) I don't necessarily care about intellect for intellect's sake. No. It's so much deeper than that.

I want her to learn about the world as it relates to our awesome Father in Heaven - because it was in fact He who created it all! I want all her head knowledge to turn into heart knowledge. I want her to learn about the world and have it cause her to fall in love with her Creator even more. I want to talk to her about being a girl, about growing up, about her thoughts and dreams, about her questions and fears. I want her to know that I am here for her, always.

We're like two peas-in-a-pod, she and I. Being a mom is way harder and more rewarding than I ever imagined it would be.

And you know one of the reasons I love my daughter so much? Because she's so much like her daddy.

She really is.