The delicate art of leading worship

The room is dark, quiet, a bit cold. I sit on the floor taking deep breaths and sipping on water to clear my throat. Twenty minutes til service starts. I open my Bible and continue reading. I stop, close my eyes, and listen. I wait.

I remember walking out of the junior high building after school with my backpack hanging on one arm. Laughing and chatting with my friends, one asked what I was doing that evening. My shoulders slumped as I remembered. Piano lessons. It didn't sound "cool" telling my fourteen-year-old classmate that my evening consisted of an instrument I'd been playing since age seven, but I somehow mumbled the truth while turning to say goodbye.

"Mom, I'm quitting piano lessons," I announced as I arrived home. Finally, I could start enjoying the freedom that every junior high student deserves. Why should my evenings be spent slaving over classical music that just didn't resonate with my maturing soul?

"Then I'm selling the piano," she answered.

I was stunned. Sell the piano? But why? I could still play songs I liked and tinker around when I felt like it. Just because I was quitting lessons didn't mean we had to throw the baby out with the bathwater!

"Please, no. I still want to play it," I remarked.

"Well, then why don't you ask the worship leader at youth group to teach you songs you might enjoy more instead?"

My mother was a genius.

The rest is history.

Suddenly, music came alive to me once again. My new piano teacher quickly became my musical mentor and changed the course of my life forever. She knows who she is. I love her more than she could ever know.

Not only did I start learning chords and song composition to build upon my foundation of reading music and music theory, but I began the process of figuring out how to play songs by ear and improvise. I learned how to sing along while I played. How to really feel the music.

I started as a backup singer for my youth group worship team at age fourteen and soon after was asked to play piano as well. At age fifteen I was asked to lead worship for our small group while my friend played guitar next to me. After feeling helpless without a piano in the room, I taught myself how to play guitar. By age sixteen I was leading worship for my Christian school's worship chapel.

During my junior year, several of my classmates and principal took a road trip from Omaha, Nebraska to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, Missouri. Back then they were still meeting in a small trailer and were mostly unknown to the world. If you've never heard about this ministry, the short version is they have a heart for prayer and worship 24/7.

I'll never forget the moment I heard her sing. Her red bandana tied around her forehead, her brown locks delicately set in place and effortlessly cascading around the bandana. And oh, that voice. That voice! She was singing spontaneously on the worship team about the Lord roaring like a lion, and I was mesmerized. You may have heard of her. Misty Edwards.

We came home from that trip changed. We had to keep this prayer movement going in our own lives. We were given permission by our principal to spend our study hall and occasional lunchtime to fast, pray, and listen to worship music in one of the classrooms. Some days we would drive over to a small inner-city church and play live worship and pray together during study hall time, opening up the church for whoever wanted to join us.

I started opening up my Bible and placing it on my piano stand at home while playing chord progressions. I wanted to train myself to sing spontaneously and let the Word of God soak into my heart. Memorizing Bible verses is much easier for me if set to music. As my eyes moved across the words on the page my mouth opened and my fingers played. I sang the scriptures and listened to the music, crying out to God in prayer and training myself simulateously.

After packing up my belongings and moving to Bible college, I celebrated my eighteenth birthday by signing up to lead worship for our weekly worship chapel. A young worship leading rookie venturing into the adult world was a bit of a wake-up call to say the least. Teachers and classmates in high school were grateful and kind, but college-aged classmates and leaders pushed me and pointed out my weak points. I cried. I wanted to quit. I kept going. I learned.

My ministry journey continued from Bible college in Minnesota all the way to Cambodia, India, Thailand, Vietnam, and back. I fell in love with my husband my senior year of college and immediately began serving on the worship team at the church where he volunteered as the youth pastor. After a few months of marriage, we accepted a calling to pastor a youth group in Wisconsin at the church where my husband grew up. By the grace of God I was able to see many youth group members trained up to lead worship and play on the worship team so that I could step back as the leader permanently. I took the same approach when we moved overseas to Azerbaijan and served at an International Church filled with many eager teenagers wanting to grow in their worship leading abilities.

After moving back to America when Sitora was a toddler, we accepted the position of lead pastoring an amazing church family in northwestern Wisconsin. I was the main worship leader for nearly five and a half years and had the privilege of watching teenagers and adults alike step into their music and worship leading gifts.

Now here we are, nearly thirteen years of marriage and almost a lifetime of ministry experience between my husband and I, pastoring in my homeland, Utah. The opportunity arose for me to take over as worship coordinator of our church and I have not taken it lightly. If anyone has children, you will understand the heavy weight of extra volunteer work on top of regular life responsibilities. I am a full-time homeschooling mom and, as I like to joke, stay-at-home granddaughter as I am often spending my time tending to my grandmother's needs. I understand the time and effort it takes for our church members to volunteer outside of the home, as I myself am in that situation. This inspires me to push towards training up as many people as possible to serve on our church worship team so that we all bear the weight together. I love giving people a chance, giving them the skills and tools they need to grow and succeed, and I value variety and change.

After leading worship for nearly twenty years, I have often desired to write up something simple to share with others who may be aspiring to lead worship and are looking for guidance. I, by no means, think I am the best or know everything. But I have grown and learned through many changes and mistakes over the years, and I long to pass along that wisdom to anyone who may be seeking it.

1. Take the time to pray, sing, and play your instrument throughout the week
   By no means am I trying to sound cliche our use "Christian-ese". I mean this with every fiber of my being. As worship leaders we can not fabricate a relationship with Jesus on Sunday morning. If there is a lack of relationship and time spent with him Monday through Saturday, it will show on Sunday morning. I'm not saying you have to spend three hours a day praying, fasting, and singing your guts out. I'm saying take time throughout the week consistently to focus on these elements, however that may work for your schedule. Switch it up. Listen to worship music without singing and study the music and how the singer is leading, watch videos on youtube of worship leaders, spend time playing your instrument (whether practicing or spontaneously singing and praying at the same time), listen to podcasts about worship leading and prayer, read your Bible or listen to an audio version, write scripture, say it out loud. sing it. And of course, practice practice practice.
   
   
2.  Try and have a quiet evening the night before you lead worship and go to bed on time
   
   I'm not trying to be a party pooper or sound like your mom, but guys, seriously. How many people go to bed on time Sunday evening because they have to wake up for work early Monday morning? How many times has someone told you, "I really shouldn't go out tonight because I have work early tomorrow,"? There is a reason we do this. We want to be our best selves and put forth our best effort at work and start our week out strong. I know we can't always go to bed on time or skip every party on Saturday evenings, but every effort is worth it. Once in a while we will be invited to a party or get-together on Saturday evenings, but we only go unless it's important. We tell people honestly that we try to spend that time centering ourselves, studying, praying, and preparing for Sunday morning. As parents with young children, we get exhausted very easily (oh, to have my twenty-year-old energy back...) We have accepted our aging bodies (and minds) and don't expect ourselves to operate on superhuman strength on Sunday mornings. I often take time on Saturday evenings to practice my worship list again, to pray over the set and ask the Lord what verses or words of encouragement He may have me share during leading worship. If I don't feel anything, I don't push it. When Sunday morning comes, I wake up early to have time to drink coffee, read, watch the sunrise, breath deeply, and prepare my heart for leading worship. I continue asking the Lord if He has any words or scripture I should share during the worship set. If I do feel led, I continue studying that scripture and praying about what He wants me to say. Again, if I feel nothing, I don't push. I don't want my flesh to get in the way and set my own agenda for the worship service.
   
   
3. Set aside time on Sunday morning before worship starts to pray and gather your thoughts
   
   As an extroverted pastor's wife, I live for the thrill of hugging, chatting, and laughing with church members on Sundays. I can't wait to hear about their week and everything going on in their lives. I love to pray with them, speak encouragement to them, or cry with them in their grief. But one thing I have found that I simply cannot handle is doing this right before I lead worship. I am a very sensitive soul and will take on the emotional weight of the stories and prayer requests laid before me, causing my heart and brain to be distracted while leading worship. Unfortunately, right before I lead worship, people often take the opportunity to share their criticisms about my decisions or leadership and then I am left with an empty, broken heart walking up those steps onto the stage. I cannot control what people will say to me before service, but I can control where I am located and what I am doing during that time. I look forward to spending time with church members after service when I am finished leading worship and can listen and open up my heart to any needs or concerns. But the solution to this problem has worked out to involve solitude and silence before worship. I make sure worship practice ends thirty minutes before service starts so that I can hide away to a back room to eat, drink water, use the restroom, and pray pray pray. I continue seeking God about any scriptures or words of encouragement and prophecy He may have for me to share during the service. I ask Him to lead me, to help the congregation enter into worship no matter how hard or distracting their week has been. I beg Him to guide me and use our team for His glory. When I step onto that stage, I have spent the last twenty minutes seeking the heart of God without distraction. If I miss this time of preparation I notice the difference in my worship leading. As I am leading I continue listening to the voice of the Lord and am open to Him using me to share anything that is on His heart for the congregation. This has taken years of time, effort, and emotional and spiritual energy spent seeking God behind closed doors.
   
   
4. Be open to suggestions and criticism
   I know this doesn't sound fun, but any person longing to grow in any area of life will accept this humble approach. I used to feel immediately defensive and hurt when someone would question my worship leading abilities, and I often caved to their demands without standing up for myself or seeking God further. Pushing away all criticism or surrendering to every complaint are both wrong sides of the coin. I am slowly learning how to linger in the happy middle, not leaning towards either side. If someone offers a suggestion or complaint, I always try to acknowledge that I understand and hear what is being said, and affirm that I will think and pray about it. Sometimes I have to stand up for myself and confidently yet humbly remind the person that I am constantly seeking the heart of God and not making decisions haphazardly or rashly. I will sometimes follow up with articles or viewpoints that may help this person see why I do what I do. But I try to always treat every complaint and suggestion with thankfulness and respect (unless I am being treated unfairly, which then warrants a more confident and firm response on my part.) I have learned many things from criticism and suggestions. Sometimes I take the advice and sometimes I don't. But I am constantly trying to see life through the viewpoint of others and figure out how I can work things out without compromising our relationship.
   
   
5. Remember it's not all about you
   
   One thing that I am passionate about is training up many people to lead worship and participate on the worship team. I am not a fan of one worship team always leading. When a worship team member is sick or gone, it can be difficult to find a replacement if no one else has been trained. I often think of my leaders who gave me a chance when I was fourteen years old. Would I be here today, leading worship, if they hadn't given me a chance? We all start somewhere. Obviously, I'm not going to throw an inexperienced, untrained, unqualified musician on the stage. But that's when it requires time, sacrifice, and patience on your part as the leader. How many movies have you seen where a mentor or teacher has sacrificed their time and effort to train up their apprentice? How can we pass on the gift and passion for leading worship if we are keeping it all to ourselves? Jesus trained up his disciples who then went off to change the world. Jesus didn't go into all the world by Himself because He was the best and would get it done right the first time. He decided to multiply Himself and let his disciples grow and learn from their mistakes. He believed in them and He empowered them. This may mean extra practices, mentoring sessions, and phone conversations on your part as the worship leader. But this is what the job is all about. It's not about you always leading and doing everything yourself. And if you disagree with me, we can just agree to disagree.
   
   
6. Chose worship songs that represent the whole body of Christ
   I have had the privilege and honor of serving alongside and learning from Christians all across the globe. I have lead worship for international churches in Cambodia and Azerbaijan. Do you know how many nationalities, denominations, and theologies have been represented in the congregations where I have led worship? I couldn't even begin to count. For this very reason, I have learned the art of research, humility, and openness to new ideas. I grew up in a very charismatic church singing modern and new songs. Would you believe me if I told you I only knew a few hymns by the time I graduated high school? I didn't learn "How Great Thou Art" until after high school, and now it is my favorite hymn! I went to a non-denominational Bible college in Minneapolis where many worship songs and styles were presented. I was introduced to many hymns after turning eighteen and began to appreciate them for the first time! I also had many friends in college who grew up singing only hymns in their churches and were introduced to modern and new songs for the first time. We both came with past experiences and preferences for music, but we opened up our hearts to new ways of worshiping together. I have used this open-hearted philosophy as I have grown in my worship leading. I am constantly studying, researching, interviewing other worship leaders, and learning about songs new and old. I have taught myself hymns for the benefit of those who appreciate worshiping to them, and I have taught myself new songs for benefit of those who prefer worshiping to them. My only requirement is that a worship song has to glorify God and speak about His goodness. Many Christian songs are encouraging and life-giving, but I haven't felt that they are all on the right track for singing during worship time. If another worship leader chooses to use them, I am not offended or angry in the slightest. We will all see worship leading from a different perspective and worldview, and that is ok. 

I am only here to share my heart and what I am feeling is the direction God is taking me in my worship leading. If you were encouraged or inspired in any way by this post I am eternally grateful. I am continually learning and growing in this area of my life and I don't think I will ever feel like I have "arrived." My prayer is only that God would be glorified, that His people would be encouraged and drawn to worship Him, and that we as worship leaders would provide an atmosphere where God can speak and people can pour out their hearts to Him. 

Psalm 63:1-5

You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.  I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.  Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.  I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.  I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Top five reasons why I love Ogden, Utah

It's funny how life works out, isn't it? Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought my little family would move back to the place of my birth. I couldn't have imagined the streets I walked during summer vacations with my grandparents during rodeos, carnivals, weddings, funerals, and animal auctions would someday become the streets where my own children would play.

Life has a way of bringing things full circle. I am convinced that even the grandest plans we have for ourselves pail in comparison to the future our Father in Heaven has dreamed up for us. We have an idea of how our book will read, but in the end, it is the Author and Finisher of our faith who writes our story.

And here I stand, living out page 1,497 of the book Jesus is writing for me in a chapter titled, "Ogden, Utah".

We have been blessed to live in gorgeous, wonderful, exciting cities and towns in our 12 years of marriage. From our 100-year-old farmhouse on three acres of land and a small apple orchard, to the bustling streets of Baku, Azerbaijan teaming with honking taxis, crowded buses, fruit and vegetable stands, tea houses, and faces seemingly stoic yet masking welcoming and loving hearts, to the quiet and peaceful Wisconsin countryside filled with lush greens, sparkling lakes, rolling hills, John Deer tractors, black bears, and faithful hardworking neighbors, all the way to the grand mountains of Utah. Never have I felt so blessed in all my life to have so many years overflowing with wonderful travel adventures and friends.

As we researched and prayed about moving back to Utah we found that Ogden is one of the fastest growing cities in America. After living here for ten months now I can see why this is! People are moving here at an alarming rate, houses are being built and sold constantly, farmland is being turned into housing developments (sad, but true), businesses are bustling, restaurants are regularly crowded with happy customers, fun local events are always happening, and the family-friendly atmosphere is warm and welcoming.

I decided to post the top five reasons why we love living in Ogden, Utah. Maybe this will convince some of our family and friends to move here as well, or any random google search leading to this blog will secure someone's decision that "this is the place".

1. The mountains

• While looking for houses we wanted to find one as close to the mountains as possible. Even though we didn't get 100% of our desired details for a house, I'm so thankful we checked this one off the list. We can park at my favorite trailhead within ten minutes of leaving our driveway! There are endless possibilities for mountain trails according to difficulty level and various landscape views. Many trailheads have bathrooms and water fountains which can be a dream come true for runners like me! I often pass other runners, hikers, dog owners, and families on the trails which always gives a sense of comradery. Everyone smiles and waves as they walk by and oftentimes I secretly want to inquire, "You love the mountains too? Aren't we so blessed to adventure here any day we want?" Witnessing the colors change from the silent, peaceful, snow-covered winter trails to lush, dark summer greens, then to brilliant autumn reds has caused my heart to soar in ways I've never experienced before. Countless miles have been pounded out on those mountain trails training for races. Every thought, every emotion, every feeling is drenched in peace as I climb those rocks and run those paths. I grew up learning how to ski in the mountains of Utah and I am determined to pass this childhood rite of passage down to my own kids. One doesn't even need to walk through the mountains to experience euphoria. Simply beholding their beauty from afar can give one's heart a sense of peace and awe. My children adore hiking and running in the mountains and my two year old can often be overheard in the back seat of our car exclaiming, "The mountains! The mountains! Let's go up in the mountains!" We take every guest who visits us here in Utah to our favorite trails and we love to proudly show off God's handiwork.

2. The proximity to, well, everything!

• I was talking to my friend on the phone the other day about how spoiled I am to live so close to everything. In Wisconsin, we were blessed to live in the countryside with gorgeous landscapes and peaceful surroundings. But the downside to living there was being so far away from the city life I so dearly love. We would drive nearly an hour to the nearest big city for our different needs, and we became accustomed to the long drive. My homeschooled children would bring their schoolbooks in the car and work diligently as we drove from place to place on our long trips to the city. I would listen to music and drink in the beauty of Wisconsin's rolling hills while processing life during the long drive. But now that we live in the city, I still can't get over the fact that we are merely ten minutes from everything! Ten minutes from church, ten minutes from grandma's house, ten minutes from the mountains, ten minutes to the movie theater, ten minutes from the children's museum, and gasp... FIVE minutes from Wal-Mart and Starbucks! Shut the front door. My life is complete.

3. The many famous national parks and vacation spots within a day's drive

• Sometimes you need a quick get-away with your spouse or family and you dread the thought of countless days spent in a car. The beauty of living in Ogden is there are so many amazing national parks and fun places to visit within a day's drive! Whether you meticulously plan your vacation or decide last-minute to pack your bags and hop in the car, a few great ideas are:
• Yellowstone, Grand Teton, Moab, Arches, Little Wild Horse Canyon, Capitol Reef,  Bryce Canyon, Zion, Flaming Gorge, Goblin Valley, Canyonlands, Kanab, Park City, Snowbird Resort, and Snowbasin Resort
• In no time at all, you can arrive in cities like Las Vegas, Denver, Boise, and Jackson!

4. The family-friendly atmosphere

• We have traveled and happily lived all over the world in our thirty-something years on earth, but my husband and I have never felt so "at home" as we have in Utah. We may not agree with everyone in our state about politics and faith, but the overwhelming sense of goodness, morality, peace, and love is not lost on us. Anywhere from parks, beaches, and stadiums, you will often see signs posted saying, "No alcohol allowed". This immediately shocked us as we have lived the majority of our married lives in Wisconsin, which many of you may realize is a state well-known for drinking. I am not offended with people drinking around my family, but I have often been angered and disappointed with the behavior and language displayed around my children by those heavily intoxicated. I know it is a free country, and I am proud of that, but many times my heart has been burdened by the lack of sensibility and concern for little eyes and ears. As you can see, we were pleasantly surprised by the public environment our family could enjoy here in Utah. 
• I cannot tell you how many tears I have cried out of thankfulness for the many options for my family and children here. Within minutes on social media, you will discover events, carnivals, parties, and special promotions for families with children in our area. So many, in fact, that I sadly can't attend as many as we would like! Businesses, churches, and communities alike plan free or cheap events for families to enjoy on a regular basis. 
• As a homeschooling family, our schooling options are as endless as the waves in the sea. I am not even slightly exaggerating when I say this! Between dual enrollment, online classes, co-ops, and one-day public school options, families are sure to find something that fits their child's needs. My children attend a school that is for homeschool families providing a school environment one day a week with teachers, lessons, experiments, and of course, recess! They have field trips and special events throughout the month as well for families to enjoy and connect together. The school even pays for any non-religious curriculum. This school has been the perfect option for our family, and I know when my children's needs change over the years we have the freedom to explore many options.
• Our neighbors. Sigh. I can hardly begin typing these words before the tears start welling up. We have never lived by more generous, kind, caring, and loving neighbors in our entire married lives. We have been welcomed into our neighborhood with open arms with no question at all to our faith or political differences. Our children happily play at the neighbors' houses and we joyfully open our doors for them in return. My neighbors have given us toys, offered to babysit, and have brought us surprise treats. I strive earnestly to serve and love them but I am convinced they bless me more than I ever could bless them.

5. The beautiful melting pot of people who chose to call Ogden home

• After living overseas for a huge portion of our lives, my husband and I have been spoiled rotten by rubbing shoulders with some of the most amazing people on God's green earth. Teachers, doctors, politicians, ambassadors, members of the military, missionaries, philanthropists, entrepreneurs, businessmen and women, and humanitarian workers. When one has shared life with the "cream of the crop" of humanity, it's hard to top that experience. We had no idea moving here that Ogden would mirror that experience of living overseas! Honestly, I don't know how we missed the clues that Ogden was such a melting pot. The kinds of people we have met in Ogden are the type of people we shared life with overseas. 
• There are many nationalities represented in Ogden which has fulfilled our "wanderlust" hearts. I welcome the challenge of learning and experiencing different languages, cultures, foods, and customs. 
• The military base located in Ogden has provided the opportunity to meet families stationed here hailing from all over. Many businessmen and women have also chosen to move to Ogden for various work opportunities. I love nothing more than listening to our friends share experiences and stories from the many countries and states they have called home. We share a common bond with those who have uprooted their lives, waved goodbye to family and friends, wiped the tears from their eyes, pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and set off for a new and strange land to settle in and call home. It's not easy leaving behind the familiar and starting anew, but the blessings outweigh the hardships one-hundredfold. 
• The LDS community in Utah has many people who have served their mission in various places all over the world. It is common to chat with a neighbor or stranger here who has studied a different language and culture on their mission. They have a worldview very similar to my own and that common bond is not easily explained. I love sharing my overseas missionary experiences with my LDS friends and family members and hearing about theirs in return. It's difficult to explain, but everyone who has left their home and lived in another state or country far away from everything familiar shares a similar mindset. It can help one widen their horizons and open their hearts to different ways of life, which can nurture compassion and understanding of one's fellow man. Those who have lived and traveled the world have an easier time accepting the differences of humankind and are not easily offended or guarded when discussing hot topics. Our traveling breed may be sure and steady in our faith and passions, but we easily and eagerly welcome open discussion from others' points of view.
  
  

Well, there you have it, folks. Whether you live in Utah, are considering living in Utah, or might visit Utah, I can guarantee that you will find blessings, adventure, and love in the beautiful city of Ogden.

Humility and the pastor's wife life

The past ten months or so have been filled with much listening, learning, watching, and waiting.

I have a love/hate relationship with the quote:

"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."

Why? Because sometimes I feel like that ship, stocked to the brim with cargo, carrying a treasure map half-way interpreted in the hands of a naively eager captain. Some days I bounce out of bed ready to tackle the goals set before me with wide eyes and reckless abandon. Yet other days I wake up delicately ruminating on the lessons God is stirring within my heart with a hushed and quieted spirit not yet ready to sail the high seas. I am torn between the two. This season of my life lately has culminated in the interwoven acts of listening and learning.

I have revealed this often in my previous posts, but I would never have dreamed my life would consist of what it does now. I specifically remember laughing (mocking, may be a better term) at the statement made by someone I knew that they wanted to be a "pastor's wife". Dreaming of being someone's wife as a life goal? Please! This is the modern century, is it not? This teenage spirit would not be easily tamed by domestic life.

But here we are, friends, and you know as well as I do that "my life as a pastor's wife" would be a good summary of my daily musings. All the things I specifically told God I would not do, well, here I am, very clearly doing.

1. Living in America
2. Serving as a pastor's wife
3. Homeschooling my children

There you have it.  The summary of my existence consists of all the goals I set my mind on avoiding. It's humorous, feel free to laugh with me.

I may only have lived a mere thirty-four years on this earth, but the one thing I know for sure is that I don't know it all. If anything, I have learned that there is always more to learn. More listening to be done, more patience to be sought, more of being the type of human that doesn't permeate arrogance and pride. I know my Jesus brought me hope and freedom, and I want to spend my life freely sharing this grace and sincere love (not just loving people so they will come to Christ, but truly loving them where they are no matter what choices they make because this love has no strings attached.)

At the end of the day, I know I am doing what God has asked of me. Often I hear the term, "God called me to..." and I grew up hearing and using this phrase. This type of Christian-ese can sometimes throw people off, and quite frankly can easily be abused and used to manipulate people. So I am training myself to say, "God has asked me..." instead.

As a pastor's wife there are many unseen "asks" in life. I am not paid, nor am I on staff at our church or any church where we have served. I do not seek to be called "pastor" even though many of my volunteer duties would fall under a pastoral job description. The life I am living is simply an act of obedience to my Jesus. My life does not look the way I thought it would twenty years ago, but the life God has given me has overwhelmed me with depths of joy I never could have imagined twenty years ago.

God has asked me to stay home and raise my children.

God has asked me to homeschool my children for this season of their lives.

God has asked me to serve my church.

God has asked me to love my neighbors and let them love me. Sometimes they bless me more than I could ever imagine blessing them.

God has asked me to take care of my grandmother and serve her as Christ has loved me.

God has asked me to keep an open heart and schedule for the "interruptions" of life that bring surprise opportunities.

I have chosen at this time in my life to pour my energy into learning about and loving my church, my neighbors, my family, my friends, and my city as "my job". Does that mean less of an income for our family? Yes. It requires sacrifice and a willing heart. Does that mean I will never work again? I doubt it. It just means that for this season of my life I feel led to love, learn, listen, and wait.

It means unexpectedly changing the schedule and choosing to help someone in need when I had something else planned for the afternoon.

It means reaching out and being the first to introduce myself in a crowd when I secretly wish to hide under the covers on the couch at home.

It means letting God stretch me past my comfort zone when all I want to do is run to what I'm familiar with.

It means seeing every person I come across as a soul, a person with a story, a heart that has loved and heart that has been crushed. It means putting my pretenses aside and laying down my judgments to see life through someone else's lens.

It means serving without being seen. It means loving without guarantee of love in return. It means caring when there may be no harvest to be reaped. It means walking in humility and refraining from gossip even when others paint you in a twisted light. It means keeping confidences and protecting reputations. It means seeking a tender heart when bitterness tries to sneak it's way to your doorstep. It means choosing to think the best of others knowing everyone fights their own battles.

This pastor's wife life is not for the faint of heart. But my Jesus has chosen it for me and therefore I will do my best to honor His name. I will never stop learning and listening, for every person has a story and I hope my part in their story will be one of joy and hope.

Sending digital cards... my new BFF!

I'm the kind of gal that LOVES making, creating, sending, designing, and giving cards. I used to make my own stationary with all the bells and whistles. Stamps, ribbon, markers, stickers, you name it. I always had a stash of blank cards waiting in the drawer for me to scoop out and splash some color and meaningful words inside to give to a friend.

And then... well... kids happened. Life happened. Cleaning a house full of caged monkeys happened. (Kidding. Not kidding.)

As time went on I was more drawn to the "pre-written cards" at the store to keep on hand. Anything from, "Thinking of You" to "I'm Sorry" or "Happy Birthday"... I adored having creatively worded cards on hand to grab in a pinch.

After moving across the country in January and flipping our lives upside down, it has been a whirlwind of change, adventure, and adjustments. With good intentions, I bought two stacks of ridiculously adorable Thank You cards from the store when we first moved here. I think I have actually written in a total of 4 of them. I keep meaning to write them out, my mind swirls with thoughts and words to paint across the pages... but it never actually pans out. And then I am left feeling a little guilty and frustrated with myself.  I walk past that drawer with all the empty, unwritten cards and all the lovely people in my life who deserve one, and my stomach turns in knots.

Recently I was approached by a company that creates digital cards, Paperless Post. Honestly, I had never heard of them before. Sure, in the past I have used websites to send eCards for birthdays to friends and family, but I had never heard of a website quite like this. I was given the chance to try out the website and give my opinion on the cards through my blog. I excitedly downloaded the app onto my phone and started creating digital cards for the ones I love and appreciate in my life. I wish I had an event or birthday party I was planning and I would have used this website to create digital invitations! The next time I have a big event to host I will definitely use this website. For those of you that know me well, know that I love throwing a good party!

The neat thing about PaperlessPost is that you can search hundreds of pre-designed cards or create your own design. There are so many adorable ideas, I was literally drowning in the adorableness of it all. I had a hard time choosing designs! The neat element is that you can search for a particular design idea when creating your card. My sister-in-law adores cats, so of course, I had to find the perfect cat card for her. I am in love with anything cactus right now, so I jumped at the chance to use a cactus design for my good friend at church. My other friend loves unicorns and I wanted to send her a thank you card, so I typed in "unicorns" and found just the right card for her. I wanted to show my gratitude toward Sitora and Peter's teachers where they go to school one day a week through the public school system, so I found some sweet Thank You cards to send as well. 

 If you sign up with your email address, you automatically are given 25 free coins to start making your own cards! It takes only a few coins to create and send a card, so you could easily send several digital cards with your free coins.

On my parents' anniversary I wanted to send something sweet and cute to share my love with them. I never would have thought ahead of time to buy and mail an anniversary card, so using this app was just perfect!

I have sent my hubby a couple of "Thinking of You" cards during the day while he is at work. I love him dearly and have so many emotions and thoughts of gratitude to express to him but it was so helpful to search some pre-made "I love you, you are the love of my life, you are the best person in the world" type card ideas with cute and sassy phrases. I hope it was a fun surprise that made his day ;)

 I appreciate people all the time and think about what a blessing they are to me, and because of the ease of the app right on my phone, I can create and send a lovely little card within minutes and have it sent directly to their email inbox. A fun option is that recipients can reply to your card and you can continue a conversation back and forth. Through the app you can create cards, check the status to see if cards have been opened, work on saved drafts, buy more coins, and save your favorite cards to work on later.

I haven't used the desktop version, but I constantly use the app when creating cards. I would be sitting down to eat a snack, getting ready for bed, or just waking up in the morning and think of someone I felt led to write. It was so simple to open the app and create a card that exceeded my expectations within minutes.

And to be honest, in this generation, we don't hold actual paper Thank You notes in the same regard as the generation before us. I often laugh at baby showers and tell the expectant mamma, "Please don't worry about sending me a Thank You card! It seriously doesn't matter to me one bit. I find joy in just celebrating with you today and seeing the happiness and thankfulness on your face in this moment." Maybe I'm crazy... maybe some of you out there in my generation still really appreciate and expect paper cards. If someone gives me an actual card, of course, I am thrilled and tickled pink. But then I wonder, should I keep it? Throw it away? Take a picture of it? But with these digital cards, they can be saved in your inbox to look back on time and time again without clogging up your drawers and storage folders. I'm sure if you really wanted a paper copy you could print the screenshot taken from your phone or computer.

There are some other fun options on top of creating the card. You can design the backdrop behind the card and also the inside of the envelope. There are some super cute ideas like polka dots, flowers, pineapples, confetti, stripes, baby clothes... the possibilities are endless.

Even though I haven't tried the invitation option for a party, I think this would be a fabulous idea. That way people have a digital copy of the invitation and they can't possibly lose it like a paper copy. The details of the party are safe and secure on their phone to keep until the day of the event. I'm sure you can save on postage and envelopes by doing it this way as well. It's really genius!

The unique element about the website is that you pay for cards with coins. You purchase coins through the website then keep the coins in your account. The coins are depleted when you send a card. Each card has a cost of coins. If you were planning an event then it would cost more coins to send the invitation to multiple recipients. In my opinion, this online option is cheaper and easier than actually purchasing and mailing a real card. 

So was exactly is Paperless Post and how did they get started? Click here to read an article about the founders and their story here on CNN. On their website paperlesspost.com, it states that Paperless Post is a collaborative group of artists, designers, and letterers who create the original artwork that defines Paperless Post’s product. Every year, over a thousand unique invitations and cards are designed in their in-­house studio and with their design partners. Paperless Post allows customers to create online and paper stationery that reflects their individualism. Users can send invites and greeting cards online, or via traditional mail.

The company was created by brother and sister team, James and Alexa Hirschfeld. James was planning his 21st birthday party in 2007. He had finished all the details for the party, but when it came time to send out invites, paper invites were too costly, and digital options didn't reflect "all the care that went into the event." He grabbed at an opportunity to connect people in real life using technology to create stylish online invitations. James started the company while in school and had little experience, but thankfully his sister, also a Harvard alum, had gained some real-world lessons. James says they complement each other while working and that they've done well as partners because their sibling bond allows them to "communicate incredibly directly."

Well, there you have it folks. I'm so glad this company approached me because I will definitely be a customer for life! Don't mind me as I drink my coffee, eat my KetoCakes, and design cards for the loves in my life on my phone. I'm such a millennial.